timetogrow Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I always hear people around me break up with their girlfriends because of the fear of commitment in marriage. So what are the things that you are afraid of in commitment? thank you. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I never believed in the "commitment phobia" line people give to be honest with you. I think if someone has a fear of commitment then they aren't with the right person. IDK..maybe that's not the case with everyone but that' just how I feel about it. I hear way too many stories, where one or the other person claimed to be a commitment phobe then broke up with their SO but ended up marrying someone else soon after! Link to comment
mca1975 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I disagree with above, as I had a huge fear of commitment with my current boyfriend at first. I was scared of love and scared of being happy after being hurt so badly over the last 5 years or so. But now, five months into it I am totally committed to him, feel blissfully happy and feel I could move in with him, which is also what he wants, but we have decided not to do that just yet. So I don't think that its always true that it means they are not right for you, some people may use it as an excuse though I'm sure. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Well I was under the impression we were talking about long term relationships & then someone having a fear of marriage. That's why I answered the way I did. lol If you are with someone for a few yrs then all the sudden you have a fear of commitment/marriage I think its a different story when you first start dating that person & having fear. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Oh right I see, sorry! Yeh it's different. I think if you are committed then marriage shouldn't really scare you BUT having said that, marriage has a lot to answer for these days. I mean I believe in marriage and everything, but then again I'm not too sure, its a major thing plus heard too many stories about break-ups and marriage ruining relationships, I think it puts a lot of pressure on the two of you, so I can understand someone being committed to someone but also being afraid of marriage at the same time. Link to comment
Jonboy582 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Well it could be what Ac143 said but also I do think people are scared of commitment. It's only natural it signifies a huge changing point in their life. Their whole way of life might be about to change. Moving in with someone, having children, marriage etc. Many people are afraid of any type of change. But they may also be afraid that thats it, you can no longer play the field or do things you could have done when single. These are silly worries though as they most likely could not have done these things when they were just dating anyway. But its more putting a emphasis on it. Link to comment
ratfreak Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I think "fear of commitment" is just as much bs as "I'm not ready to be in a relationship." It's an excuse. You either want to be with someone or you don't and these two are the "I don't want to be with you" lines. Sadly, we get these after years of being with someone. If they didn't want to be with us, why didn't they just say so early in the dating... Link to comment
Jonboy582 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I think "fear of commitment" is just as much bs as "I'm not ready to be in a relationship." It's an excuse. You either want to be with someone or you don't and these two are the "I don't want to be with you" lines. Sadly, we get these after years of being with someone. If they didn't want to be with us, why didn't they just say so early in the dating... By the sounds of it someone has recently said it to you. Or you have had it in the past. I respectfully disagree though, some people are scared to commit because they have been hurt in the past or for the reasons I stated above. At first I was scared of commitment, I was scared I was not good enough for my gf, I was actually scared everything was perfect and she was my perfect girl. These feelings all surfaced when she gave me a key to her house. All this shocked me, but I have got over it and didn't run. Now I can see this relationship going to any level and I would love it to. Link to comment
atelis Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I hear way too many stories, where one or the other person claimed to be a commitment phobe then broke up with their SO but ended up marrying someone else soon after! marrying someone doesn't mean you are committed to them. Commitment phobic people will tend to sabotage relationships until they get to the point that they fear being alone and remaining single. At that point, they will tend to marry the next person that comes along, only to find soon after, that their fears are once again triggered and the problems in the relationship begin. Fear of commitment is basically a fear of engulfment and abandonment. It is rebadged as fear of commitment in order to make it more easily read by the masses, but unfortunately, calling it fear of commitment has also led to a misunderstanding of the issues that sufferers actually face. It is very real, and it has nothing to do with cliche's like 'i'm not ready yet' or 'she's not the right one' Link to comment
Circe Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Fear of engulfment? Does that mean fear of asking for (or being asked for) too much emotional involvement or being subjected to too many emotional bonds? Link to comment
thejigsup Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 I'm a certified commitment-phobe. I do not want to get married, cohabit, or in any way have a man tie me down. I'm loyal to my bf, but that will never include anything but dating. Everyone I know that is married, except one person, is miserable. They have to explain any money they spend on themselves, ask permission to have dinner with me (female friends), have to report in to their spouse when they are out, etc.... You can keep it. Link to comment
atelis Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Fear of engulfment? Does that mean fear of asking for (or being asked for) too much emotional involvement or being subjected to too many emotional bonds? it basically means fear of someone getting too close.......when someone does get close, the person with engulfment fears feels suffocated or like they are losing themselves. i'm a fellow sydneysider Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Huh. I guess my ex fiance had fear of commitment...to anyone or anything! He left me after 7 years to "find himself" and thought I put too much pressure on him to spend time together even though I asked for next to nothing. Any tiny request was too much for him. Then again, it was also "too much for him to handle" to do his homework, attend class, edit: work PART time, even when he had no classes, call his friends, etc. Link to comment
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