enchanted771 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I have been seeing this guy for a month (we talked a month before we met, so talking a total of 2 months). We talk alllll the time, and are going to start seeing more of each other too. Well, I know at some point we are going to have to have the conversation on if he wants a relationship with me or what he wants. I just dont want to put too much pressure right now, and I know its a fair question, but given that we just talked about seeing each other more, it seems too fast. What is everyone's take on this? I would like to give him the opportunity to bring it up first. He is very reserved and it takes some time to get him to open up, but I would like to see if he does. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 That depends on a lot of things. You have got to know your relationship. Some people have that talk after the third date, others after the tenth. Some wait a few weeks, others a few months. It all depends on when you both feel the relationship has progressed to the point where that question becomes inevitable. But not a moment sooner. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 My SO & I both pretty much went with the flow for awhile, around 4-5 months of seeing each other before having that talk. My situation might be different because we went into this relationship thinking we wouldnt fall for each other & just wanted to have something casual but it turned into something much more serious. I was always reluctant to bring up the exclusive talk, I waited for the guy to do it & they always did, in time. In my experience, usually took about a month or two before even thinking about it. This solely depends on the 2 people, timing & feelings for one another. Oh wanted to add, that when I was younger I wanted the "exclusive" talk alot faster then when I got older. Not sure if that even matters but something I noticed about myself & wanted to throw out there. Link to comment
Tethys Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 If you feel that you know him well, you should feel comfortable asking him where this is going. If you do that, be prepared for the answer. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 My SO & I both pretty much went with the flow for awhile, around 4-5 months of seeing each other before having that talk. My situation might be different because we went into this relationship thinking we wouldnt fall for each other & just wanted to have something casual but it turned into something much more serious. I was always reluctant to bring up the exclusive talk, I waited for the guy to do it & they always did, in time. In my experience, usually took about a month or two before even thinking about it. This solely depends on the 2 people, timing & feelings for one another. Oh wanted to add, that when I was younger I wanted the "exclusive" talk alot faster then when I got older. Not sure if that even matter but something I noticed about myself. Thanks, I think I will wait another month and then see how I feel. If he doesnt bring it up then I guess, I will ask him the dreaded question. Althought I would like to just be patient a while longer and see if he does. I guess if he doesnt, then I am going to ask him what specifically he was hoping to happen between us. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 If you feel that you know him well, you should feel comfortable asking him where this is going. If you do that, be prepared for the answer. I know him but not to that point yet. So I am just going to wait. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Thanks, I think I will wait another month and then see how I feel. If he doesnt bring it up then I guess, I will ask him the dreaded question. Althought I would like to just be patient a while longer and see if he does. I guess if he doesnt, then I am going to ask him what specifically he was hoping to happen between us. Yes, I think asking too early on might be a turn off & might scare him, but maybe not for some people. I would suggest waiting it out a bit.. Once you think its more then enough time to mention it & he hasn't already, ask & see what he thinks. You do want to be on the same page! Link to comment
riley123 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I was always reluctant to bring up the exclusive talk, I waited for the guy to do it & they always did, in time. In my experience, usually took about a month or two before even thinking about it. This solely depends on the 2 people, timing & feelings for one another. Oh wanted to add, that when I was younger I wanted the "exclusive" talk alot faster then when I got older. Not sure if that even matters but something I noticed about myself & wanted to throw out there. I agree with this. My thought is that you should wait a little longer so you have a better sense of what he's thinking. Continue to get to know him and just focus on having fun! Whatever happens...happens. Good luck! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 When you feel comfortable enough to ask without being worried about the answer Link to comment
WizardofOz Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I would wait a bit longer to allow him to become a bit more comfortable. It sounds like things are going well and it is unlikely either of you are seeing other people. Once you start to see each other more often it should become clear that you guys want to be more than just "dating". Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 When you feel comfortable enough to ask without being worried about the answer Very good point. Link to comment
RoxyGril Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I think when the time is right and you feel comfortable about asking and what to expect as the answer. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 i would just leave it. i've never really asked the question cus i never felt like you needed to. the relationship's level of seriousness doesn't depend on the label that comes with it (unless one of you make it clear that it's just a booty call thing). it depends on how you are with each other; how often you see each other, do you have a set schedule? does he reserve his weekends for you? etc.. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 i would just leave it. i've never really asked the question cus i never felt like you needed to. the relationship's level of seriousness doesn't depend on the label that comes with it (unless one of you make it clear that it's just a booty call thing). it depends on how you are with each other; how often you see each other, do you have a set schedule? does he reserve his weekends for you? etc.. Well, honestly we havent reserved a set schedule yet. He is very reserved so I kind of had to initiate us spending more time together. He doesn’t have his place, so we will be spending more time with each other at mine. I just feel that if you are talking nonstop to someone then its not a booty call or fling or fwb whatever you want to call it. I am pretty sure that he knows how I feel about him, because of my wanting to spend more time with him, things I say, etc. But since he hasn’t run away that is a good sign. The last guy I asked said " I am not looking for a realtionship like that" and he didn’t say that Link to comment
lostandmisrabl Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I'm going to go ahead and disagree with a few people here but not to be difficult. I am a guy and actually I'm the one that incited this in my last relationship because she was really great and I wanted to know her loyalty to me at the time. I didn't want her "dating around" so I had to be clear. I know this is rare for a guy...but I went with it and I was glad I did. Link to comment
roctown Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I have been seeing this guy for a month (we talked a month before we met, so talking a total of 2 months). We talk alllll the time, and are going to start seeing more of each other too. Well, I know at some point we are going to have to have the conversation on if he wants a relationship with me or what he wants. I just dont want to put too much pressure right now, and I know its a fair question, but given that we just talked about seeing each other more, it seems too fast. What is everyone's take on this? I would like to give him the opportunity to bring it up first. He is very reserved and it takes some time to get him to open up, but I would like to see if he does. Before worrying about his perceptions about you asking that question, I think you need to evaluate whether you're moving too fast. I would reverse the situation; have some fun with him and tell yourself that you're going to evaluate him and see if he's boyfriend material. If you haven't hung out much, you should probably be at this stage anyways. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 If you are not sure when, don't do it til you are. I think you'll just know. I recently did it after 3 dates but I knew what i wanted, and she was pretty clear too. So there was no real 'risk' in saying out loud what was apparent anyway. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 I hope i did the right thing. we agreed to get to know each other and see what happens. is that such a bad thing? i dont know, i just thought it might be a bad idea to jump into it so fast. was i wrong to give that answer? we were both hurt and i thought we should have fun for a while and ease into it.we are not seeing others, but we just both have our independence right now. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 I hope i did the right thing. we agreed to get to know each other and see what happens. is that such a bad thing? i dont know, i just thought it might be a bad idea to jump into it so fast. was i wrong to give that answer? we were both hurt and i thought we should have fun for a while and ease into it.we are not seeing others, but we just both have our independence right now. I think you've done the right thing here...take your time when you meet someone new, get to know eachother, see if you click. Smart way to go Link to comment
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