madhaquer Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I met this girl in Nov 08 and we started of on a relationship. At the very beginning we agreed to give it upto March to see if it works. Unfortunately, she got pregnant that first month of our relationship. being the gentleman i believe I am, I told her to make her decision and I would support her. She decided to keep the baby. She was jobless but she got a job almost immediately. Later in Feb, she moved in with me to reduce her expenses and also to prepare to get the baby. Unfortunately she seems to find living with me difficult and I am beginning to find her unbearable. She complains of all sorts of things, serious or petty. She hates my friends and now demands I don't see them, she wants me home early but I can't stand her complaining and B1t Besides I feel trapped and betrayed as now I am under pressure to marry someone who I barely know and all because she wanted to have a baby. Can someone advice on what I should do ? Link to comment
Ac143 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Hmmm this is what happens when people dont use protection, but Im not going to lecture you. Do you know if she is this way because of her hormones due to the pregnancy? Does she want a relationship with you? Or are both of you equally frustrated with eachother? You aren't trapped, does she have family she can move in with? At least take the time apart so you two can clear your head? As noble as it might be, dont marry just because she got pregnant. If the relationship does work, it wont work once you get married. You two can have a friendship & still be good parents to this child. Link to comment
Stereohead Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Honestly, you don’t have to marry her. It’ll just make the situation far more worse then it already is. You don’t even have to live together. All your real responsible lies is paying child support and raising your child the best you can. Don’t marry someone because of a child. Never let that happen. My sister Kathy and her ex husband were “pressured” into marriage because he got her pregnant… He ended up becoming Abusive and very drug oriented which wasn’t what we wanted for my sister and niece…My sister finally got the courage built up to leave him… but neither of you are going to be happy in this situation. I could also list other examples… but pressurized marriage and “too soons” never turn out well. It was her choice to keep the baby. She has to face those responsibilities. She has NO right to pressure you into anything you aren’t ready for… It’ll make things worse in an already dim situation. She can’t control you life, and it isn’t your fault that she doesn’t like your friends, but she has no right to try and keep you from them. You are taking responsibility in the fact you got her pregnant by supporting her choice and her… but you deserve better then how she’s treating you… I’d ask her to move back in with her family and you’ll be there for her as a friend, and as a father (separated) for the child when it’s born. Don’t marry this women unless it’s what you really want to do… you’ll already going to be a father, don’t make matters worse for yourself by marrying a women you don’t know nor love… Link to comment
madhaquer Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 Thanks for the replies. Just to answer AC143's question, she says she loves me and wants to have a relationship and possibly the hormones might be a reason for her behavior, though I think it might be the reality check of knowing she might have to live with someone who she considers to have major faults. The pressure is from all over, her parents have taken a step back and just want us to tell them our plans. My mum on the other hand wants me to marry her and has put me under so much pressure including asking her to ensure I make the decision. I am feeling isolated, cornered and betrayed, because we had agreed with her that marriage would not come into the picture soon. But she has now joined my mum in pushing me around. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Thanks for the replies. Just to answer AC143's question, she says she loves me and wants to have a relationship and possibly the hormones might be a reason for her behavior, though I think it might be the reality check of knowing she might have to live with someone who she considers to have major faults. The pressure is from all over, her parents have taken a step back and just want us to tell them our plans. My mum on the other hand wants me to marry her and has put me under so much pressure including asking her to ensure I make the decision. I am feeling isolated, cornered and betrayed, because we had agreed with her that marriage would not come into the picture soon. But she has now joined my mum in pushing me around. Do not let EITHER of them push you around! This is a 50/50 decision. OK so it's her body and she has decided to keep the baby. And you have been a gentleman about the whole thing. But you do NOT have to live with her/them (as stated in other posts) or marry her. Your first responsibility is to your child. He/she will need an emotionally stable parent (Dad) from the beginning and that will not happen if you are being emotionally blackmailed into roles you do not want and cannot handle. Allow yourself to be more independent and assert your needs with you mum and your ex-/partner. What do you need in order to be the best Dad you think you can be? Link to comment
Ac143 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Do NOT marry this girl just because your mom or her parents want you to. Marriage is not something you should take lightly. And certainly you shouldn't marry someone you dont even get along with. This is your life, YOU make the decision - think of the baby. Im sure living with someone you cant get along with wont do anything good for this kid! Too many people stay together for "the kids" when the kids would be better off if the parents weren't together. You will need to take care of this baby, but that doesn't mean you have to be married to be a good dad. You guys got into something too serious too fast, you might have to start from the very beginning to make this work, if you want to make it work. Have her move in with her parents, start dating, seeing eachother for doctors appts etc & when the baby comes into the world - take it from there? But please please do not get married just because people are pressuring you! Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 This says it all, please listen Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 "Besides I feel trapped and betrayed as now I am under pressure to marry someone who I barely know and all because she wanted to have a baby." You aren't trapped, you don't have to marry her, but you do have to support this baby. Remember that you also made a choice to have sex with this person that "you barely know", so you can't put all the blame on her by saying "she wanted to have a baby. If you're responsible enough to be having sex, you have to be responsible enough to know what the consequences can be. Link to comment
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