Elsewhere Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I thought because they have social problems and/or are desperate. But I now see a lot of you here on ENA saying you met your SO this way and that changes my opinion - I know my close friends who are beautiful and do attract attention also tried online dating -and successfully! So I decided to break free from my old fashioned opinion and register, but then as I browsed my mindset was still thinking: "if they are here, what is wrong with them? either something must be wrong with them or they are looking for an encounter". If you guys tell me your reasons maybe it will help me understand Link to comment
flash83 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I thought because they have social problems and/or are desperate. But I now see a lot of you here on ENA saying you met your SO this way and that changes my opinion - I know my close friends who are beautiful and do attract attention also tried online dating -and successfully! So I decided to break free from my old fashioned opinion and register, but then as I browsed my mindset was still thinking: "if they are here, what is wrong with them? either something must be wrong with them or they are looking for an encounter". If you guys tell me your reasons maybe it will help me understand to me an online dating site is just a way to meet new people. its no different than me going to a book store, or a coffee shop and approaching people. i won't lie that there are some people on dating sites who are either: desperate, crazy, or have bad intentions.. but you get the same in real life too. Link to comment
Robert013 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am sick of looking in bars and basically where I live there isn't much else going on. It helps me search outside of the bar. It also allows me to expand my search area without having to venture out there. I have found that it is also very easy to break the ice because you basically know up front what the other people are looking for from there profile. It also makes getting rejected much easier. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 convience.. easier to pick thru more people, without actually coming in contact... Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I see it as a bar without the bar. It's a place where people go to see if they can meet someone. There are more likely to be people looking for something serious online though. I think those people are tired of the results they are getting in the outside world and figure they've got nothing to lose by trying online. Also some are there just out of desperation or lonlieness but I wouldn't think it's the majority. Link to comment
hers Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I work alone, am not in school, and have friends who don't live too close to me. It's hard to meet people out and about--people approaching you in bookstores or coffee shops just doesn't happen like it does on TV, at least not to me. It's just another place to meet people. Expands your options. Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 Thanx everyone it makes sense to me already! And I must say a lot of reasons you named are also my reasons! Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I use to have somewhat of the same opinion. But here is an interesting statistic 1 out of 8 new marriages in the US was the result of a dating site. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I use to have somewhat of the same opinion. But here is an interesting statistic 1 out of 8 new marriages in the US was the result of a dating site. and 50% of that end in a divorce... Booo sorry for being so negative...](*,) Link to comment
flash83 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 after experiencing how good online dating can be i always recommend it to my friends. to be honest most people i meet tell me how it was their friend's success that brought them there... Link to comment
Thorne Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 because women can receive dozens of messages per day and have hundreds of men to choose from... however most men receive next to no online attention Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 I use to have somewhat of the same opinion. But here is an interesting statistic 1 out of 8 new marriages in the US was the result of a dating site. OMG that is encouraging! Link to comment
jennamajig Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 because women can receive dozens of messages per day and have hundreds of men to choose from... however most men receive next to no online attention Not true! I did the online thing (taking a break from it all now) and I never got dozens of messages per day. And most of the messages I did get were creepy and from men old enough to be my dad. I don't know...online and I seem to stall. I'm taking a break because I tried too soon to date after a LTR break-up, but when I tried eharmony, I was frustrated by their matches (and their price tag - but there are codes out there; you never have to pay full price). Yet I did a show with a gal that met her husband on link removed. Go figure. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I thought because they have social problems and/or are desperate. But I now see a lot of you here on ENA saying you met your SO this way and that changes my opinion - I know my close friends who are beautiful and do attract attention also tried online dating -and successfully! So I decided to break free from my old fashioned opinion and register, but then as I browsed my mindset was still thinking: "if they are here, what is wrong with them? either something must be wrong with them or they are looking for an encounter". If you guys tell me your reasons maybe it will help me understand Today there are a lot of people using online dating because they are far too busy to spend lots of time in singles bars or meet up places. People are working three and four jobs all rolled up into one in their careers because of downsizing, etc and that means late nights and weekends for many. There is not a lot of time for busy people to have the luxury of spending an inordinate amount of time hitting up the singles bars or singles events. I think smart people use this as an extra resource. It doesn't have to be the ONLY resource but just another to put them in the path of single people. The stigma of it has all but disappeared and those who put a stigma on it the most are those who have been married their entire lives and they might not have a very clear view of reality for today's singles. IMO what better way than to be able to limit your search of people who you know are definitely single and you can choose the location, their age, religious preference, smoking and drinking habits or lack of, etc. I am of the mindset where I am more curious about the people who are frustrated being single who DON"T employ this as one of their resources then wondering if those who do are socially inept. I have a friend who is a lawyer and another who is a doctor who are both extremely eligible bachelors who simply don't have time to try to meet up with women in singles establishments and for them with the women they know who try to 'set them up' there is often that worry of 'are they just trying to set their g/f's up with me because of my status and money?" With online you can choose to reveal your profession right off or keep it a bit more elusive in the beginning such as 'health care industry' if one is a doctor to try to weed out the gold diggers. People are using technology for everything from finding a job, ordering their groceries, buying their clothes, their car and yes, finding a date. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 because women can receive dozens of messages per day and have hundreds of men to choose from... however most men receive next to no online attention That is pretty ridiculous seeing how most of these women you speak of ARE actually dating. Obviously they are responding to men's ads and emails. They can't respond to them all but each women is looking for a guy who matches her needs. Those who don't match her needs won't get a response and what else is she supposed to do? Become a serial dater and date them all? I think not. Women have the advantage usually of more responses, but men have the advantage of being the pursuer of who they like the best. Women can pursue first too but most men get leary of the ones who reach out first thus it puts females at a disadvantage. I find that people who whine about this one advantage of women are just plain unrealistic in the area of dating. Both genders have their fair share of advantage and disadvantage. The plainest guy on the site can choose to email the most lovely and eligible of females and he might not get response. The plainest of females can choose to do the same and only select the hottest guys and she likely won't get many responses either. The more realistic both parties are in who they reach out to or respond to will yield the best response. Link to comment
villie Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Im not into the club or pup scene, or go out that much to meet people, so i signed up for online dating. Im usually very shy around new people, but online, you can be yourself so to speak, a bit of your personality comes through. I dont see it any different to meet someone from a dating site to meeting someone in a club. Apart from a phsycial first impression righti n front of you, you dont know them any better. People say that online dating is full of lies, people can lie etc, but they can lie even if you meet face to face. Unless they are look very shifty, you wouldn't really know. Link to comment
skydiver00 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am sick of looking in bars and basically where I live there isn't much else going on. It helps me search outside of the bar. It also allows me to expand my search area without having to venture out there. I have found that it is also very easy to break the ice because you basically know up front what the other people are looking for from there profile. It also makes getting rejected much easier. Pretty much x2 on everything and a definite on the bold...Im an upstater too and its an hr drive to do most things or go someplace...So not alot of new people interaction Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I thought because they have social problems and/or are desperate. But I now see a lot of you here on ENA saying you met your SO this way and that changes my opinion - I know my close friends who are beautiful and do attract attention also tried online dating -and successfully! So I decided to break free from my old fashioned opinion and register, but then as I browsed my mindset was still thinking: "if they are here, what is wrong with them? either something must be wrong with them or they are looking for an encounter". If you guys tell me your reasons maybe it will help me understand I have a question back to Elsewhere. What do you think of a site like this and about coming and asking questions about dating? Does posting about dating problems and asking questions to help improve your dating not have a similar stigma? I joined POF because I'm pretty shy and don't often go out to bars/clubs as I don't drink and find just sitting and talking in a bar pretty boring. I go to a lot of concerts but most of them have kids half my age in and everyone's too busy watching the band. Even when I go to a concert where the audience is older there's never anyone there that's cute. I'm very picky. I'm also busy and have 2 jobs and a non-profit hobby which takes a lot of my time (pretty much ALL my time actually). I don't think I would ever pay to join one of the paid sites, I can't imagine that they would have any guys that look any cuter than the ones on the free sites... even though I don't think the ones on the free sites are cute (no offence, guys! LOL). I don't think there's anything bad with registering for a site to see who's out there... because you never know who might pop up. Plus you don't even have to spend money or waste time getting ready (until you do actually arrange a date!). ANd it usually takes me a few hours to get ready when I go out! Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 In addition to what others have posted. Moving from a large city to a generica laden suburb will send you packing to the internet dating sites fast. The kind of women I want to date are generally not hanging out in chilis, olive garden or applebees, lol (nothing against those places generally, just saying). I don't have time to drive into the city every night and meet women, but I do have an hour a day or so to scan profiles, send emails and set dates on match. As others say, the net is just another tool in the box to meet people, but it sure cuts out lots of the hassle of the initial searching stages, which can be very expensive and time-consuming. Link to comment
ChristopherF Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Since the primary reasons have all (or at least mostly) been hit already, there is another reason. Cost vs. Benefit. It costs you maybe an hour to create a decent online dating profile. That profile can then be active 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, while you are free to go out and do other things. Even if you never initiate a single conversation, and never run a single search, you still have your profile drawing people in to you. Only time you ever actually *NEED* to do anything is when someone messages you. Its sort of like the difference between fishing with a rod and reel, and fishing with a net. With the rod and reel, you have to stand there and manually throw the lure out time and time again, hoping for a bite. With the net, you just toss it out in the river, and come back in a few hours to see if there is anything caught in it or not. For someone that is going for pure volume of potential hits, you can run the online bit in the background while you go out and meet other people the traditional way. It greatly increases the number of people you can potentially meet, but at a virtually non-existent cost. Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 I have a question back to Elsewhere. What do you think of a site like this and about coming and asking questions about dating? Does posting about dating problems and asking questions to help improve your dating not have a similar stigma? I came to this website to seek advice while in my past relationship. I just had noone to turn to and needed some outside view on my situation. And when he left I became addicted to ENA This is an encyclopaedia of human emotions. As I live in a big city and actually get approached a lot every day it didn't appear to me how it feels for people in the suburbs... Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I thought because they have social problems and/or are desperate. But I now see a lot of you here on ENA saying you met your SO this way and that changes my opinion - I know my close friends who are beautiful and do attract attention also tried online dating -and successfully! So I decided to break free from my old fashioned opinion and register, but then as I browsed my mindset was still thinking: "if they are here, what is wrong with them? either something must be wrong with them or they are looking for an encounter". If you guys tell me your reasons maybe it will help me understand I don't think you should use online dating sites because mostly all the people on there are weird. It's better to meeet people in public because all the people in the street are normal. Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 OP lol we get your sarcasm Everybody, I actually just registered and Hey! It's exciting! wow! Link to comment
Clarity Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I think I'm a reasonably typical case: Came out of a long-term relationship at age 25. By the time I was ready to date (now), I was working in a city with few (single) friends, in a completely male-dominated industry (no prospects through work whatsoever), and with hobbies and interests that don't lead to me meeting many women. On top of that, I'm a shy guy that is not really into the bar scene. Through online dating I've dated many women and gained a lot of experience I would never otherwise have. People are always skeptical - I've often gotten asked "You're attractive, intelligent, and funny - what are you doing on here?". I think girls often have a first impression of me as a player (LOL!!!) which could not be further from the truth. On the flip side, I have dated girls through online dating who were drop-dead gorgeous and who I would have never thought I would find through and online site. Often they are working in female-dominated fields (i.e. nursing) and have a hard time meeting men as well. I truly believe that in 5 to 10 years, for the 25+ crowd, online dating will be the norm as opposed to having any sort of stigma. It just makes sense and it's convenient. Link to comment
Thorne Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Guys mostly do it because, they have no other options. It is very hard for a man who works to meet new people. They see it as a crapshoot "Hey why not, what do I have to lose?" The problem however is that most dating sites are sausage fests. It is not rare to find a male to female ratio in the vein of 10 to 1. In these conditions, it's no wonder that females get flooded with messages begging for their attention and average or ugly men bite the dust. Even fat and ugly females are treated like geese laying golden eggs. Every time I've talked to a girl from a dating site or had a date with her, it's very clear that she was "shopping" for the best man she could get and trying many guys out. It makes it so that for guys it's incredibly hard to get a girl's attention and she's very likely to flake. So many swinging * * * * s that she'll always try to see if the grass is greener on the other side. Sure there's nothing wrong with checking out all your options, but the problem is that women are offered too many options, and the guys often none at all. Honestly I've read so many horror stories about guys PM'ing dozens if not hundreds of women, only not to get any positive reply, and sometimes not a SINGLE reply or acknowledgement. Not to mention that many women only subscribe to dating sites to get their ego stroked. Often they're already in relationships, but they're attention whores that want to see tons of guys begging for them. But of course, they're not going to commit to anything in return. They use it as an anti-depressant. Some even get off by ignoring or rejecting them with nasty replies. I've read so many such accounts that it simply makes you want to avoid any kind of online dating whatsoever. Now before you accuse me of dramatizing the situation, do something for fun. Make a quick Google search and look for feedback or customer reviews for all the biggest dating sites. You'll see so many similar comments by discouraged males all over the place that you could spend all day reading them. Link to comment
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