16 days NC, getting worse

[uj2004]

Well, 16 days into NC now, and no sign of her messaging.

 

Damn this is hard. Just when you start to think you are making progress, the breakup and the loss of my ex hits me like its fresh, again and again. I have not shed any tears in about 2 weeks, so from that standpoint it could be worse. I am not lying in bed all day or anything, I am still going to work like everyone else, but I just feel so down.

 

I talk about her way too often to people, and today I pretty much had my mind on her all day. Most days I at least get a few mins of not running it over and over in my mind.

 

I guess the worst parts are that I chose this....she was willing to hang out and stuff even though there is someone else. I am scared that if I do want some sort of friendship with her in the future, that she has now taken that off the table.

 

And the worst thought is the same as everyone else - what if she is all happy with the new guy and really doesn't care less about me (after 3 1/2 years)? I still haven't even seen her since the breakup, I saw her 5 days before it. Its just crushing me.

[Sadly Mistaken]

I'm sorry your going through this, i've been in NC for 47 days and i was the one who ended the relationship of 2 years, i regretted it but it was to late he moved on.

 

Thankfully it does start to feel better gradually, by day 30 it didn't make me feel sick to think about them. But it does still hurt i won't lie, i truly believe the only way to heal is to meet someone new, not right now but one day.

 

Be Strong it won't hurt forever.

[InRecovery]

Its like you're breaking an addiction ... you have to want to let go, and you have to be doing this for you and not to get a reaction out of her. Its cool to hope for that but you have to be realistic.

 

I echo the thoughts of Sadly Mistaken, for some reason around the month mark I went into the biggest low ... but came out of it, and now my ex feels like a stranger to me because no contact breaks down some of that idealistic attachment.

[sillygurl]

It's OK! It will get better, than worse again. You just have to hang on, and have faith that the pain will eventually subside.

 

From what I've heard it always works that way- you feel ok for two weeks, then you feel like crap again. It's a cycle: it gets better and than worse, but eventually the low points aren't as bad.

 

I'm in the same situation as you: was with my ex for 3.5 years, broke so we could both get space and perspective- and he was with someone new a week later. He doesn't even care about me anymore, in fact he acts like he can't stand the sight of me! The worst part is he treats the new girl better than he'd treated me in ages.... which has a lot to do with why I needed a break in the first place. But that's not the point- you will go through this, where you feel horrible and doubt yourself and wonder if they ever cared at all to have gotten over you so quickly. It's normal.

 

And yeah, it sucks. I'm sorry. Just try to focus on yourself, heal yourself during this time. Figure out how to create new memories without your ex, so that you won't have so many reminders of her, and it'll get easier in time.

 

XO

[uj2004]

Its like you're breaking an addiction ... you have to want to let go, and you have to be doing this for you and not to get a reaction out of her. Its cool to hope for that but you have to be realistic.

 

I dont think I did it to get a reaction, and I certainly think, know, that she will never be with me again. But I guess I thought I would hear from her, even though I guess she is just trying to respect the 1 month's space I asked for. I just thought she would miss me enough to message, since she messages her ex of 4 years ago constantly still, and was lost when he would disappear from her life at times when her and I were together.

[ratfreak]

it's been 4 weeks and it seems like things are getting worst.

week 3 was ok and now i'm back to the start.

i mean... i can eat and sleep better now but the hurt inside is terrible.

the crying hasn't stopped either.

 

it HAS to go away because we have to get better for ourselves and the other great people in our lives.

[Junebug81]

I definitely understand what you are going through. I've been in NC for 3months with my ex. I definitely still have him on my mind every day and there is always an urge to break NC and contact him. I also feel hurt that he has not tried to contact me and it makes me feel like I meant nothing to him after 10 years of being together. But the honest truth is I can not assume what he is feeling or thinking. You must remain strong and allow yourself to heal and think about why you guys broke up in the first place. An advice that was given to me is that you should not beat yourself up for thinking about your ex but acknowledge the progress you've made. It is a big accomplishment to NC for 16 days! Take it one day at a time. Focus on yourself and figure what you want and stick to it. Take care.

[Johnathan]

I also feel hurt that he has not tried to contact me and it makes me feel like I meant nothing to him after 10 years of being together.

 

man do I know that feeling, it really makes me wonder if this whole "it's better to have loved and lost" is just some overrated baloney. Right now I feel like I would be much better off had I never met my ex. I didn't get involved with her so I could one day call her my 'ex'.

[vertigoxo]

man do I know that feeling, it really makes me wonder if this whole "it's better to have loved and lost" is just some overrated baloney. Right now I feel like I would be much better off had I never met my ex. I didn't get involved with her so I could one day call her my 'ex'.

 

You just took the words straight out of my mouth!