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Tight Relationship, Now LD, No feelings or sexual, and Drifiting Away


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I haven't been able to sleep for the past few days thinking of a solution, and I found this forum... maybe a soul out there can help me.


  • I'm 22, she 24
  • Known for 3 years, Relationship for 2.3 years
  • Everything was ok and normal for the most part, very close
  • Long Distance since summer, though we visited once or twice every month (either of us spend long holidays together). She will be moving back to where I am this Fall.
  • She wants to wait to have sex till marriage, I was ok, and we did everything but sex


Everything was normal until last summer. She moved several states away for part of her grad school for a year. Right before this, she somewhat lost interest in doing sexual related things, and closed up a bit. She told me that she felt something was up but couldn't figure out what. Then during summer and long distance over phone/skype and even when I visited, she was really closed up about her sexual side up to the point I just stopped bringing it up or trying when we were talking on phone/skype and just kept it to when I saw her in person. It's gotten progressively worse up to this point where she says she doesn't feel any sexual or aroused feelings at all. Note that I love her dearly, and she does too, I was thinking this is something temporary as she wasn't like this before.


I talked to her last night and brought it up again and talk about it more, and from what I take she loves me more than before, but another side of her completely shut down, and I think she's depressed (she doesn't feel like doing anything, she says she just doesn't feel anything sexual or anything but just strongly loves me, lot of work going on too). She's seeing a counsellor but doesn't seem to know * * * either, she's changed her diet, I mean she's really trying hard. I talked a few friends of mine and they suggest her get her blood tested for hormones, thyroid etc just in case.


I know from a friend of hers who she had told the situations, confirming that she's not cheating or anything, but really having a problem where she's kind of shut down in her self and maybe depressed, but she can't figure out what the problem is, and a lot of other things she's trying to solve it... I know that she's working her best to solve it, yet no results.


It's been going on for a couple of months now without any improvement, and at this point I just feel like drifting away.. just feels like maybe she loves me, but her inner self doesn't quite want me or have lost interest or maybe some other problem? I don't really know. All I know is if it weren't for this problem, she'd be perfect, beautiful, really down to earth, never have I ever imagined someone a better match.


What's your opinion? Do I just be more patient? Do I just move on? What can I do?


Suggestion what either of us can do?

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If she's in school, she might just be stressed out.


Having done the LD thing for a year of oa 4 year relationship, I can tell you it's not easy and it fell apart [well for me maybe because it wasn't that great to start with but that's another story].


People just drift apart and it's very hard to keep in touch when you're so far away.

You start to have new diffrent friends, schedules etc.

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The best relationships are sometimes not sexual ones. If you feel at the bottom of your heart (as you seem to) that she is the perfect partner, then stick with her. I agree with previous reply that LD relationships are hard, but from experience, they work far better if not sexual as there is less green eyed (often imaginary) jealousy. LD relationships give you space to both branch out, make friends.


At the end of the day the friendship between you two should should be the most important part of the relationship. If the sex side is put on hold for some time it can deepen the relationship by making you both explore the other "glue" which holds you together. And remember, sex based relationships are sometimes shallow, those base on friendship tend to be longer lasting.

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On a side note, did she change her birth control at around the time she started feeling apathetic about this? Hormonal birth control can sometimes wreck a girl's sex drive or make us depressed. This happened to me when I was on the pill but any hormonal birth control can do it, and some women are more prone to it than others.


Also some of the more invasive birth control can do this too but more on a mental level, I know myself and a few other women I know start feeling resentful if we have to have any kind of painful stuff done for birth control, just having to be the only one thinking about this stuf or going through hard procedures when the guy isn't can start to turn you off after a while.


Just a thought; you might ask her about it; might not be relevant at all but I know so many women that have gone through what you're describing for this reason that I thought I'd put it out there.

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