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I just realized something about myself and my stupid self-esteem issues...


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I just got off the phone with my boyfriend of one year. We're doing a kind of long-distance thing for a couple months while I finish my internship. Anyway, at the end of the phone call I said, "I love you." Well, he either didn't hear me or was in a rush to get to class cause he didn't respond and he just said "Bye."


So what do I do? I dwell. I hang up the phone and stare at it for a good two minutes before my throat starts constricting and tears start welling in my eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, I have successfully convinced myself that my boyfriend does not love me. Yaaaay!


Anyway, after shedding a few tears, I began to feel incredibly stupid (which is usually the case after incidents like this). I did a lot of thinking about myself and who I am and how I appear to him and to other people. I'm a pretty good-looking girl, I've been incredibly successful in school and in my career (more successful than most people my age) and I'm smart to boot. So why don't I love myself? Why do I have such low self-esteem and insecurity?


This is when I realized that the only time I love myself is when other people say something nice about me, when they praise me in some way or another. It's terrible, but my self-approval comes from other people! Honestly, I can't think of a single time in recent memory where I looked in the mirror and said, "hey alice, you're a pretty sweet chick." The problem is, I don't believe it unless someone else says it...


Does anyone, anyone have this problem? And does anyone know how I can cure myself? How can I learn to love myself so that these insecure feelings won't hurt my relationship? They haven't so far because I've pushed them away (mostly because I know how detrimental they can be to a relationship and I need to learn to deal with them on my own). I have to kill them now before they get out of hand....

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Does anyone else have this problem? Lots of people, myself included.


I've been single for a year, haven't had sex in 5 months, and haven't connected with anyone in 2 months. I've also been unemployed for over 3 months now.


From what I gather, I'm a witty, smart, good looking guy and yet I wake up every day and wonder why.


The only advice I can give is to force yourself to find the good qualities about yourself, and explore them as best you can. Find out who you are and what makes you tick. Once you can understand what everyone else sees in you, you'll be able to see it in yourself.

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