Phunkytown Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Hey everyone, I've been seeing this woman just over 5 weeks now (she's 26, I'm 21). Due to my inexperience in dating, and the fact I really am into her, the one thing I still can't quite figure out is how often I should be calling her. She's a grad student, and basically has school work in some fashion almost every day of the week, and as such, I don't want to bother her, or come off as needy. We've been seeing each other 1-2 times a week, and I still can't figure it out. For example, I saw her last saturday, we went to the movies, then hung out at her house before she fell asleep. I took off and made a light hearted text the next morning (yesterday). I think some of the concern is over the fact I seem to be the one making most of the plans, and I feel like she should meet me a little more in the middle. Because of that, I haven't called/texted since. What does everyone think? Should I just wait it out, and see if she will resume contact? Break and call her tonight or tomorrow? Thanks.
mgirl Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Break and call her tonight or tomorrow? Yes, do that. Life is too short to play games. If she doesn't respond, well then it's her loss isn't it?! And, perhaps she would call you back at a later date if she's busy or undecided...
Sn0man Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Give it a couple of days. In the beginning, a few days space between dates is healthy. Gives everyone room to think and reflect. If you still haven't heard from her after a few days, try a text. If you're still not getting anything, my guess would be that she isn't as interested as you are and it's time to move on.
mgirl Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 If you still haven't heard from her after a few days, try a text. If you're gonna wait a few days, call, don't text.
Sn0man Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Women know women better than I do. mgirl says call, so call.
Boughs Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 For me, if someone doesn't contact me and I'm doing all the contacting after 2 weeks of seeing each other or whatever, I stop the chase. You should probably just call and keep it casual. like "just wanted to call and talk to you if you are not busy" Dunno, thats what I do
shikashika Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 There is no right or wrong answer... but it does seem like you have left it a little long if you didn't contact her since Saturday. The last thing you want to do is not call her pretending that you are oh so busy that you dont' have time for a 7.5 second text. Also, I would prefer a text. I hate gabbing on the phone. With a text you can make it short and sweet and you can say what you want, when you want and reply when you want. Also, you could as the question and get a thousand different answers...but what does that matter? it's what she likes and what you like. Games are soo annoying though, never ever ever try and play it cool by trying not to be clingy because then it will just get annoying( it would for me) I remember a guy like that once. I knew he was keen, we were dating, but he would 'pretend' he was busy or play it cool by not calling or texting for a few days. I just t got annoyed and broke it off.
Vince99 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 never ever ever try and play it cool by trying not to be clingy because then it will just get annoying( it would for me) this concerns me. it goes against everything i've been told in the last year. i'm really confused.
Keyman Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 There are no rules dude, but if you are seeing her 1 or 2 times a week, then call her at least once a week, but not more than 2. Unfortunately she is playing the society game, even if unintentionally. You have to keep up the chase through dates, calls and whatever contact until she is happy that you want her enough. Yes it all seems one sided, and it is, but if you don't someone else will...
shikashika Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 this concerns me. it goes against everything i've been told in the last year. i'm really confused. why is it confusing? Why is playing games ever good? if a guy does not call/text me that night or the next morning to say he was glad to have met me, then there is no point or he is not interested or he is someone I'm not interested in dating. NO ONE is so busy that htye can't send a 'hey, nice to have met you today. hope you have a good evening" or something like that. NO ONE is that busy. It takes less than 30 seconds. I just think it's pathetic if some guy has heard of some magic '3 day' rule where he has to make it seem like he has so much going on in his life or that he is relly busy doing other things and might not be interested it makes the girl want him more. If a guy acts like that I want nothing to do with him romantically. Like I said in an above example, I remember a guy once who would do that and it just annoyed me and turned me off him. why are you listening to what other people say or do? Are they dating the same girl as you are? do YOU think it's a good idea?
Phunkytown Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Some conflicting advice here. I'm pretty sure I will call tomorrow before noon sometime, before she has class. I don't want to play games, and she seems old to play them too.
shikashika Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 There are no rules dude, but if you are seeing her 1 or 2 times a week, then call her at least once a week, but not more than 2. Unfortunately she is playing the society game, even if unintentionally. You have to keep up the chase through dates, calls and whatever contact until she is happy that you want her enough. Yes it all seems one sided, and it is, but if you don't someone else will... he is playing games as well if he has a certain amount of times per week he should call her. No more than two? That's not very much. With so many methods of communication these days, there are so many ways to keep in touch. email facebook facebook chat messenger phone text etc etc etc it shouldn't really matter who calls who first. or sho is calling more. to me, the relationships is already headed for disaster if one keeps a spreadsheet. "I called on Monday so she should call on Wednesday.. check!"
mgirl Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I just think it's pathetic if some guy has heard of some magic '3 day' rule where he has to make it seem like he has so much going on in his life or that he is relly busy doing other things and might not be interested it makes the girl want him more. I agree that it's pathetic if he's pretending to be busy. But, if he really is, then it isn't that pathetic. And, also, sometimes it takes some people more time to make up their mind. No use in rushing in to things
Sn0man Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Some conflicting advice here. I'm pretty sure I will call tomorrow before noon sometime, before she has class. I don't want to play games, and she seems old to play them too. At 26, she's not too old to be playing games. I'll be 30 in less than a week and women at my age have their games so perfected you wouldn't even know they were playing them (unless, of course, you've been here as long as I have). Point being, she could well be playing a game. That's not necessarily a bad thing, games are healthy in a relationship - to a point. If you think you should keep on being the initiator, then call her tomorrow. If you want her to put some effort in, don't call her tomorrow. If you want to play her game, call her tomorrow. If you don't, don't. Etc. etc. and so on and so forth. You have to know your woman. What do you think you should do?
shikashika Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I agree that it's pathetic if he's pretending to be busy. But, if he really is, then it isn't that pathetic. And, also, sometimes it takes some people more time to make up their mind. No use in rushing in to things No one is that busy. Everyone has 30 seconds to send a text message. Too busy to meet up? Yes. Too busy to text or call? No.
Sn0man Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 No one is that busy. Everyone has 30 seconds to send a text message. Too busy to meet up? Yes. Too busy to text or call? No. Just because you can doesn't necessarily mean you should. Space is a required element. And, as you say, with all the methods of communication these days people are often overwhelmed with too much of it.
Phunkytown Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 I ended up calling, we talked for 20 minutes and now I feel relieved. Thanks everyone.
shikashika Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Just because you can doesn't necessarily mean you should. Space is a required element. And, as you say, with all the methods of communication these days people are often overwhelmed with too much of it. some space yes...but not pretending to have so much on that you don't have time for a person. A text is hardley intrusive.
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