heartbroken9 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 My ex and I have been talking again since Jan. He would always ask me to hang out and go to lunch. We saw eachother at least twice a week..but these past two weeks he has canceled on me 2 days in a row. Once he said he had to work late and forgot..we made plans to hang out the next day and he canceled on me again bc he was out with his friends and didnt get home til late. He was so rude and inconsiderate about it..he would always cancel on me last minute too. (Both these times he was the one who asked me to hang out). I gave him the benefit of a doubt and didnt get mad at him. So I ask him to lunch the next week and he comepletely ignored my text. So the next morning I ask if he was mad at me or if he just didnt wanna talk to me an ymore. He sent me the rudest text EVER and said that he spends more time with me than with his guy friends and that we're not dating and I needed to stop acting like a jealous gf......I WAS SO MAD!..I wasnt jealous and i didnt want him to not han gout with his friends...and who said anything about being his GF?..I just wannted some respect. and if he was gonna make plans with me he should make sure he is able to keep them. I feel like he makes plans with me and when something better comes along he ditches me!! ANYWAYSSSSS my point is im hurt by his actions and it makes me sad that he doesnt care about me enough to treat me better..it makes me sad that he's over me and is over the break up and im still trying to my my heart back together =( Im starting NC again and its been about 4 days..I just wanna be happy again. Link to comment
ratfreak Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I don't think it matters who broke up with whom. It's about respecting the other person, their time and feelings. If he doesn't want to spend time with you, he shouldn't bother making plans with you. Keep the NC and forget about him. Link to comment
ScorpiGal83 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 This guy sounds like a confused a-hole. Just stop contacting him and DON'T reply to any of his texts! Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Yeah...it seems like some ex's reactions are way out of proportion. Less than a week before we broke up, my ex went to a weekend conference. He and I were used to talking everyday so I asked him to give me a call when he had a chance. He didn't call at all and then when he got back, he raised a fuss about how much pressure it is to keep up with my demands! Demands?! The thing about this was that I didn't nag him AT ALL. I simply told him what I wanted. He could have said something if he thought it was too hard to call then but it was like he got all super defensive and RUDE. It was completely irrational based on how I simply said I wanted to know how the conference was going. It almost makes me think he was hiding something. After 7 years, that just seemed so inappropriate! It seems like he's built up this image of me as his "nagging parent." I'm like the most tolerant girlfriend I know and he acted like my wants and needs were not reasonable. I didn't raise a fuss when he slept in the same hotel room as his co-worker, told her he wanted to have sex with her, texted her all the time in front of me, etc. etc. I let him have space to see his friends and brothers, play videogames, do his homework, etc. etc. I was totally cool. But he kept giving me the shaft, complaining that I was too demanding...I saw him less than a couple hours a week and he considered it "demanding?" Yet he always spent hours on Friday nights playing World of Warcraft with his guy friends. I could never see him Friday nights for that reason. But I allowed it because I didn't want to "nag." What is WITH some people? It's like you ask for basic respect and they react like you asking for a tiny little crumb is too much. I guess they're just super selfish or resentful about other things in their lives and take them out on us! Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 What I'm wondering is how can YOU love someone who treats you like crap?! That's my question to myself and to all. My ex has been doing the same thing to me! Why? What for? I feel like he makes plans with me and when something better comes along he ditches me!! That's our answer! They might also be afraid that we'll start thinking we love them and stuff - but then be a man of your word - you took the challenge of talking again - take the risk, don't be an ego-boost-seeking coward! Link to comment
ratfreak Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 right on WomanWrite and Elsewhere. I spent years with a guy who would invite me over and then ignore me while he played his computer games and chatted/flirted with a classmate on the phone right infront of me. He also used to dutch me when his friends had "better" plans. I can't believe how long it took me to walk away from the bastard. Link to comment
NightLily Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Honestly, besides the text message this doesn't sound all that bad to me. I would sort of expect some awkward interaction with an ex if the relationship went sour. Sort of comes with the territory. If he doesn't want to be around you don't chase him down. It is good that you are taking some space for yourself right now. Link to comment
InRecovery Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Seems part of the power/ struggle that goes on. I came to expect this type of behaviour from my ex. She'd ask me to call or say she'd call at a certain time, but then not do it and come up with some crappy excuse as to why she didn't even bother getting in touch. Its just a kind of showing that I'm not there for you anymore. That they can't be relied on. As much as they cared about you, behaviour like this shows that they care about themselves a lot more and won't be acting in your best interests if it conflicts with theres. Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 Sn0man: He broke up with me. He went out one night and kissed some girl and we broke up the next day. Elsewhere: I ask myself that all the time. I dont know how I can care for someone who can treat me this way, but I just do. THanks for all the replies. I appreciate them all. I am trying to forget but he's ALWAYS on my mind..its annoying..i just wanna stop thinking about him. Im trying to keep as busy as I can but its still hard. He's my first real boyfriend my "first love" if you wanna call it that but maybe thats why its so hard. People keep telling me that you never get over your first and i hope hope HOPE thats not true bc I do wanna get over him. Is true that getting over your first is the hardest? =( Link to comment
NightLily Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 For me is was by far the hardest. It was also my messiest break up though. Hang in there. Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 SO after 14 days NC i go and look at his stupid facebook and 3 new girls are on it. I feel like crap and all I wanna do is cry..It sucks that he moved on so quickly and im still here heart broken and sad.. =( Link to comment
viajera Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Sn0man: I am trying to forget but he's ALWAYS on my mind..its annoying..i just wanna stop thinking about him. ..... Is true that getting over your first is the hardest? =( Heartbroken9, it's always hard to break off contact, but the only way you're going to stop thinking about him is if you stop talking to him and seeing him. As long as he's in your life he's going to be in your thoughts. My first was hard to get over, because I didn't know how to go about it. But for me, my 3th and longest relationship was the hardest to get over, because it was the most significant in my life. Hang in there. Life will get better, I promise! Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 getting over anyone you love is hard.. it doesnt get any easier.. Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 I have this crazy urge to look at his webpage again! but I WONT I WONT I WONT! I get this crazy wave of anxiety that comes over me and makes me want to go on and see waht he's up to but im so scared of what might see.. I cant believe its almost been a month and he hasnt even tried to contact me.. I hate how I still think about him everyday. I hate how he let me go so easily. I hate how he fed me a bunch of lies in the past and said he would never hurt me. I hate how I mean absolutely nothing to him now and I still care about him. I hate how he's not in my life anymore. I hate EVERYTHING! =( Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 So I FINALLY decided to delete my facebook account bc i couldnt control myself and kept looking at his page. Hopefully this will help. Im still in NC and havent talked to him. I dont know if I am feeling any better but I do know that Im starting to really hate him. Sometimes I wish he would contact me and times like today..Im happy he hasnt and I never ever want to talk to him again.. Link to comment
rigguy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 So I FINALLY decided to delete my facebook account bc i couldnt control myself and kept looking at his page. Hopefully this will help. Im still in NC and havent talked to him. I dont know if I am feeling any better but I do know that Im starting to really hate him. Sometimes I wish he would contact me and times like today..Im happy he hasnt and I never ever want to talk to him again.. You don't need to delete your account, block or defriend. Come on, you don't need to change your life for anyone. You might want to look some of your other friends up in the future. You definitely need to kick this habit, damn hard I know. Good luck!!! Link to comment
savignon Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 So I FINALLY decided to delete my facebook account bc i couldnt control myself and kept looking at his page. You deleted YOUR page and stopped using FB alltogether because of HIM?? Why not just block him?? It's a shame that you punish yourself instead of trying to find healthier ways to let go of him. Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 If he was the (real) reason for setting up that FB account, she was right to completely delete it. Its like having to achieve better eating habits. Saying to someone to just leave the rest of the cookies, is not always going to help. Many times you have to make a drastic choice to throw all your bad stuff away and leave the cabinet empty with stuff that can seduce you into that bad behaviour. When you have regained control over your feelings and mind, you can decide if FB or myspace is still a place you feel has added value in your life. and about your first question: "How can someone you care about treat you like crap! " Sometimes in our life's journey we choose people to fall in love with that will just not love us back the same way. Its all about learning how to overcome the hurt of that and learn how to discover who is truly worthy of sharing our hearts with. Not all of us will get it right the first time. So learn from this and pray that next time you will see much clearer. You will get it right at some point... I guess we will just have to accept these unfortunate instances of life..learn to get stronger from them. Link to comment
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