Do I stand a chance of ever winning her heart back??

[Paddy084]

Hi All.....just need a bit of advice

 

My gf of nearly 9 years broke up with me three weeks ago after she told me that she had been thinkin for a few months that she was not in love with me anymore and when she looks into the future she doesn'nt think she sees us setting up a family and home together and she thought she better end things now cause she felt that if she continued that 10 years down the line she could be stuck in an unhappy marriage that she couldn't get out of. So i told her that I would just give her some space for a while to get her head together again and see if she feels any different with time and space.....I have given her this space and I initiated NC for the last three weeks which has been very difficult at times but i'm getting through it. Then a weeks ago I heard that she told her friend that she loves me very much and i'm her best friend but she isnt in love me and she hasnt initiated contat with me over the last three weeks because she doesnt want to give me mixed feelings, but hope I was keeping ok and was coping.

I decided to send her a letter telling her that I accept and respect her decision and am finally coping with things and am trying to move on. I also apologized for ever upsetting her and thanks for the happy 9 years together. I tried explaining where i felt things went wrong that has caused her to feel like this but i'm not writing a pity letter or im not begging to come back just that im trying to move on and that i will miss her as a friend and a partner......I know this was probably the wrong move but I just couldn't stand the thought of her feeling sorry for me and thinking that i am siting at home pinning and falling into deprestion without her(even though for the first week i kind of was), I wanted her to think i could cope with the decision.....she still hasnt been in contact since receiving the letter.

My question is though, can I ever win her heart back? Do I stand any chance alot? Should I get in contact with her?

Until three weeks ago she was my whole life and I dont want to lose her forever.

[justletgo07]

I'm really sorry you're going through this...We all know how much it hurts and how hopeless it feels. You're in the company of friends here.

 

There's no way to "win" someone back. There is nothing you can do to change someone's mind or heart. The harder you try, the less likely they will be to reconsider their decision. I know you want there to be a magical answer, but there isn't. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago, and I'm just now realizing that there isn't, and never was, a single thing I can do to make her change her mind.

 

You've already apologized and agreed with the break-up, which was good. The best thing you can do now is become scarce. Odds are you won't, because few of us did, but you have to try. You have to let go and accept that it may be over for good. She wasn't and isn't your whole life. A person can't be your whole life. You need to focus on yourself, your needs, and focus on the parts of your life you've been neglecting.

 

Just try to relax. Odds are this isn't the very end. It rarely is this early on. Just try to calm down and be patient.

[Rob1000]

Give her the gift of missing you. The less she sees/hears from you the more attractive you will become, the more she will respect you and the less she will feel sorry for you. Trust me, I have been through many break ups and a number of reconciliations which were all down to NC. It's the hardest thing you can do, but I bet over the past few weeks you've said out loud that you'd do anything to win her back. NC is that 'anything' but is also the best place for you right now. It will help you both move on and give you the best shot of reconciliation.

[melrich]

My question is though, can I ever win her heart back?

 

It is so hard for us to say. In my experience, when long relationships like yours break up it is difficult to start afresh because there is that element of knowing each other so well....it is difficult to change the dynamic of your relationship.

 

Sounds like she has been thinking about this for some time. My guess is she has probably disengaged from the relationship a while ago and is likely to be far more advanced than you in accepting this is over. It's likely a big ship to turn around.