Jump to content

Clingy, insecure to independent?


Recommended Posts

Has anyone gone from clingy and insecure to independent whilst in a relationship? Or has it required no contact?


I'm not talking about like your SO couldn't take it anymore and cut you off, but they were supportive of you and found some self esteem witout having to break up?

Link to comment

I was never clingy, but I was insecure. Am I not insecure now? I can't answer that as a "no". I am much more independent now, for sure. I have a car. I have hobbies. But none of this happened when I was in touch with a man by phone. (It was some serious long distance) I got sucked into it, deeper n deeper, almost like some kinda drug addiction. One day it was all over, felt like living hell, but now I'm back on my feet. Currently not fighting myself to get into any relationship. working hard at school, trying to get a degree. It required cold turkey no contact for me. I'm not the kinda person that can forget a man, stay detached while talking with them, talking about them. I had to stop talking to him, deleted all his emails, gave away all the gifts that he sent, blocked all his email IDs, stopped answering phones. I need distance n time both to get clarity n move on.

Link to comment

there is hope!

link removed!! lol I'm recommending Al Turtle left and right, he saved my relationship big time (I got to Al Turtle via a link on ENA actually, can't find the exact post, but thank you to whoever posted it). especially that page, I'd say. it's about clingers/avoiders. basically, as clingers (me included!), we have to do the changing, the fixing.


I used to be clingy... um... 3 days ago? and we almost broke up because we thought our needs were way too different. he was always stressed to see me since I was always sad that he didn't want to see me as much as I did him. vicious circle. then I read this site, saw things from his side more clearly, and am a changed person. he's started being so much nicer to me, and it's like going back to the first year of dating (we're closing in on 3 years now). he says he *really* enjoys being with me now, and I agree. I'm also much happier even without him!


good luck!

Link to comment

I've been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily clingy. I like to be with him a lot and I usually choose to be with him over friends and family. But it's not like I call him non-stop or check up on him 24/7. Deep down, though, I have serious insecurities. Like, I need to hear that he loves me, I need him to hug me and kiss me, etc etc.


Well, the past few months, he and I have been doing a long-distance thing until I finish my internship. The first month was INCREDIBLY hard. For me, at least. I would call him everyday, if he was out and having fun I would convince myself that he didn't need me.


While I'm not completely cured of this insecurity, I find myself caring less about what he's doing and whether or not he says "I love you" on the phone. I think it's because this internship and living by myself have made me not only more independent, but able to recognize my strengths without him. In other words, him saying "I love you" has no longer become the ONLY thing that makes me feel good about myself.


So, I don't think you necessarily need to break up to become a more independent person. What you DO need to do is find something that will allow you to feel good about yourself without your significant other. If you find yourself relying on his/her approval for your own self-approval, your relationship is doomed from the start.

Link to comment

My girlfriend is very clingy and yes very insecure also...we've been together for 14 months and I just thought that she would grow out of it. It hasn't changed much and I have told her that is has become too much but nothing has really changed. I wish it would but it hasn't. I'm not sure if I can stay with her much longer, I have a lot of other things going on right now and the extra stress from her insecurties and clingy-ness are not needed

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...