vertigoxo Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I believe I have posted this thread elsewhere before, but have not gotten much answers. Anyways, my question is: Why would a guy ask someone else how the guy's ex is, after he initiated NC to try and get over her? Why ask someone? Why does he care? Why open fresh wounds even more? Link to comment
ratfreak Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I have no idea. My ex has been asking me who I've been hanging out with 4 weeks after he broke up with me. My guess is he's not doing so hot and wants to make himself feel better by maybe hearing that you're miserable. Link to comment
Stereohead Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Because at some point he cared about her. It's nice and rather comforting and almost a since of closure to know the other person is doing well... Honestly, I found out my ex was doing poorly and now I'm worried about him... His life is always being controlled by his family-I'm the complete opposite and don't allow anyone to control my actions. It's not a bad thing to care about the people in our past. Especially if you loved them...my ex was my first love. (I don't love often...and I use the term hardly). I don't care what he put me through, that doesn't matter now, I'm not with him, don't want him, I'm happy with my boyfriend I have now... But that doesn't mean I don't want him to be happy either. To me, it's like knowing that what we went through (however horrible, etc and even the good times), that he got through it too. I personally think it's impossible to take every person out of your heart...to me, every person you meet leaves a small impression on you. And at some point or another...it's nice knowing the people you cared about (doesn't matter how it ended) are doing well. If not. Course it can make us sad they didn't have better luck... But anyways...It's best not to read too far into it. Curiosity and caring is all it is. No need to be jealous about that unless he's trying to hide something from you-then it's something that needs to be brought up. Edit: Granted, it can also be flipped like the above poster mentioned. But what I wrote is my impression and experience. Link to comment
Keyman Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 When I am over an ex, I still love them no matter how bad the break up is, and I do at times seek to determine how they are doing. Some I just ask straight up, others I wish I could. This is from my own caring nature and interest in knowing that their lives are going well. Depending on how long the NC has been, perhaps he is interested in her status ie, is she still single as there might be a chance to come back... Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 When I am over an ex, I still love them no matter how bad the break up is, and I do at times seek to determine how they are doing. Some I just ask straight up, others I wish I could. This is from my own caring nature and interest in knowing that their lives are going well. Depending on how long the NC has been, perhaps he is interested in her status ie, is she still single as there might be a chance to come back... What if he asks nearly, say... not even a week after he initiated NC? Then what? Link to comment
Casey13 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Because there are still feelings involved and he is tempted to know. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Because there are still feelings involved and he is tempted to know. NC is supposed to be about getting over someone, to erase them from your existence, to keep some distance. And yet, he has to ask how I am? The nerve of some people... rather, the idiocy some people have. It baffles me. Link to comment
Stereohead Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Your being rather rude. NC isn’t meant to erase them from you existence… It’s a form of action meant to separate yourself from that person so you can reevaluate your life and get yourself together… It doesn’t mean to pretend that the person is “dirt” and never happened. That’s a very unhealthy way to view things. He cares for your feelings and your well being and that makes him an idiot? Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Your being rather rude. NC isn’t meant to erase them from you existence… It’s a form of action meant to separate yourself from that person so you can reevaluate your life and get yourself together… It doesn’t mean to pretend that the person is “dirt” and never happened. That’s a very unhealthy way to view things. He cares for your feelings and your well being and that makes him an idiot? I didn't mean it to sound it like that. Sorry. I just got off the phone with a guy friend of mines and he told me he has seen my ex yesterday in school with hickeys all over his neck. My heart felt like this burning sensation, but I'm alright now, cause I know I can do better than that. But anyways... I just don't think he should wonder how I am if he's out whoring about hahaha Link to comment
yeawutever Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Because he still cares about her, the same way he would care for a brother. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Because he still cares about her, the same way he would care for a brother. Just DAYS after he doesn't want to speak to me, though? I can understand if a month or two passed, and he might wonder how I am, that's fine, but merely days? Link to comment
thedude27 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Its because its hard to let go of someone. I'm assuming he was the dumper which is why this is baffling for you? Dumpers, have guilt. Knowing you are ok aleviates that guilt from them. Also depending on the reason for leaving there may still be love, and I'm sure at some point he cared for you and he still may. Its pretty common, in fact your scenario is probably the most common where someone breaks up and in a few days starts sniffing around. Then there are the 2-4 monthers that start wondering after being out there for a bit if they made a mistake and then there are the long termer's some never wonder and some come back 6 months or several years later. Read the posts around here, you will see post after post on both sides of the fence about ppl having a hard time with NC. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Its because its hard to let go of someone. I'm assuming he was the dumper which is why this is baffling for you? Dumpers, have guilt. Knowing you are ok aleviates that guilt from them. Also depending on the reason for leaving there may still be love, and I'm sure at some point he cared for you and he still may. Its pretty common, in fact your scenario is probably the most common where someone breaks up and in a few days starts sniffing around. Then there are the 2-4 monthers that start wondering after being out there for a bit if they made a mistake and then there are the long termer's some never wonder and some come back 6 months or several years later. Read the posts around here, you will see post after post on both sides of the fence about ppl having a hard time with NC. I was the dumper, not him. I did felt guilt when I did leave him, but what's he asking me for? That is the question. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 More than anything, though, I just wish he would get over me completely. I just have this feeling that he isn't over me yet, and I don't blame him... I guess I'm impatient to a lot of things! Link to comment
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