yucker85 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I'd love to get some advice / insight from women out there. Around the middle of February, my girlfriend of 2 years left me. She was attracted to another man and has since started dating him. (They went offical about two weeks after our break) This was very hard for me considering I was considering marriage with her down the road. However, she has repeatly told me that she wasn't sure about her decision to leave or to be dating this other man. She thought it was a mistake to jump into another relationship so quickly and is not completely over me. It seems like she simply does not want to close the door or provide closure. She will continue to tell me how if I didn't make mistakes x, y or z, we would still be together Over the past month and a half, we have hung out numerous times and have slept together a few times. She has mentioned a few times of how she misses me and just doesnt know her feelings. On the other hand, she says that she likes this other guy alot, how he is sweet, he is a nice guy, etc. And that she is happy, if not temporarily. When we do hang out, she seems to be jealous of girls I have gone out with and also tries to make me jealous of this other guy. At other times, she will talk about what she doesn't like about this other man. All while mentioning how she feels guilty about hanging out with me while dating someone else. She wants to give me the "title" of friend, even though we are hanging out without this other man knowing, etc. I would like to have her back. I reconize the mistakes I made and I pretty sure I have corrected my issues. On the other hand, I do not want to be the "other guy" now. Half of me wants to keep the door open with her but the other half tells me to cut contact with her so she can deal with whatever she needs to. I am afriad I will lose her forever but I want to keep my pride. Any insight would be great as I know you girls know more about how her mind works than I do. Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Just tell her that you value her as more than a friend and she should get in touch with you if she's ever single and interested. After you tell her that you must exit her life. Link to comment
Vince99 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Just tell her that you value her as more than a friend and she should get in touch with you if she's ever single and interested. Does that really work? I mean, will they really remember you said that? Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Does that really work? I mean, will they really remember you said that? They will remember it if they still have feelings more than friendship for you at a later date when they are alone. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 You know your story isn't so uncommon. Everyone calls it he dreaded "rebound". You need to exit out of her life and sooner than later. She'll never miss you while your hanging around and this is just a safety blanket for her in the first place. Seriously. Search "rebound" on her and the psycology behind it. Link to comment
fiona77 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 You said you don't want to lose your pride. I think you already have and that's what is really eating away at you. As much as it hurts and as easy as it is for me to say this as an outsider to your situation (though I have experienced plenty of similar pains) I must just say that if she really loves you and is "marriage material" there would be no question. She would not be stringing two guys along and telling you both she cares for each of you. You would never put someone you "love" through such torture. She is manipulating you to feed her own ego. What she is doing is abusive. She is keeping you at a distance knowing you will come running when she snaps her fingers because you love her. What you feel for her is real, it is love, what she feels for you is someone she can control. It makes her feel powerful and builds up her painfully low self esteem. Having just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship I can truly feel your pain, but you need to turn the same love and respect you have for her onto yourself. Would you treat someone you love the way she is treating you? Link to comment
yucker85 Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Thanks for the advice... I read on this forum a bit more on rebound and it descibes almost exactly what is going on. She has said she is more attracted to this guy but connects with me more.... sound familiar. The only difference was this... we were going through a funk for like 3-4 weeks and she met this guy. So she met him before we split. I am going to do LC since I think in this case NC would seem to be rude and not friendly. I'll let her do the contacting. I spoke with her friend and found out the guy was a virgin and is super clingy. So I am going to do what I have to to feel better about myself... and if/when she finds out what she gave up, I am not going to let her have my heart again so easily. Thank you for pointing this out... I need to get out of her life. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 If you read those post you know what LC generally tends to get the dumpee in the end. Good luck. Link to comment
yucker85 Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 If you read those post you know what LC generally tends to get the dumpee in the end. Good luck. In the articles / posts I read... I didnt see LC spoken of much. We are still friendly, so I thought light LC would be appropriate after a week or so. What do you think is the best approach if the girl shows many signs of not being over me? NC or LC? Link to comment
Vince99 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 NC. If you want her, don't be her "friend". If she were to find herself in some seriously dire circumstance that's different. But you are not her buddy. Unless you want to get hurt. If you want her back, next time she contacts you, you tell her you enjoy talking to her but for now you need a little space from her, and you would appreciate it if she didn't contact you unless it's to talk about getting back together. Link to comment
ScorpiGal83 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 SHE dumped YOU. Let her live with the consequences of her decision. If she really wants you back, make sure she's saying it with actions and not just lip service. Link to comment
yucker85 Posted April 2, 2009 Author Share Posted April 2, 2009 Thanks for the responses... it has given me a new out look on this. One last question... we had plans to cook dinner together tonight. Should I keep them or start NC now and skip our plans? How should I go about this? Link to comment
Vince99 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Get out of it. That's something friends do. Link to comment
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