soulmeetsbody Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I posted this in another section, but realized it's probably more appropriate here. I don't know if it's NC or not but I know NC changes people's minds a LOT. It got my ex thinking after dumping me the first time...and after 10 days he realized he didn't want to split up with me. Second breakup, more mutual, made us understand how immature we were, breaking up whenever we feel pressured or trapped. This time around, it was kind of mutual, well it felt so because I really needed it, and the last month has been great. Until I hit the 10 day NC mark...and things hit home... NC is so important, it helps in so many ways...by removing the source of pain from my life...by making me understand what a life without him really means...but it also makes me realize things I didn't know were there. (edit: I have been doing really well the last 3 weeks...still on a bit of a 'high' from finally being single after all these years jumping from relationship to relationship...not by looking for boys or anything...just feeling free and in control of my own time etc..) I have been thinking about my ex a LOT in the last 3 days. It's been a little over a month since the split, and day 11 of NC. And today I cried for the first time since the break-up. I have been having thoughts of reconciliation. I had a good month before that. But now I just can't really remember why we split up. Yes he's been bad to me but so have i to him. And he's just immature, he's really young and put in a situation that most people his age aren't confronted to until their 30s, 40s. To worsen things he's in the public eye as well. I miss him, as a friend and a lover. Life just isn't that fun without him. It is still fun - I'm having a great time, but so was I before the split (minus the arguments). I know I will find someone new eventually, and I don't feel worthless or anything... I am very confident in myself, have supportive friends, family, I'm good at what I do... I'm not thinking about him because I'm depressed, I just feel empty without him, but the rest of my life is still great. I know that if we bumped into each other tomorrow we may be back together by Sunday. It's just how it happens every time. But it doesn't mean I want us to be together again so soon. I'd want him to sort out his career problems, and finances first and I've got other things to sort out as well. I just know we can get back together if I try hard enough, or have patience. And that's what I want, but I'm not sure if that's what I need. I really love him, but I cannot be with him now. We are way too young to be able to keep it together right now. He's out of town half the time, he's constantly working, traveling, meeting people for work, and losing a lot of money at the same time. It's a lot of pressure, and although I loved looking after him, I felt resentful as I felt robbed of my free time, wasn't acting young and carefree anymore...it was too much pressure for both of us. I will not break NC. It would hurt too much, and I'd have nothing to say. I want to wait until I understand my feelings. But the thoughts of reconciliation have been playing over and over in my head. I can't believe I cried today... Link to comment
summerpeach Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 I could have written this post I feel just like you. I was with my ex for over 3 yrs and we went back and forth and every time we went NC, I would miss him. Then I would cave in and we would talk again. It is very hard to stick to NC and not miss someone even though you KNOW they are not your future Link to comment
Cnstnt Evolutn Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 question....how can you KNOW they are not in your future? Call me hopeless romantic for holding onto an idea, but you never know depending on the circumstances that person you thought you knew would never be in your life again may have themselves presented to you again later in life when you are both more mature and settled... It wrong to hold on to hope like that? - i think it's healthy to do so to an extent, gives faith in the human race, but dont let it consume your every thought or your life. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 question....how can you KNOW they are not in your future? Call me hopeless romantic for holding onto an idea, but you never know depending on the circumstances that person you thought you knew would never be in your life again may have themselves presented to you again later in life when you are both more mature and settled... It wrong to hold on to hope like that? - i think it's healthy to do so to an extent, gives faith in the human race, but dont let it consume your every thought or your life. I know my ex is/was not my future because I would never live with him because I dislike his kids and family and we do not see eye to eye on ANYTHING. Link to comment
Cnstnt Evolutn Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 ahh...well when you put it like that hehe... i was unaware of your situation. Also, i'm young so i have much to learn about relationships. Im only 23 and i cant say at the moment i know exactly what it is i want but i'd like to think my ex will still be in my future, in any form, not necessarily as a gf. Young love i suppose. I just hate the games we as people play. Wish being straight forward and honest 100% worked but it seems it doesnt. Please correct me if im wrong. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 ahh...well when you put it like that hehe... i was unaware of your situation. Also, i'm young so i have much to learn about relationships. Im only 23 and i cant say at the moment i know exactly what it is i want but i'd like to think my ex will still be in my future, in any form, not necessarily as a gf. Young love i suppose. I just hate the games we as people play. Wish being straight forward and honest 100% worked but it seems it doesnt. Please correct me if im wrong. People do play games and it's not reserved for the younger folks. My ex and I are in our 40's and play games. It's part of being hurt so much and really, just being guarded. Being honest is best, not sure why it's so tough to do. Link to comment
Cnstnt Evolutn Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 i think it boils down to fear of rejection, or of not getting that honesty returned...human nature to protect oneself. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 i think it boils down to fear of rejection, or of not getting that honesty returned...human nature to protect oneself. yeppers x 100 more yeppers Link to comment
Cnstnt Evolutn Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 yeppers x 100 more yeppers arg it sucks lol...i know in my recently ended relationship i took that to the max and she walked. I was perusing over past conversations we had and there were so many i miss you's on her part and stuff. I rarely returned the favor lol. got greedy damnit hehe. Ah well, lesson learned. However, i could also likely guarantee that if i were the opposite and gave even more i miss you's than her she also would have walked for me being too clingy lol...all about balance i guess. Just gotta take this knowledge to the next relation...if she comes around sometime in the future when ive settled and know exactly what i want, and its her, then great...if not thats cool too =) just venting.... Link to comment
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