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do you feel like you are stuck in life?


rainyday

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lately, i can't ignore this. i have tried things to help me get out of this mundane routine life, but to no avail. im beginning to fear, i will not get anywhere in life.

 

i dont understand, i am confident i have the right skills but i keep getting rejected from everywhere i apply. Even people with less skills are getting higher paying jobs.

 

thinking back i only had 1 real job that did not last long, i am now 23.

 

i dont know what is it about me and i cannot believe that my skills do not have any market value, even though it took long years of investment and learning.

 

I know im not the only one, but honestly, i would not like to work for 10/hour.

 

jobs is not the only issue. Because i even fail at offering to become a corporate * * * * * , i figured i should at least pay the rent and start my own business. Recently, it has been totally punked thanks to some hatred clients in the past who started spreading bad rumours with the sole purpose of ruining me for some uknown personal hatred towards me.

 

23, i have no job, still going to school, and trying to keep my business going. Even worse, I have no real girlfriend, only a few times i have to pay for sex. I dont get it, even friends with uglier looks and intelligence, in general lacking from what i see, are getting girlfriends, or has a lot of friends. Its like i fail at being human. Only people i am not interested in have shown interest like the same sex or girls which i think are ugly. then i see a fat bastard with a pretty looking girl and i lose it. does he have money? what? what is it that differs me from the rest? what is it that I have to pay for sex while other friends can get it for free?

 

I do not have many people to talk to about these things. I am no longer naive about investing emotionaly. I guess I am paranoid, but after several experiences, my trust in people are pretty much destroyed for the large part.

 

I'm getting high more, smoking much more because of this stress. Its like no matter what I do, it will never work out.

 

I'm now at the point where i think i serve no purpose in society. I'm as good as unproductive as a criminal or terrorist right now. I feel like a total social reject, like no matter how much I try to rise above it, I am pushed down. Like I am not supposed to be in the circle. If I can't be part of the system, what can i do ? Kill myself? * * * * that, i dont know i am sick and tired of trying to be part of it.

 

Then there is my ultra-conservative parents, who cannot bare to look at me. I am like a failure to them, definition of mediocricy. But somehow i do not buy it. I have discovered a few things about myself enough to know that I am not mediocre. However, given the reality and from above, I have lost a lot of trust in myself. I probably should blame everything on me, sometimes skills are not enough I suppose. I've brought up to believe that skills are everything, now I realize skills is only a part of the whole. I have focused all my life on building skills.

 

I really have nothing to blame but myself for the situation I am in. However, I just cannot believe, 100% of where I am resulted of my actions. I have been screwed, backstabbed, ignored, ridiculed. No matter what I do, I always get screwed in the end it seems. Of course I brush it off and still continue trying, but it just seems like i canont move forward.

 

Life would be so much simpler if i just took everything for the way it is. but i absolutely cannot. I've failed so many times, I've been rejected. I feel like i do not belong in society. If i am not destined to be part of it, then I think rather be destroying it rather than suffer the humiliation of being trampled by society. Either way, I cannot deal with the current state of mundane routine, and life the way it is.

 

anyways, just stuff on my chest i have to get out. I'm really high right now, so i am just writing in stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone else feels the same, " * * * * the world"

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You're only 23! That's young...don't feel bad about being in school. I'm 22, a lot of my friends are 23, and those of us who aren't in school are just jobless...and probably acheiving FAR less than you are haha

My friend at 22 has never had a girlfriend. He hasn't even started university yet, he just works at a grocery store... not to make him sound bad, he's an amazing (and smart) guy! People are all different. You sound like a smart person with ambition and i'm sure you'll find something fitting someday. You never know what is around the corner.

 

Do what you want to do, maybe hide away from people who are pressuring you...and take care of yourself!

 

good luck

 

Oh, and that being said: Yes I DO feel like saying "**** the world" a lot of the time.

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No matter where you are in life, you could always be worse. So don't forget to count your blessings and be grateful for what you do have. And just know that you aren't the only out here struggling. We're all struggling right alongside with you, even those of us that do have employment.

 

It doesn't matter what anybody says to you at the end of the day. As long as you stay humble and give it everything you got.

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I think you're taking too many cues from Hollywood. Very very very few people are lucky enough to start out on top in any aspect of their lives let alone EVERY aspect of their lives.

 

I don't like working for $10 either, but that's what I'm doing so that eventually I can be making the money I know I deserve. Stop getting high and stop paying for sex and you'll feel better about yourself and where you're going in life.

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