Just need people to talk to! Advice would be great :(

[lanny709]

Hey,

 

Well I'm a new member here first of all. Not the first time I've had problems with a girl but the first time it's bothered me this much. Here's my story.

 

I'm 20 years old and in my third year of university(doing quite well too!), and she's heading to the same university next year ( she's 18 ). We met last year at a weekend long concert and party called Salmonfest. She was there with one of the guys I went to high school with and I was alone at the time. Right from when we first met we hit it off. She never said a word to the other guy the whole weekend and hung out with me the whole time. Got her phone number and email and talked off and on from then on. Then just after Christmas we started talking a lot more than usual. I've always been more of the relationship type and she was always more of the party time. She decided to come out and tell me that she just wants to settle down. Well, needless to say I was extremely cautious as she's young and because of her past. No, she doesn't get around or hook up with random guys and never has. Well we ended up getting together a short while later. Went on lots of dates and have had loads of fun including in the bedroom. There's chemistry in every situation for us. We had our little arguments as every healthy relationship should. She begged me to open up to her as she could tell I was trying to be distant. I told her I was just afraid she would go back to the "party girl" she was before. Well I ended up getting attached Now I must explain I have a bit of a frustration problem, not the kind to freak out and call names or hit anyone. Just when I'm frustrated about something I tend to take it out on her. I did this a couple of times and she warned me I could not do that and I swore I wouldn't any more. Well I did again. And she lost it.

Since last Wednesday we have been on a "break". At first she had said that it was with full intentions of getting back together we both just needed time to think. I agreed as I just wanted to satisfy her. Well we ended up hanging out and talking the next day. Went great, I explained to her how I understood her concern for my issue and wanted me to fix it. I didn't expect her to come right back at this time. The night ended great, called me before bed to say goodnight and I'd talk to her tomorrow.

Friday comes and no word from her. I have school and work and then a oarty that night which she was supposed to attend with me. After work I could not get a hold of her. Tried a few times and nothing. At this point it was already 930 PM so I figured she must have gone out with her girls and made no bones about it as she does want space. She ALWAYS calls me when shes out partying and talks to me before I go to bed if I'm not with her. And ALWAYS calls when she gets home that night. Well no word at all Friday night

Saturday rolls around... not a word at all from her....

Sunday comes along and I get a message at around 1 PM saying "were you trying to reach me?" I explained to her how I was worried and hadn't heard from her. it was odd. She speaks now as if very distant. Not the lovey dovey way she used to be as if she really enjoyed a conversation with me. now it's like a chore. Well obviously the converstaion didn't go the greatest. But no blow ups or arguments.

Monday comes around.. I'm in a mad scramble trying to figure out whats going on with her as only a few days ago everything was great besides the break thing. I tried to talk to her about it on Monday, trying to figure out what was wrong. And now her answer for are we going to get back together is "I don't know" and do you love me, "I Dont know". Where did this sudden change come from??????????

Yesterday(tuesday) comes and I avoided trying to contact her the whole day and was successful until about 1030 PM that night. SHE messaged me on messenger and it was just like a normal conversation. I avoided as much as I could to bring up the break so I just played along with this "normal" conversation. Near the end we both began to get tired and she became irritable again and began speaking very short again. Not enjoying the conversation. I asked what was wrong now. and she left signed off and that was it.

I know I haven't given very many details about myself or the girl but If you can draw any sort of conculsions about what she is thinking and what could have caused this sudden change of heart it would be GREAT! I'm supposed to attend her graduation as her date on May 2nd and we are supposed to go on a trip this summer when she finishes school but she is now unsure of all of this and the life of our relationship. Is she just trying to teach me a lesson? Or does she actually not care at all? Is she just keeping me on a string while she finds a suitable replacement? I've avoided contacting her as much as I can because I think It'll just drive her away more? She knows that I don't mind when she goes out and parties with out me because a lot of her friends are also close to me so they look out for each other. WHat is hse trying to accomplish here? Why won't she decide where it is our relationship is going, if anywhere? It's been a week now remember. What happened to her?

 

HELPPPPPPPPP

 

Thanks in advance,

Lance

[lanny709]

37 views... no replies? ouch

[lanny709]

Alright still no replies but here's an update. It's officially "over" but she still talks to me now everyday. I try to keep it as normal as possible and just try to keep as distant as possible and we end up every time just laughing at each other and kidding around like always. Is this good or not? I also noticed that a lot of the times we talk both of us (yes, I'm equally guilty) tend to drift towards sexual talk specifically about the two of us in almost every conversation. She seems to be keeping busy with her girlfriends all of the time but has brought up a possible hang out next week. I'm not so sure this is a good idea... might just lead to sex? Well, for the weekend I've decided to fly away from home for a break and not telling any of my friends where I am. Mainly because she is close with many of my friends and if she's trying to get a hold of me, well, they don't know where I am either! Maybe she'll start to miss me huh?

 

Oh and I discussed her graduation and told her that it might not be such a good idea that I go. She was pretty upset but said yes it may be awkward. Good or no?

 

COME ON! I know some people have opinions out there. I'm not the first person this has happened to! Tell me what I should do from here or if I'm right or wrong so far.

 

Thanks much,

Lance

[The_411]

Lance,

 

She was already geting some "strange" when things were going soouth in your relationship.

 

Cut her off. She's 18 and not worth your time nor the hassle.

 

It is extremely rare that 18 she wants to settle down. That's when girls really start getting offers from all sorts of guys.

 

You're a young pup you should be enjoying women right now and having fun and not getting tied down.

 

Date multiple women, but seriosuly don't have a girlfriend at 20 it's just wasting your life and you'll be resentful about it latter.

[lanny709]

I understand what you're saying, However, I'm just not the type of person not to only like one girl. I've never known any different. I've had my share of single time to go out and be around other women, but I tend to quickly get sick of that and yearn for a relationship. What do you mean she was already getting some "strange"? And I know she gets offers from guys too, I've been there with her and see how she handles it. And when I'm not there I hear about it from friends too. If a guy approaches her to offer a drink she'll say sure then tell him to bugger off hahaha. I think she still has those feelings for me but wants to get away from it all for a bit I'm just not sure how long. I'm just afraid that she does something like hooks up with another guy, I'll never be able to look at her the same.

 

Thank you for your response 411

[vertigoxo]

My ex is doing this to me as well. One minute, it's "I love you a lot still" and "I can see us together in the future" and him talking to his friends about wanting me back... Well, weeks have gone by, and now he doesn't give a * * * * about me anymore.

 

It happens. People get nasty during break ups, especially during the first few weeks of it. Emotions are on the run from both the dumper and the dumpee. Just imagine; Partying around, burning photos of your ex with anger, getting into meaningless rebounds, etc.

 

It's their way of coping, I suppose. Who knows. Right now you should just go NC and take some time for yourself. I know it's hard, but it's the only way to heal.

 

Good luck. And PS, I am also 18 and I am the relationship, serious type of girl. I want a long lasting relationship with someone special, and I know I'm still young, but don't generalize young people like that. My 2 cents.

[lanny709]

Thanks much! I've had no contact the past couple days now but still leave it open for her to contact I just won't always respond. She messaged me tonight telling me how much she misses me and still sleeps with a bear I gave her for Valentines day? what the * * * * ... and then decides to tell me that it's her moms bday tomorrow and we have to go visit her? I told her I can't because I'm out of town. She was pretty upset at this. She said " you decided to leave the province and didn't tell me?" I just said to her well yea you broke up with me.... then she says " yup anyways ive gotta go"

 

I'm gonna avoid all talk with her until Tuesday at LEAST id say. thats if she even wants to talk to me anymore.