HUUUUUUGE Problem

[foreveralone]

ooook I have a problem. huge HUGE problem.

 

I love my boyfriend. We are in love, have enough in common to talk for hours and hours, yet different enough to interest and learn from eachother and we compliment eachother in great ways. We have the same goals for marriage, children, same passion for our religion, and have known eachother for a loong long time. We have been exclusively dating for 2 months. he's 25, I'm 20. He's applying to graduate schools and has a good job and lives on his own. I am a first year med student. that's the big background.

 

ok. now the problem. He has TONS of girl-friends. All his best friends are girls-and some of them are BEAUTIFUL-WAAY hotter than me. WAY. I'm not being modest, k, at least 4 of them are just knockouts. I am having trouble trusting him. I have been able to hide this insecurity because I know it would hurt him. I also know it's not based on much, if anything. But everytime I see a girl post on his fb wall or he puts a quote of something funny a friend who's a girl said or when he has dinner with girls he's buddies with from college, I get nuts in my head. This is so messed up beause he's a great, decent guy. I am just so jealous and it makes me feel so insecure. I'm so afraid one day I'll slip and make a nasty comment and he'll be like, "what? where is this coming from?" Does anyone have any advice? I would really appreciate any help; this is just putting an enormous burden on me. Why don't I trust the man who says (and backs it up with actions) he wants to spend the rest of his life with me? (please dont be put off by this; yes weve only dated seriously for 2 months, but we were casually datng for 3 months before that and have been super super close friends for over a year). I've known him for years as a buddy.

 

is trust just something that comes with time?

[HouseKitten]

So long as he's not behaving inappropriately with them then I don't think you should mention it. He probably won't see the problem and he might think you're overreacting.

 

I know how you feel though, it used to drive me crazy when my ex would chat and go out with girls he knew from school, especially the attractive ones. It's natural! Who wouldn't be worried that he'll be attracted to them?

 

But hopefully with time if you continue to see him keeping them as friends and being faithful, it might get easier

[oldenoughtoknow]

From what you've said about him, the huge problem is you (not trying to be mean). It sounds like he hasn't given you any reason to doubt his fidelity. If you're worried about blind siding him, don't be afraid to talk to him about it - briefly. Ask him if he's happy, and that sometimes you worry because he knows all these beautiful women - ask him in a playful manner - don't look like you're desperately concerned about it. Especially early on in a relationship, a little bit of jealousy can actually be endearing. Once he knows your sensitivity to it, he may make some changes that will alleviate your insecurities. Just little things, like not mentioning the funny thing his Elle MacPherson lookalike friend said the other night at dinner, etc. And, just keep in the back of your mind, if he wanted to be with one of the models, he would be with one of the models. From everything you've said, it sounds like he wants to be with you. You obviously have a beauty that you aren't even aware of.

[jul-els]

If there is no evidence of him cheating then you have nothing to be suspicious about. You knew he had a lot of female friends before you got involved so that's part of the deal. If you give him a lot of grief about it, it will drive a wedge between you. Maybe in time those friends will fall by the wayside but ultimately you just have to trust him.

[pedal]

I concur with above responses, but to put your fears to rest, I would talk to him about it but do it in a way that doesn't put him on the defensive or make him feel like you don't want him to have girl friends because I'm guessing that's exactly how he'll feel if you blindside him.

[blue69]

Insecurity and jealousy will fester nothing but negativeness into your relationship. Get a control on these things before they control your relationship.

 

He is obviously attracted to who you are. He must like what he sees. Don't distract him with a negativeness from within. People interested in a long term relationship are generally more concerned with the make up of someone on the inside than the outside. Concentrate on what you are from within. You can control this aspect of your life.

 

If you are a secure, confident, loveable person, those attributes will contribute more to a long term relationship than any hot body ever will.

 

Good luck.