his sleep schedule messes our time up

[Hockey.Chick]

This might sound selfish, but I'm having a problem with my boyfriend's sleeping schedule. I have classes every day, 5 days a week, and he works random days in the week and doesn't go to school at the moment. He doesn't work at nights, but when he gets home from work, he chooses to go out with his friends or go to the bar for a drink or two (which I have no problem with) while I'm sleeping. Sounds fine and dandy so far.

 

Well, lately, it's become a problem for me. The thing is, he stays up all night online or out with friends because he has problems sleeping most nights and then he'll tire himself out and finally get to sleep in the early morning. This causes him to sleep into the day if he has off work or if he works later in the day. So in essence, when I get out of class and want to see him on his off days, he's asleep and usually won't wake up until about 5 o clock in the afternoon, and by then half the day is wasted. This is even more annoying on weekends.

 

Granted he doesn't do this EVERY single day, and I love him to death and would never consider ending our otherwise amazing relationship because of this, but it gets annoying when I'm bored during my free time from classes because he can't wake up til late afternoon. I don't know if I should deal with it until summer (when things will get better because I won't have class) or if I should tell him how I feel and see if he can possibly try and straighten himself out instead of being out all night. Any advice you have would be great. Thanks.

[pinkrobot]

Nothing will even begin to change until you talk to him about it!

[_Asti_]

Can you contain your frustration till the summer? Or would you rather deal with it now?

 

I went through this.

Like I mentioned in a thread yesterday..

 

I've always had opposite schedules with my partner. He's either worked late night shifts causing him to sleep most of the day, and even now..I work 8-4 and he works 4-11..and often times stays up all night and sleeps all day..which throws him off completely for the weekend as well.

 

It takes communication and compromise. Thats the bottom line. It's being able to talk about it in a non accusing way and making him feel bad or guilty, its working together to figure out what works.

 

It's something I've accepted.

I've had to accept that some days he just doesn't wake up till the afternoon. Just because I'm bored in the morning, why should he have to wake up to entertain me? It's not his job.

 

This schedule now is not a problem. We've adapted to it and learned to work around it, and we both sacrifice. Sometimes I end up staying up till midnight till he gets off of work, even though I need to be awake at 6:00am. And vice versa, he's made enough sleep sacrifice to spend time with me. So at the end of the day, I have no reason to be upset. The relationship is amazing, and he's making money, gaining the experience he needs for his career, and it's just temporary and situational. We want to be together and we make it work, and it just does.

 

I did experience alot of frustration though for the first little while..but since then we've both grown, my life is rich and full of things to do that don't revolve around him waiting to wake up, and that has helped tremendously. These are the circustancces, and it takes communication, open honest..but yet not attacking, communication, with compromise.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

He is causing his own sleep problems by sleeping erratically. Everyone is most healthy when sleeping on a normal schedule, going to sleep and getting up at the same time.

 

Alcohol is also notoriously for interfering with sleep and keeping one from getting restful sleep.

 

I would try to talk him into understanding this kind of sleep schedule is not healthy for him, and if you do proceed further and marry and have children, he can't carry on this way and be an active part of the family.

 

It also is hard of your relationship, and there really is no reason he couldn't switch to a more normal schedule if he works days.

 

There is nothing wrong with him having a drink or two, but he should stop at two and come home when that's done. so if he goes to the pub at 6 p.m., no reason for him not to be home by 8 p.m., unless he is drinking too much.

 

So it's a question too of him choosing to sleep erratically, and if he wants to fix his sleep problems/insomnia, he needs to stop drinking most nights, and also start going to bed at the same time and getting up at the same time. It's really just a bad habit he's fallen into, and it will affect his health since erratic sleep schedules affect the brain and body.

[jenny_mcs]

 

but it gets annoying when I'm bored during my free time from classes because he can't wake up til late afternoon.

 

Honestly, to me, you sound controlling. You want him to sleep & wake on your schedule because you're bored?

[pinkrobot]

So is the real issue that you're upset because he won't wake up and entertain you?

 

Or, is it that his sleep schedule is one of choice, not necessity (it's not like he HAS to do it due to work or school), and that you wish that when decision-time came to whether to go out late with his friends and sleep in late, or to call it an early night so he could wake up early and spend some time with you (because we all like to spend time with our SOs, right), you wish he'd balance time with friends and time with you a little more?

 

To me it sounds like you at least have the right to discuss it with him and see if there's a compromise to be made. He doesn't have to give up going out and sleeping in, it would just be nice if he'd wake up early and spend a little time with you every now and then.

[Hockey.Chick]

well..no i dont expect him to entertain me. he even says to me that he hates his sleeping patterns and would rather be doing something than sleeping all day. his work schedule is not the reason he has a weird sleep schedule..he only works from 11:30 AM to roughly 4 PM 5 days a week.