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Ex's money $$$


annalisa84

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I promised I stay away from this site too heal after break up.. But I really need advise.

 

My boyfriend of two year left a week ago, leaving only a short note on our bed. He left me and he left this country. Wow! Anyway, for a week I didn't contact him and didn't hear from him either. Now, he calls me and sends me email, messages etc. Oh no no no, not about asking how am I doing, not about telling me he's sorry he behaved like this, not even about where is he.. He only wants the money!

 

He loaned me some money recently and I was supposed to give it back to him beginning of this month. I do not obviously intent to steel from him. But..

 

He left so suddenly. My life is upside down. I'm living in an apartment that I cannot afford by myself. He said to use some of the money he loaned me for half the rent for the next month cos he should have given a notice to landlord. But what about the next months? And he is going to withdraw the deposit. My rent is going to increase almost twice and I have to come up with a deposit. Plus I'm in a middle of a visa extention, been having some problems with it, so definitely need to have some money on my bank account. Maybe they'll kick me out from this country next month and I have nothing! I just spent all my saving on this visa extention and he knows it. And as long as I don't have even a visa I don't want to start looking for another apartment. The apartment is close to work and lets me keep my dog. To find a cheap apartment close to work (I don't have car now, it was his) that allows dogs and that doesn't need me to sign, it is impossible and causes me too much stress during this difficult time. I mean, I'm screwed. I am all alone in this country. Came some months ago, don't have family or real friends here. My family can't help me anyway, I only have a mom and she leaves in Eastern Europe earning less than 1000 dollars a month as a teacher.

 

So I answered him that I'll pay him back but with a schedule, so I could survive. Like 400-500 dollars a month (I owe him 4000 dollars). But he refuses! Says he need the money now and I need to do the transfer today.

 

What am I supposed to do? I don't want to punish him or cause problems, I don't want to steel money, but I'm all alone here.. and if I'm nice to him now, I may find myself in really bad situation soon.

 

What would you do?

Thanks

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I would tell him, I can only make payments. I dont have 4K right now & will make payments....if not I would say he can see me in court if he wants.

 

He cant force you to pay all of it up front, even a court would allow payments. Its not like you aren't planning on paying him & you have to have something to live off of too. What a j*rk Im sorry.

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So sorry to hear about this, it's bad enough dealing with all the emotions when your relationship comes to an end, never mind these money problems.

 

He knows what situation you're in and should come to a compromise as he can't expect you to be able to pay everything at once. After all it was he who just upped and went.

 

Unless you signed something when he lent you the money, I don't think he can legally demand such a sum back all at once. Stick with your negotiation (and even lower the amount you say you are prepared to pay each month), acknowledging that you know you owe it to him but that is the most you can afford at the moment.

 

Hopefully if he is a half-way decent person he will realise his initial demand was unreasonable and back off a bit.

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I think you should check out what liabilities he incurred in leaving the lease in your name like that without notice - I suspect he may be on the hook for more than he thinks. Check that out before you send any money - he may end up owing you money.

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I think you should check out what liabilities he incurred in leaving the lease in your name like that without notice - I suspect he may be on the hook for more than he thinks. Check that out before you send any money - he may end up owing you money.

 

Oh yea! Definitely, did he sign the lease?

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I would tell him I can't give him the money back unless in small payments starting a month from now and I would ask him for an account number where you can pay him his money back.

When I think of it, ask him for an account number and when he tells you that, than tell him you'll pay him of in monthly installments.

And let that be the last contact you're having with him.

And I would change the locks just in case he chooses to come back.

He is being an ass for asking that money so fast.

Do what ever you need to do not to go back in Eastern Europe. ;-)

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I think you should check out what liabilities he incurred in leaving the lease in your name like that without notice - I suspect he may be on the hook for more than he thinks. Check that out before you send any money - he may end up owing you money.

 

For sure. In the meantime, he's going to have to work with what you can afford. I don't think he can demand all of it back at once unless you signed something stating what date you will have him paid by. He could take you to small claims court if he were still in the country, but he's not. Doesn't seem like much he can do.

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My grandma always taught me that whenever someone hurts you, never ever go as low as they did. So most of all I would love to give him the money back and not to even think of him ever again..

 

Bu I guess sometimes I cannot afford my pride.

 

We were living in a big townhouse with another couple. Great roommates and great landlord, six months lease but one month notice. So if he gives me half of our rent for one more month, he is out and can take is deposit.

 

So it's just between him and me. He knows my situation very well, but if he cared about me, he wouldn't have left like this in a first place.

 

Pluss, I still love him. And though he left me, I don't want him to hate me. Moving on without him is hard enough, constant pressure from him, insulting me beacuse of the money.. it would be too hard.

 

Maybe getting rid of this stress from my life is more important than a roof over my head?

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consider it a consolation prize for the note he left on your pillow -

 

you don't do what he did to someone and then less then a week later send them an EMAIL asking for money.

 

you just don't do it.

 

i'm not saying you NEVER pay him back- but he can't make demands on you like that- especially after what he did to.

 

he can wait.

 

its just wrong- he should have been more considerate.

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Maybe getting rid of this stress from my life is more important than a roof over my head?

 

No, it's not.

Being without roof is more stressful.

To eliminate the stress you shouldn't contact him or answer his calls/emails.

You forgot how it is to work for 1000$ per month, right ?

You need a place to live

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So though he refused to accept a payment schedule, I should maybe send him "a good faith first payment" with a note that it's the payment for April, the first of my monthly payments? I mean he is definitely going to be insulting and mad towards me then. Should I answer his email or phonecalls, they're going to be cruel and hurtful, I'm sure?

 

Do you think one day he'll understand that he put me into an impossible situation and I don't do those things to hurt him or get revenge, but I'm just afraid that I'm not going to make it on my own after he left me in such a awful manner?

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Look. He put you in this impossible situation so that he will not be judged by others and can be justified in his actions. Truly! It is a game and by playing according to his rules you are going to LOSE. What sort of idiot gives someone four grand and then leaves the country and THEN demands payment from afar. That is the worst kind of con job. Boy! What a lazy and stupid man. I'm sorry that you became entangled in this relationship, I truly am, but consider yourself four thousand richer for the experience and move on.

 

There is no court in America which will ever hold you liable for that cash. None. I worked in a bank and I'm telling you, what he's done is nonrefundable and nonnegotiable. What I might do, if I were you, is change your bank account information... Assuming he has all of that.

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Take his share of the rent, utilities and other shared expenses for 60 days and subtract it from the amount you owe. Tell him you are willing to deliver a note for that remaining amount payable over the next six months with interest, and that this is the best you can do. If this is not good enough for him, ignore further contacts from him.

 

You owe him the money, but also expected him to participate in rent and expenses, and two months is a fair expectation.

 

The breakup and his circumstances of leaving are irrelevant to the fact that you owe him the money other than you had expectations of sharing certain expenses that caused you to do certain things in reliance on his participation.

 

You should begin finding cheaper lodgings immediately and make that your top priority. Best wishes and sorry for this situation.

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Here it goes:

 

I told him right now I'll pay him back every month $500 and hopefully later on my situation is better and may return the rest of the sum all together.

 

He laughed at me. And it's getting seriously ugly.. This is what he wrote.

 

P.S it's really up to you whether I leave you in peace (give my money back now!) or whether all the $%^%#@ we went through will get bigger and bigger causing meaningless stress to everyone... you decide...

 

My mom already offered me the "funeral money" from my grandma to get me out of this situation. But I rather let him insult me than take that money. In the end it's only coupleof months and then the rest of his life hating me Or loose my visa..

 

Can't block senders in Gmail. Otherwise I would not read his email at all!

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change your email add give it to the people you care for like family

 

 

Take the advice people are giving you here , keep the money for now start NC and pay him later when he cools off little by little

 

take care of you and for now ignore him

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Dont let this guy bully you around like that. I would reply with: "Listen you @ass - if I had the 4 grand I would give it to you in a heartbeat because the faster you get out of my life the better off I will be. I will give you 500 a month until its paid off. END OF STORY."

 

Then change your email address like the other person said. He can write whatever he wants, tell him to shove it.

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