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Oh my God I feel so depressed like no matter what I do there is this lump


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in the back of my throat and I'm ready to cry. I have been doing things to distract myself and its not working. I keep thinking about us, and the bad things he has done to me pop in my head. I get angry that I let him treat me like that and then HE DUMPED ME. I feel like I'm not worth anything and no one will ever want me, and I will never find a good boyfriend to make me laugh and feel good. I feel so useless. Its been 2 weeks no contact for me officially today and I feel so crappy. I hate this, I hate my life and how this year is turning out crappy like all the other last years that have past. Why can't I ever have a good happy life. Oh my god I feel so bad. I feel so ashamed and embarassed.

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It's going to take time!!! It may take months but you will get through it. Now would probably be a time to keep yourself busy as possible.

 

Now is the time to work on you. I suggest keeping a daily journal and write all of your feelings down. If you haven't already, get rid of anything that has ties or connections to your boyfriend, erase phone numbers, delete emails,myspace,facebook.First couple of months are hard.. But time heals all wounds. You're going to have to wait it out until your heart heals.

 

I find exercise is a great stress reliever. If you haven't already, start running in the morning and join a gym. He relieves the stress and not only will you look better, you'll feel better about yourself.

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im trying all that and its just not workiing...whats wrong with me. I'm ruined.

 

 

No you're not ruined.. Stop having a defeated attitude! You're only 27 and you're still young!

 

Feelings is not something that goes away overnight. Like I said it's going to take time. I've been in situations where my heart was broken in the past and now I look back at those situations and laugh. I too felt like my life was over and that my ex was the best thing on earth. Now I can live my life and not even give her a second thought about her these days..

 

You will be fine.. I promise! Cry and do what you have to now.. Let all of your emotions go so you can get it out of your system. Keep a daily journal and write your feelings and emotions day by day. Just keep working to get it out of your system.

 

To me it sounds like your ex wasn't this great guy anyway so I'd try to not lose sleep on someone who's probably not even thinking about you. Hate to sound mean. You deserve a man who will treat you with respect.. you will find that again!

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Coco - you need to realize this will take time, lots of it! There is no magic wand to make you feel better instantly or within a month or two. Its ONLY been 2 weeks, that's no time at all in the grand scheme of things. You were with this guy for 7yrs, those memories wont fade overnight. Once you think of him or good times, start thinking of the bad times or something else. Dont think of him too much in too little time. That can make you go nuts!

 

Keep doing things for yourself. It might not seem like anything is working but focusing on yourself & your life DOES help. You will feel crappy some days, actually most days...at first but that will pass! AND your NOT ruined, dont be so negative, think positive & positive things will happen!

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Its just not true that if you think positive, positive things will happen. I have done that over and over again in my life and only bad things seem to happen. I don't understand it. Its so odd.

 

Oh its true! When was the last time before this breakup were you positive & really positive about yourself, your life & believed it?

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you have to just hang in there girl, it does get better, i was feeling the same way as you only a few months ago, you just have to give it time. i know no one wants to hear that but its the only thing thats going to make a difference. let me share my story quickly, 8 months ago my man of 10 yrs. left me for a much younger girl, im 41 hes 39 shes 25. my oldest daughter is 22. that sickens me. he ended up coming back twice since then, saying he made a mistake he missed his family, she didnt do the things i did etc. i believed him forgave him, just to have him walk out on us again in january, in all of that i was devestated to the point that i tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital for 3 days, that was after he left the 2nd time. the stupidest thing i have ever done in my life. , but this was the man that i loved and thought i was going to be with for the rest of my life. you know? the last time i let him back, we were together for over 2 months and he left again, i was done. yes it hurts, im still having problems like i just dont know what to do when i'm home in our house, it feels empty. i dont feel normal. i dont know what normal is now. but im working on accepting that this is my life now and i just have to deal with it. anyway, he married this girl last weekend, 2 months after we were together. i thought that would literally kill me but it didnt. im still here, and it truly didnt bother me at all like i expected. im still in disbelief that he did it. but it was like closure for me, im no longer waiting for him to come back. the thing that is really helping this time is unlike before when i was keeping to myself, this time im spending time with friends, going out doing things, that has really made a difference in how im handling things. im starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. i know as time goes by that things will get better , and they will for you too. right now, im just looking at my situation, as his loss, not mine. he did me a favor, no matter how bad it hurts, in the long run i will be better off. and im sure you are too, please dont just sit and wallow, i wasted so much time doing that myself and it just made things worse. do something to make you feel good. anything. dont let him break you. its not worth it.

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I am sorry to hear that things are so hard for you right now. Break ups are always hard but if you can i would try to pay attention to your thought process and all the negative self talk you are doing right now.

Take some time and become aware of what you are saying to yourself and try and counter back with some positive things about yourself. How we think completely effects how we feel so maybe try being more positive towards yourself and see if that helps...

Be graceful with yourself though, break ups are hard...

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thank you for sharing your story with me. I am really trying, I just don't seem strong enough, I get so angry I scream and cry and then I remember how smugly he called me and said "im leaving you" like it was nothing and came and got his stuff. he broke up with me so many times in our long term relationship and now that I look back on it I get so angry like WHO THE F DOES HE THINK HE IS! I am so angry I stayed with him and I'm so angry I hate him so much I hate his guts. I just want to call him and tell him I hate him. thats not healthy right? i cry uncontrollable and its just so much.

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hey, so sorry to hear how bad your feeling right now.

I just want to let you know, that i know right now it feels like the world is upon your sholders, and that it feels like the feelings your experiencing are going to be there forever, they are actually not.

When people told me that time was what was going to heal me when i was in the first couple weeks of my break up, i didnt want to hear it, i didnt want to believe it because i felt the only way it was going to feel better was by getting back with him and having him in my life again.

Now i want to ask you a question.

Why do you think HE is responsible for your happiness?

Do you know that you are a very valuable person? And that you actually dont need him to make you feel worthwhile?

My break up has been the most difficult thing for me, but probally the best thing for me at the same time because ive realised, he was never responsible for my happiness, i was. It all goes back to how we value yourselves as a person.

I know that your not going to feel happy over night by simply loving yourself uncondictionally, but its all about your life schedule.

Over time you'll be able to accept life without him, you'll get used to the schedule of no longer talking to him, and you'll find ways to make you happy without him in your life.

Right now your probally focusing on all the good things youve lost, and letting them over weigh the negative.

remember the negatives. Remind your self that hes not worth it!! Hes not worth all the wrong things he did to you.

Everyday i want you to tell yourself he is not responsible for your happiness. He does not give you value or purpose. You dont need to hold on to him to keep living your life or to feel fullfilled. You alone are responsible for your happiness. You love your strengths and weakness, you accept you. You dont need to look for his or anyone else's light, you can use your own.

Choose to accept the pain, and dont turn it into suffering.

I want to share some quotes that helped me get through the first phases of my breakup, i read them everyday

"No guy is worth your tears, and when you find the one that is he wont make you cry".

"For few love can last a lifetime but for many not knowing when to let go can hold them back forever".

"Only when you are able to completely detach yourself, can you be free"

"Relationships are like glasses, sometimes its better to leave them broken than to try to hurt yourself putting it back together".

"Dont cry over someone who wont cry over you".

"Dont pretend".

"If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge and get over it".

"If you really love something, set it free, if it comes back its yours, if not, it wasnt meant to be".

 

But most of all hang in there, and do what YOU need to do in order to get over him. Time will tell how much stronger you have become because of this. We are there for you

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Believe it or not this is normal for a lot of people up to six months, some longer, after a break up. Stop beating yourself up...this is not an abnormal thing you are feeling. It will get better.

 

Just keep watching the golden girls girly.

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Is it true it takes half the time you were with someone to get over someone?! So it means it will take me 3 and a half years to stop feeling this way?

 

 

I don't think anyone knows how long it will take for us to move on after a breakup. Each person is different in how they deal with the situation.

 

Give yourself time to mourn the loss and be kind to yourself.. Find things to do that take you out of the mindset. I know how hard this is trust me.

 

I am here if you ever want to talk. Stay strong you can do this

 

Tina x

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your welcome CoCo, trust me i know how you are feeling and there are really no words to even describe all the feelings and emotions you are going through. only you know. but you do have to go through the grieving process, feel all the feelings and the pain, cry, scream, let it all out. eventually you will get tired of being miserable and will start to focus on what you need to do to make yourself feel better. to make yourself the best you can be. you know they say the best revenge in being dumped is to suceed in your life , without them. this will make you stronger, i promise. when you are ready , you will get it together, you will be the strong confident beautiful woman that didnt let some man make or break her.

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Coco,

I've followed your story and tried to reply whenever i could

you might not see it yourself but you have already come a long way, it's not gonna all get better over night but it WILL happen. No one can tell you when because its different for everyone and every relationship but we have all been there and we know it will eventually happen.

The pain will be less and less and eventually it will stop hurting!

 

 

 

this year IS different, you have realised you dont need him, that he wasnt good for you and this is a new start.

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Coco,

I've followed your story and tried to reply whenever i could

you might not see it yourself but you have already come a long way, it's not gonna all get better over night but it WILL happen. No one can tell you when because its different for everyone and every relationship but we have all been there and we know it will eventually happen.

The pain will be less and less and eventually it will stop hurting!

 

 

 

this year IS different, you have realised you dont need him, that he wasnt good for you and this is a new start.

 

But thats just it he dumped ME, he decided that he didn't want me anymore because I wasn't good enough. I'm not trying to be negative I just see it as that. I feel like no one wants me.

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But thats just it he dumped ME, he decided that he didn't want me anymore because I wasn't good enough. I'm not trying to be negative I just see it as that. I feel like no one wants me.

 

But in all honestly were you HAPPY in that relationship? From reading your other posts, you weren't. Just because he did the dumping doesn't mean you were happy go lucky in this relationship.

 

Maybe he did you a favor by letting you go & giving you a chance to find yourself & true happiness with someone else....one day down the road.

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you werent happy in that relationship, it was unhealthy.

It's not that you weren't "good enough", you two were not a good match and you weren't happy together.

This is your chance to let go and start fresh!

I remember a quote from Grey's Anatomy, "If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, you have to stop accepting crap and demand something more!".

Coco you deserve so much more, yes you miss him but the relationship wasnt good for you, you need to realise that you deserve alot better and have faith that one day you will find someone who will make you happy.

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I've been there.

I went over everything in my head, over analyzed everything, and ofcourse kept blaming myself, kept thinking only if i did this or said that or was more like this or that.

But the reality of it is, nothing has to go wrong, people change and they change the most in their early/mid 20s.

They might grow apart or become totally different people with different needs.

Don't be so harsh on yourself

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