JustBeachy Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Give me the pros and cons. Every time I do it, it turns out to be a total disaster. I'm not currently dating one, I'm just curious to see what the board thinks. Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 One pro is that she's unlikely to want your attention 24/7 because she's busy. Link to comment
yellowcal Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 The pros and cons really depend on you. If it isn't something you are prepared to do or want to do, maybe you should avoid it. I'm a single mom and it definitely makes things harder with dating. I can't just be spontaneous as if it were just me and another person. I have to think about my son and involve him in the process. Also as a single mom, I prefer to take things slower than I probably would if I didn't have a child. The biggest con or pro, however you choose to look at it is regardless of whether the father is involved or not if things get serious you will ultimately be playing father to someone else's child and having to share your time with this child. Link to comment
JustBeachy Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 I can't just be spontaneous as if it were just me and another person. I think that's the main thing that I don't like, to be honest with you. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Grabbing my own bag of popcorn... Link to comment
yellowcal Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I think that's the main thing that I don't like, to be honest with you. That is one of the hardest things for someone who is dating a single parent. I can completely understand. Link to comment
JustBeachy Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Grabbing my own bag of popcorn... haha, I feel ya. I'm not trying to start or instigate anything. I just figure a good debate would be nice. Link to comment
yellowcal Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 haha, I feel ya. I'm not trying to start or instigate anything. I just figure a good debate would be nice. Good luck having a good, friendly debate on here. It can get testy. People are easily offended. Link to comment
JustBeachy Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Good luck having a good, friendly debate on here. It can get testy. People are easily offended. I know. I hope people keep it nice. I don't have anything at all against single moms. I admire them because it's such a tough job to do alone and then go to work and/or school. Not easy at all! I just can't date them anymore because I'm a very spontaneous person. A single mom can't be that way, so it never works and always ends up in a disaster. Link to comment
yellowcal Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 To each their own. You aren't disrespecting anyone by saying you wouldn't date a single mom. It isn't for everyone and I am saying this as a single mom. I couldn't date a single father if I was infact single without a child myself. Hypocritical of me? Possibly but it's hard to deal with. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Alright, well i`ll jump right in then. I have always been against dating single mothers. I have also never dated a single mother. I always assumed they were largely unavailable, too busy, and wouldn`t want any more children. I also assume that they have ex issues and that the father of their child will be a constant hassle. I just went on a date with a single mother. She was awesome. And largely available. I was surprised. I don`t know about the father of the kid thing yet, but I doubt it will be as big of an issue as I have led myself to believe. Link to comment
yellowcal Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Another con of dating a single mom you have to be careful with the ones who are only out looking for a daddy for their children. There are a lot of those out there! Link to comment
Raistlin Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I'm still young, and as of yet, I haven't dated a single mother. I was highly opposed to it for a while for some very selfish reasons, but I sat down and thought about it. I couldn't date a single mother at the moment for some very key reasons. I am a very jealous person, and if there were a "baby daddy" in the picture, I could see me making a big deal out of extended contact I'm not ready to assume any fatherly duties, babysit, or take care of a child in any fashion. I'm just ill-equipped right now. I'd love to have a long term relationship with someone if we click, but I couldn't stand if there was any baggage if we split (such as the child looking up to me, were they old enough) There were more reasons when I thought about it, but these are just a few big ones. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I was a single mother for most of my life. It's hard to do, but you can find the time...and hire baby sitters. I never let it keep me from having a social life...and men never seemed to mind. It also depends on the age of the kids as to how 'held down' you are. Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Well, I'm a female , but have no interest in dating a single dad for these reasons. -I don't to want take on another man's child. I know men will say they are not looking for a mother for their children, but then they are clearly not looking for a relationship otherwise you'd think they'd WANT a woman who wants that child in their life. -I want my first child to be his first child as well -a child SHOULD be the most important thing. Where do single parents find all this time to date? This tells me how important their children are to them. -I did date a guy when I was much younger who had a kid. I never even met the kid as he lived in another province, but my boyfriend at the time could never go away on a longer holiday nor could we do much because a lot of his finances/ holiday time or holidays had to be spent with his son. At the time I was only 22 and had plans to go oversas/ travel, do so many things.. none of these things could I do with a guy with a kid. And for the reasons stated above. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I agree. And maybe i am a hypocrite as i was a single mom for a little while, but my son was 16, almost 17, so it was not quite the same as having toddlers in tow. He was 18 by the time i seriously started dating again tho. There are plenty of men and women who just don't mind dating a single parent. I can't say I was one of those people only because I didn't want to take that on after raising my own. BUt i would have been less stringent if the kids were teens as I get along far better with older kids than those under ten. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I agree. And maybe i am a hypocrite as i was a single mom for a little while, but my son was 16, almost 17, so it was not quite the same as having toddlers in tow. He was 18 by the time i seriously started dating again tho. There are plenty of men and women who just don't mind dating a single parent. I can't say I was one of those people only because I didn't want to take that on after raising my own. BUt i would have been less stringent if the kids were teens as I get along far better with older kids than those under ten. Me too. I cant see myself dating a guy with a toddler, but a teen wouldn't be so bad. I've raised mine, and don't intend on raising anymore. Link to comment
deaxtime2 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I am dating a single mother with a child that is 8. It is not that bad at all. The father is a deadbeat and hasn't been in his or her life since he was born, so not an issue. I am big kid at heart so I enjoy hanging out with him. When he goes to bed we have our time. He sleeps over at grandma's Saturday night so that is our date night. I guess it is all in viewpoint, I knew when I was going in was both them, not just her. You have be able to put pettiness aside and realize that parent/child bond is the strongest bond, instead of feeling jealous etc. the of child, feel happy and joyous that you are there to witness this bond, and encourage it to grow stronger. I feel guilty and I tell her when I don't feel she is spending enough time with him. I might be gone and out of the picture tomorrow, but that bond lasts forever. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 i won't date single moms. pros: i save myself the stress factor cons: i have no cons with this attitude, but i have nothing against single moms Link to comment
sweeteyez Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Im a single mom, not by choice, as my sons father passed away in 2001. So Nope no baby daddy drama. My son is almost 14. You never know the story...its easy to judge without knowing! IMO of course. Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Im a single mom, not by choice, as my sons father passed away in 2001. So Nope no baby daddy drama. My son is almost 14. You never know the story...its easy to judge without knowing! IMO of course. Yes, you are right! One should not judge. Link to comment
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