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Success Story (Not what you think)

LW4E

By LW4E
in Getting Back Together

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LW4E

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It's been a pretty crazy, exciting and unpredictable eleven months for me.

 

I frequented the getting back together board a lot back in April/May/June of last year, hoping to find an answer to the question "How can I get her back?" I never found a solid answer, and I don't believe anybody has one, nor will they ever.

 

Now, the story, in April of last year, my girlfriend of nearly three years broke up with me. Instead of just a simple break up where she simply said "It's no longer working, and I want out" she told me all the reasons and more why this was my fault and my fault only, even going into things that had nothing to do with the relationship. At the time, I nodded my heard and bought it all, believing every word of it.

 

A few weeks later, I found out an internet friend of mine had been talking to her and putting things in her head about me (Bear in mind this guy is fourteen years my senior, and I have never met him for him to even be speaking of me in any context.) Anyway, the moment she broke up with me, she got together with him, and when I found this out, I was heartbroken, thinking about how someone I spent three years with could have an emotional affair and then move on less than 24 hours after the break up.

 

Though we remained friends (I was just hoping to get her back) we fought a lot for three months, some of the most intense fights I've ever been involved in as well.

 

We spent Canada Day together, I remember sitting on the roof of my house and watching the fireworks with her, we didn't fight that day, in fact, we got along perfectly. However, after that day, I made the decision to stop talking to her, for my own sanity, I sent her an E-Mail the morning of July second, simply saying that I think it would be best if we just stayed away from each other for a while. Two days later, she called me, sayign she was worried because she hadn't heard from me, turns out she hadn't recieved the E-Mail, so on the phone, I simply told her to check her E-Mail, and so she did. She replied basically agreeing with everything I said, and we didn't speak for three weeks.

 

After three of the funnest weeks of my life (no lie) I contacted her because she had been spouting about something "stupid" I did on an online forum, and I wanted to know exactly what it was. Of course, it was just her boyfriend once again putting things in her head about me and she decided to rant about something that wasn't even true. We cleared it up and she told me about everything. Before I went into NC, I knew she was with this guy, but she never admitted it to me, she denied it to the death, but after NC, she told me of her plans to go to England for Christmas to visit him, and it didn't really phase me.

 

After we got back in contact, we started talking and spending more time together. She would often do things like hung me from behind while we were walking, move in close to me while we were watching a movie, or even kiss me on the cheek/forehead from time to time, she once even referred to me as her boyfriend.

 

We spent the rest of the summer together, often staying up late together, just hanging out.

 

When summer came to an end, we got back into school where we shared one common class, thoughout the duration of that semester, we sat together and just had a really good time whenever we were in class together.

 

In October, we were invited to a Halloween party by a friend of ours, we attended, and while we were there, the way were were acting gave the people we had just met at the party the impression that we were a couple, and gave the people we already knew the impression that we were getting back together. She was sitting on my lap, dancing with me, she even leaned in on my shoulder and put my arm around her at one point. Although this whole time, I was just hopign to get my ex back, there was one girl at the party who I couldn't take my eyes off of, and after talkign to her, developed a little crush on. But it turns out she was meeting a guy that night (someone I knew) that she was looking to get together with as they had been talkign onthe internet for weeks (This part will be important later on.)

 

Throughout all of November, I spent every day and night with my ex, she would even frequently sleepover at my house. One day she even stayed in my house while I went to school (Can't remember why she didn't go.) Again, every day of that month I felt was just a good time.

 

when December came around, I had some planning to do, my birthday was coming up, and I was planning two parties, one for my close friends, and just a general party for mostly everyone I knew to attend. My ex wasing goign to attend the big party, because she'd be out of the country (going to visit her boyfriend.) So she helped me plan the smaller party, and even offered her house to have it in which was all good for me. We all had a really good time, and it's a night I'll never forget.

 

the week after my first B-Day party/get together. My ex was at my house, and she was sitting on the computer, she leaned back in my conputer chair and said to me "I don't know what's going on with me... but I've been extremely horny all day, and I don't know why." I just shrugged and said "Alright then." thinking she was just saying it to get a respinse of some sort. After a few minutes, she came and laid down in bed next to me and said "I have a serious question to ask you." so I told her to go on and she said "Do you think we could have sex, or do you just think we'd regret it later?" I looked at her like she was crazy and she just said to me "Don't worry, we're both single." I asked her what happened and she said "He broke up with me because he doesn't have the time for a relationship." Upon hearing that, I started giving serious thought to the matter. After about ten minutes, I decided "Yes" and the rest is obvious history.

 

A few days later, she left for England, she still had to go, and had family to stay with, even if the reason she was going in the first place broke up with her.

 

While she was in England, we kept in touch.

 

However, back in Canada, I was still having a good time, with or without her. I went to a New Year's party a town over, drank a little too much and got a little too sick... needless to say, it was jsut a minor setback to what was a truly amazing night. After that new years party, I became much closer friends with a few people who attended, including the girl I liked from the halloween party (who, by this time was in a relationship.)

 

My ex was supposed to come back from her trip on January first, but she didn't, which led to some confusion as to just where she was. I talked to her father (who I was babysitting for) and he told me that she had gone to visit her boyfriend, and said that she missed the train to the airport and missed her flight. That put a lot of questions in my head, I thought she was broken up with him. My friend managed to talk to her on msn, and she did indeed confirm that she was with this guy and didn't know when she was coming home. Still, questions, questions, questions.

 

I talked to a mutual friend of ours (my ex's best friend) and she had no idea that my ex had been broken up with. In fact, this girl told me that my ex's boyfriend said he needed some time to pay more attention to his personal life because his mom was in the hospital and that he simply needed a break to focus more of his attention to his family. So now I knew, she was never broken up with... she cheated on her boyfriend with me, the person she cheated on in the first place. At that moment, I knew that my ex never changed, and she never would... I also vowed never to speak to her again (unless of course I needed my belongings from her house and vice versa.)

 

I moved on to the best of my ability, I was a bit hurt that I was lied to... again, but I took solace in the fact that this time around, I wasn't the one being cheated on.

 

anyway, I started hanging out with my newfound circle of friends a lot, and even got a lot of time to talk to that girl. By this time, I didn't really have a crush on her anymore, she was just a friend, like everyone else. However, after talking to her a lot, I started redeveloping a crush on her. It wasn't until after I had started crushing on her again when she started telling me how horrible her current relationship was, and how she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, but simply didn't have the heart to. At first I was hesitant to believe anything, even though she explained to me how her boyfriend always wanted sex and nothing but sex and would always to innappropriate things in public. I didn't notice right away but after a while, I started seeing it. He would grab her chest, smack her butt, talk dirty in pulic, I even saw first hand when he lifted up her shirt at a bus stop... she slapped him accross the face.

 

I really felt bad for her, and not just because I liked her, I would've felt bad for anybody in her situation. All of our mutual friends were telling her to break up with her boyfriend. Had I not had a crush on her, I'd have said the same thing, but it's not like me to tell someone to dump their boyfriend knowing full well that I have a crush on them... doesn't look good on me, so I often remained indifferent and at times even told her to try talking to him, like... having a REAL talk with him, which she tried, but didn't succeed at all with.

 

One night, she came over to my hosue with her boyfriend, and we had made plans to go out of town to visit a friend (the same frind who threw the amazing new year's party.) So, I was excited, and she was excited, but her boyfriend didn't want to go and was sending her on a guilt trip about going to visit her friend, sayign she should be spending time with him, even though prior to coming to my house, she had spent the whole morning and afternoon at the mall with him.

 

Her and I ended up going to our friend's house, and her boyfriend left in a huff, it was a very awkward moment. When we got to our friend's, we had a lolling good time, played katamari, drank a bit, and went to Denny's at 1:00 AM. When we got back from Denny's, we decided to stay the night there, and we all went to bed. As we were laying down, she immediately fell into my arms and laid down with me. I couldn't sleep, and about fiveh ours later, she woke up, we talked a bit andj ust laid there in each other's arms while our friend slept next to us (lol yeah, we all shared the futon.) For about an hour, there would be random bits of awkward silence between us where we'd just stare at one another. Eventually, during one of those randomly silent moments, I leanded in and kissed her, I don't know why, and I don't even think I was thinking when I did it, I just did it. Once I kissed her, she started crying and said "I guess I don't have a choice now."

 

Later that day she broke up with him.

 

I couldn't help but to have a bit of a guilty conscious over this. She did not remain friends with her ex, I however am still an acquaintence of his, as I always was.

 

Almost two months after all this happened, I am happier now than I ever was before. I have a new girlfriend, she's truling something else, truly unique, just like me, she's someone I'm able to talk to, someone I'm able to joke with, but most importantly, someone I can simply be myself with... and I feel as if I'm the happiest guy in the world with her.

 

Now, I posted this here in the getting back together section, simply because I was on here so much in the past trying to find the answers, tryign to get back together with my ex who not only cheated on me twice, but alienated me from my internet friends, and tried to alienate me from my real friends. I wanted her back so bad because I felt as though I would never find anybody ever again, and if I did, I wouldn't feel for them the same way I felt for my ex.

 

I eventually found the answer I was looking for, and it was not reconcillation, it was moving on and findtime someone new, taking everything I learned from my past relationship to make this one something special.

 

I'm not posting this to tell everyone to just forget about their exes and find someone new like I did. I'm posting this to tell you that what you're looking for may not be the answer. Let go, and move on, if your ex comes back and you reconcile congratulations, if not, there's probably somebody out there who could make you much happier than you ever were before.

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LW4E Enthusiast

LW4E

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Nice post It has nothing to do with your post but I need your opinion on something,I want to know how a guy sees it.If a guy loves his ex he will be happy to be around her even if there is no sex going on right?

 

 

Hmm, I still loved my ex, and hung out with her a lot and wasn't getting any sex out of it, she had a boyfriend which at times, hurt. However, I believe I was given the illusion of happiness when spending time with her because I believed in my mind that I was on a path to getting her back which, at the time was the only thing I wanted.

 

It turns out spending tiem with her after our breakup only did me harm, just tonight my current girlfriend told me that the night she met me, the guy she was meeting at the party was acting like a jerk to her. She told me that she thought I was really cool and would've gone after me had she not thought I was still with my ex. So you can see it did me more harm than good. the most I got from her during this post-break-up friendship was the eventual sex I got which, in hindsight was far from worth eight months of friendship with someone who really didn't care for anyone but herself.

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