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Why do people only react to being treated like crap??


KT99

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I'm going thru a relationship dilemma right now. I treat my bf as good as I can. I am ALWAYS reliable.I'm a good friend, I'm always there for him. At least as much as I can. We are in a semi LD relationship right now. We talk pretty much EVERY day, but on the weekends he disappears, and it drives me NUTS. He did it again this last weekend.I have TOLD him this bothers me, yet he does it anyway. All I expect is a quick text or call or email saying hi I'm thinking of you. How much effort is that?? It's hard enough being in this situation, this just causes me to distance myself. So for the last two days I have ignored his attempts to "talk " to me. He sent an email yesterday, then today accusing me of "ignoring" him..but never apologizing for disappearing all weekend. Then he tried calling me which I sent to V-mail. I'm sick of it.

I'd rather be alone that in a relationship like this.

 

I have realized though that as soon as I refuse to talk to him, he THEN becomes attentive. Why does it have to come to this????

I actually sometimes think I am TOO nice to him, and that is pretty SCREWED up. I am not the type to just ignore someone at all..but I am fed up!!!

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I'm considering it..and tonite as expected he's sent about six emails I've not responded to.Now he's saying he 'misses" me and hopes I am OK.......all this because I am staying silent rather than fighting with him. Guess silence IS golden!

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I'm considering it..and tonite as expected he's sent about six emails I've not responded to.Now he's saying he 'misses" me and hopes I am OK.......all this because I am staying silent rather than fighting with him. Guess silence IS golden!

 

Yes I guess so but you can't keep him in the silence for too long. Might as well start responding back and tell him what you don't like putting up with or just send him a break up email.

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As I said before..I never ignore him or anyone, but this has happened repeatedly.

I always accept his "excuses" and sweep it under the rug. I have NEVER ignored him

for an entire day.NEVER . I did send him a short response to his last email.. "I'm ok, maybe we can talk tomorrow". That was it. So maybe now he'll know I'm serious.

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My only thought is to communicate your wants and needs as they arrive - in other words, make sure you are being assertive. No one can read anyone else's mind. He might want to spend more time with you on weekends, but he's obviously also leaning another direction. Or he might be getting a vibe from you that makes him think otherwise - at least, not until after the damage is done and the weekend is ruined.

 

Next time he's talking about all the things he wants to do on the weekend (without you), calmly tell him that you love him, and you totally appreciate his need to do his own thing, but you really want to spend more time together with him this weekend. When your needs are clearly known, stated in an undemanding manner, then it's up to him to make the right decision. Depending on his response, you can make your decision whether you want to stay with him or not.

 

Getting angry with him for not reading your mind, after the fact, probably isn't going to get you very far.

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I find this happens a lot with some men. Hopefully he is realizing that the disappearing act doesn't feel so great. It's really important that you communicate all these feelings with him when you start talking again though. Make him realize how big of a deal it is to you. If you can get past this, keep an eye out for if he makes an effort to change it. Sometimes people truly do no see the simple ways they take people for granted.

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The relationship isn't necessarily doomed.

 

You have a lot of influence here and I hope the fact that he tries to contact you so much when you disappear is a signal to that. A little distance is golden. I know you may not like to hear this, but there is some value to being less available to him. Honestly, there are some guys who don't appreciate you as much when you are always available to them.

 

I wonder what's going on in your life? Are you busy? Do you have outside interests? I understand what you mean about the weekend, but I think you can see that to get what you want, you have to let him pursue you a little and not pursue him so hard.

 

I'm there with you though. I understand how you feel. I used to want my bf to contact me more; once I stopped calling him as much, he started to call me more.

 

Of course, if you are sick of it, end it.

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Your Partner Needs to Step Up (Don&...
Your Partner Needs to Step Up (Don't Accept His SH*T!)

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