Help - my family is driving me crazy

[Chick_28]

I am having such problems with my family lately. I would really appreciate some advice! Before you read on....a warning...this is LONG!!!

 

I’m a 28 year old woman and happily married to a wonderful man. That part of my life is perfect.

 

The problem is with my 2 sisters mainly, especially the one nearest to me in age. I am the eldest (28 years old), my next sister is 26 and the youngest is 23.

 

The 26 year old (Jess) is a nightmare. Jess causes a lot of trouble between me and my parents. She continuously phones them up to complain about me...perhaps I forgot to text her for some job interview to wish her luck, perhaps I forgot to respond to some Facebook message she left me etc. etc. Next thing, I will get a call from my mom who is going crazy at me on the phone for not responding to the Facebook message Jess left me or for forgetting to text her etc. etc. They are just examples of what has happened in the last 2 weeks. This has been going on for years.

 

Then this week, I had a doctors appointment in the town where Jess lives (30 miles away). I was in a rush to get there as it was a specialist appointment, I took the morning off work. I was back in work by lunchtime and I rang my mom to let her know how the appointment went. She told me that she had been speaking to Jess and had mentioned that I was in her town for the appointment. Jess went absolutely crazy that I hadn’t contacted her to let her know I was in her town. Jess has a 9-5 job and wouldn’t have been able to meet me anyway – if I had let her know I was there she probably would have gone crazy at me for ‘disturbing her at work’. Anyway, I was back in my own town by lunchtime and my appointment, although in the same town Jess works in, was about 20 minutes accross town from her. There was no way I could have met her and I never thought it would be an issue not to tell her I was in town as I had to be back to my own work by lunchtime.

 

Of course, I’m not allowed be pi$$ed at the many times Jess drives right past my front door on the way to visit mom and doesn’t call in to say hi.

 

Next thing I know...my mom is not speaking to me over me not telling Jess I was in her town for an hour that morning. This ‘not speaking to me’ thing by my mom went on for almost a week. In the meantime, as usual, I was in a mess, so upset by all this.

 

Are you seeing a pattern here? This happens all the time. Jess causing trouble and upsetting me and turning my mom against me. I just can’t handle it anymore. I just want to live a happy life with my husband and get along with everyone. I feel like I am tip-toeing around all the time, afraid I will forget to text Jess over something or wondering everytime I ring my Mom is she going to be not speaking to me over something I will ‘allegedly’ have done to Jess.

 

Recently, my youngest sister (Kelly) has started the same thing. My husband thinks she’s getting it from Jess. Kelly lives 100 miles from me and is in college. Her college end-of-year dance thing (kind of like a prom night) is coming up and I happened to be in the town she is in college the weekend before last weekend. I brought her prom dress up with me and left it in my friend’s house for her to collect, as she was on a camping trip (so my mom told me) for the weekend so I couldn’t drop it directly to her.

 

To cut a long story short, Kelly kept missing my friend as she is always out so everytime Kelly called to her house, she wasn’t in. She rang my mom in a panic over not having the dress. She went crazy, blaming me. Of course my mom rang me, I got the usual tone over the phone and knew she was pi$$ed with me. I told her it’s not my fault if my friend is not at home, I cannot control my friend. She was soooo mad at me coz my friend was not home. I gave Kelly my friend’s cell phone number and told her to phone her to make arrangements, that there was nothing I could do as I am 100 miles away. Anyway, Kelly has known my friend pretty much for most of her life as we are from the same area.

 

THEN, to top it all off, my mom turned around and told me that Kelly was NOT on a camping trip the weekend I was up there, that she had only told me that so I wouldn’t have to drive to her with the dress as it would ‘ruin my weekend and put me out’ and now it’s my fault that she didn’t have the dress. When all along I could have given it directly to her myself. When I challenged my mom on lying to me about Kelly’s supposed ‘camping trip’ she denied she ever told me such a thing.

 

I feel like I am going crazy. Like they are all against me, out to get me. My husband is so upset for me. He can see what they are doing to me. It’s like they are out to hurt me all the time, I can do nothing right with them. It’s so upsetting.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation?? I just don’t know what to do and don’t think I can take it anymore....](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)

[jul-els]

I know how you feel. My family has the ability to annoy me with things that seem completely off the wall also. The way I handle it is to tell them explicitly what they are doing to annoy me and why I find it bothersome. It helps to just get it off your chest and out into the air. Sometimes it actually causes them to think about what they're doing too!

[shikashika]

Well, the not speaking to each other thing is very childish.

 

Is Jess lonely? have you drifted apart since you got married? Maynbe she feels like you don't make time for her?

 

Also, if she is very sensitive, then maybe this is why she is going off at you for not responding to her facebook messages. They do seem like very silly reasons but then we are only getting one side of the story. You say this has been going on for years; do you think perhaps you have been a bit slack in meeting up with her or texting her or calling her?

 

You are probably very busy with your husband and are probably less inclined to make an effort to text your sister or call her or facebook her. Maybe she feels hurt that you don't initiate it. I have no idea what goes on.. i'm just guessing.

 

With the younger sister, I am surprised that you didn't contact her and would just leave it with a friend.. did you try calling your sister ro just assume she was camping.

 

With your doctors's appointment, that is totally understandable that you wouldn't stop in for a visit...but who knows it was the lead up and a bunch of other things that made her loser her lid over.

 

At any rate, it sounds like there is misunderstandings on both sides. I hope you sort it out, because family issues are never fun and never worth fighting over in the long run.

 

Good luck!