Dumper - soo confused.

[sobelizard76]

I broke up with my boyfriend about 4 months ago. At this point I can't remember those angry feelings or "why" I did that - I know I did it for a reason though. He tried not contacting me but ended up contacting me anyways... he's still trying to get me back even though I told him not to waste his time. I still wanted to be friends and was fine with his decision to not be my friend since it hurt him, but he keeps coming back and trying to show me he's changed and being really nice and stuff - it's starting to confuse me because I'm starting to think of all the good stuff and forgetting what was bad (even though logically I know its still there). I feel like I made a commitment to be his friend so I can't just ignore him - that's the opposite of friendship...What do I do?? I'm so confused.

[Phillies25]

maybe he really has changed? maybe picking things up where you left off wouldnt be such a bad idea? why not give him a chance?

[gidget1]

This is what I am going through.

He dumped me though, and 3 weeks ago came crawling back and I believed he had changed a little, and was going to change.

Last night he proved he hadn't changed at all, and WILL NOT ever change. If he wants to change his ways it has to be for HIMSELF and not to win me back, keep me at arms length...

So I made an executive decision to leave him again - and never ever, ever give anyone six, seven, eight, nine chances ever again.

I feel stupid now for taking him back.

[fiona77]

Hi Sobelizard, I know exactly what you mean about beginning to forget the bad stuff, it is so easy to remember all of the nice things about someone and to forget the things that made you run for the hills in the first place. I think also, sometimes the worse the guy, especially a verbally/mentally abusive one can make it even harder because they can be the sweetest guys on the face of the earth because when they are sweet they are making up for all the crap they caused. Even Satan himself can be sweet when he needs to be. (It's so easy to say all this to someone else, but harder to accept for myself, why does it have to be that way?) I am a firm believer that people can change, but it isn't going to be over a matter of weeks or a couple of months. If he said "come and meet with me and my therapist so that you can see what I have been working on and how I am making an effort to change" then I would say sure, give it a shot, but if it's just "I'll do whatever it takes because I love you" don't buy it. Actions speak louder than words and it may be way too little way too late.

[ratfreak]

i agree with gidget1.

i did the same with with one of my exs and after the 6th time of "trying again" i didn't just walk away. i ran.

 

if it doesn't work the 1st or 2nd time, it will not work at all.

 

 

 

 

i know you said you commited to be his friend but it might be best to take some time off being friends so that you both can have your space and time.