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going out for the first time after breakup


sunnyv

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Has anybody ever tried to go out and just not had a good time at all? I went out this past weekend and all the girls out there did not seem attractive enough to me and all I could think about was my ex. Moving on is harder than I thought. I don't know how I will ever meet someone new again.

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Don't go out looking for girls, just go to have a good time with your mates. You'renot fully healed yet so now isn't the right time. When the right time comes, it will just happen and also when you least expect it.

 

It was weird going out for me, but I got used to it and had a good time after a little while and you will too

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I remember going out for the first time after the breakup of a 3 year relationship. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. I was still in a state of shock. I couldn't believe myself when I ended up making out with some guy on my way home. Disgusting.

 

If you feel that way, you definitely need more time before you start looking for other girls.

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dragon lady,

 

thats exactly how i felt this weekend. sick to my stomach. couldn't believe i am in this situation. i felt extremely lonely even though i was in the middle of the club with tons of people around me

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dragon lady,

 

thats exactly how i felt this weekend. sick to my stomach. couldn't believe i am in this situation. i felt extremely lonely even though i was in the middle of the club with tons of people around me

 

Yep, this is totally normal. You're not ready to start dating yet. You need to get over your ex first. How long has it been since you broke up?

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its been 5 months. we were together a year and a half but we have been best friends for 6 years total. so not only did i lose my girlfriend but my best friend as well. it just tears at my heart because i feel like i lost all my friends since most of "our" friends still hang out with her but none of them call me.

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its been 5 months. we were together a year and a half but we have been best friends for 6 years total. so not only did i lose my girlfriend but my best friend as well. it just tears at my heart because i feel like i lost all my friends since most of "our" friends still hang out with her but none of them call me.

 

I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is. Maybe it's best that you don't hang out with your mutual friends for a while? I find familiar situations like that can trigger a lot of negative emotions. It's best to have time apart from her and anything that reminds you of her until you're properly healed.

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yeah thats exactly what i have been doing. i have seperated myself from all our common friends. it really sucks because i feel like i spend a lot of time alone or with my family but i guess its the only thing i can do at the moment.

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Is it possible that you could hang out with your friends without her?

Have you tried giving them a call?

Maybe they just feel uncomfortable with the situation.

 

I'm sharing friends with my ex right now [broken up for a month and I refuse to leave my friends especially since he was the one who dumped me]. We just make arrangements to hang out but on diffrent days. It's like a custody/divorce. Not pretty but works so far...

 

 

As for dating others - it will take time. I went on a sort of date with a really nice guy on sunday and it was really refreshing but I told myself that no matter what, we are going to be friends because that is all I need right now. Anything more would just make me sick.

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thanks for the advice. the problem is that they were here friends before they were mine and i think they would feel uncomfortable hanging out with me without her around. dunno its just a guess but i'm pretty sure thats how they feel.

 

yes, the though of dating somebody else makes me just sick to my stomach right now.

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At least you can share friends not that Id want to seeing they were mine for 10 years before she blew in on my coat tails...startd hanging with them behind my back after the breakup.......Painted me black and they bought her story and blamed me for the demise of the relationship....Hello, she is the one with the personality disorder, the multiple marriages and the Panic/Anxiety disorder.... I had to dump all of my friends from that group...Sucks but in the end, they werent real friends anyways were they?

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I can't get to that point yet. I do go out to dinner with my girl friends but we just talk among ourselves, go hang out at a bookstore, movie...we aren't meeting guys (especially because my bff was recently married).

 

I've never been good at meeting people out of the blue. I need to see the same people over and over until we become friends. I don't know how to just go up to someone and talk to them. Do people do that? Where can you go besides clubs and bars (which I don't go to)? If I see someone cute in the bookstore, am I supposed to go try to get to know him?

 

I wish I knew how to meet people. My friend goes to dances sometimes. I went with her a couple times and met some nice people but no one I would want to get to know on a deeper level.

 

Also, I feel the same way as you, OP...the more I go out and see guys, the more I compare them to my ex. No one seems as attractive as he is. I look at his pics and he's just so...shiny...so perfect for me. He's like my ideal man physically. And his personality, though flawed at the end, was great for most of the 7 years. He was very laid back, humble, giving, loving, and easy to talk to. He and I could literally talk about everything. There was nothing he didn't know about me and he said he never was as close to anyone as me in his life, including his family. So how are you supposed to build something like that again from scratch? I can't imagine divulging all that info. again. Too much energy!

 

I don't like the whole dating game. What I loved so much about my ex was that I didn't feel like I had to put up a front. I could be myself. I didn't have to play games (although it sure seems like we're playing them now I wish I could find someone who I genuinely liked as a person, who genuinely liked me and wanted to know me, who was decent and kind and loving and wonderful...the way my ex was before he went through his weird crisis. I miss that about my ex. He was such a happy, optimistic, encouraging person. Then he became depressed and turned into a critical, rebellious, withdrawn person. Very, very sad...

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