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New question, im kind of taking a crash course on dating and the best way for me to advance in my opinion is to A. Just do it B. Ask questions when i dont know.

 

Ok, so this girl i went on a date with before the date was talking to me a lot via text and w.e other means up until the meeting.

 

Since then she has not initiated any conversation, i have though, had a rather 'interesting' conversation with her last night. So shes not ignoring me and were actually having good talks.

 

The date was soso without going into details.

 

Do you think she lost interest? ive read other places that women sometimes will express interest and then expect the guy to take over.

 

I suppose this puts me in a strange position since im so inexperienced. Like im going to ask her out again, but dating ideas seem kind of infantile. Like going to a zoo or gokarting or going for a hike or anything. Is that what two people alone really do? It seems like idk it just seems strange.

 

Secondly, escalation is on my mind, besides having the balls to do something, anything, does it need to be a smooth transition? I heard different things, that some women wait for the kiss, and just doing it doesnt really matter. But does the attraction of someone need to be gauged before attempting, or should it be used as sort of a icebreaker, not like seeing them and tongue attacking them. But the comfort level is obviously not 100% there so a kiss sometime during or after a date, beneficial y/n? If say the initiator were to be rejected, does that mean no more pursuing, or is it best to just talk to the other about it.

 

Third sort of pertaining to dating, im looking to rapidly develop my social life, the inklings of confidence are starting to come back to me contrary to what you think after reading this post lol. But i realize that having no social capital will cripple dating, in that i mean, is it proper to just 1 on 1 date someone the whole time, or should it be a fun social experience, like it almost seems to personal. Developing attraction in my past relationships was me being a fun alphamalish guy with friends of hers and mine where i established myself as The Man of the group. But sadly now, i still havnt recovered 100% socially from a drawn out bad relationship where i kind of lost all i had, and developed a social phobia which im trying to get over.

 

Also how should i continue to approach contact, she was pretty much blowing up my phone before, now ive only called her last night, should i try to be distant or keep on pursuing, i know its a matter of attraction, but the way i see it is as such, if she is attracted to me does the few and far contact hurt or help, and if she really isnt attracted to me then i suppose it really doesnt matter anyways but for the sake of the question would few and far contact hurt or help here too.

 

I know im over analyzing, but i cant really help it. Once i get some answers i should be better equipped.

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Ok, so this girl i went on a date with before the date was talking to me a lot via text and w.e other means up until the meeting.

 

Since then she has not initiated any conversation, i have though, had a rather 'interesting' conversation with her last night. So shes not ignoring me and were actually having good talks.

 

The date was soso without going into details.

 

Do you think she lost interest? ive read other places that women sometimes will express interest and then expect the guy to take over.

 

You are just starting to get to know each other.

The same way that you have feelings of ambivalence (are not sure how you feel about her yet), so does she.

Give things a chance to develop one way or another.

You cannot predict yet how you will feel about each other, because you don't really know each other yet.

You're going to have to take things slow, and just see how it goes!

 

If you liked her enough to ask her out again, then go ahead and do so.

 

I suppose this puts me in a strange position since im so inexperienced. Like im going to ask her out again, but dating ideas seem kind of infantile. Like going to a zoo or gokarting or going for a hike or anything. Is that what two people alone really do? It seems like idk it just seems strange.

 

All of those date ideas sound pretty great to me, actually.

Adults like to have fun, too!

Enjoying these sorts of activities together is a great way to get to know each.

Try to have fun without the pressure of evaluating things under Relationship terms before the time has come to do so.

 

Secondly, escalation is on my mind, besides having the balls to do something, anything, does it need to be a smooth transition? I heard different things, that some women wait for the kiss, and just doing it doesnt really matter. But does the attraction of someone need to be gauged before attempting, or should it be used as sort of a icebreaker, not like seeing them and tongue attacking them. But the comfort level is obviously not 100% there so a kiss sometime during or after a date, beneficial y/n? If say the initiator were to be rejected, does that mean no more pursuing, or is it best to just talk to the other about it.

 

 

Don't worry about kissing yet.

You said the first date was so-so.

 

If there's a time to kiss her, you'll feel it, and will probably get some sort of vibe from her that indicates that she's keen on you, too.

Wait until that sort of rapport is there before jumping the gun and kissing her just because you think that that's what's supposed to happen on dates.

The kissing should only come when you both have decided that you really enjoy spending time together, and are both interested in taking things to that next level.

You're just not even there yet.

 

Third sort of pertaining to dating, im looking to rapidly develop my social life, the inklings of confidence are starting to come back to me contrary to what you think after reading this post lol. But i realize that having no social capital will cripple dating, in that i mean, is it proper to just 1 on 1 date someone the whole time, or should it be a fun social experience, like it almost seems to personal. Developing attraction in my past relationships was me being a fun alphamalish guy with friends of hers and mine where i established myself as The Man of the group. But sadly now, i still havnt recovered 100% socially from a drawn out bad relationship where i kind of lost all i had, and developed a social phobia which im trying to get over.

 

Take it easy. There are no set rules about the circumstances under which you get to know each other.

If you enjoy 1-on-1 time, then plan dates that are 1-on-1.

If you think you'd prefer to get to spend time in a group, then try that.

Personally, I think the group thing should happen a bit more organically--

like, perhaps you already have friends in common, in which case she would already be part of the group.

OR, alternately, you spend some time together 1-on-1, and get to know her better before deciding whether you'd like to introduce her

to your social circle.

A nice slow introduction might make most sense.

For example, say you've had a few dates alone, and now you want to let her meet some of your friends-- a good way to do this is to invite her to a show (or a party, or some event) where some friends will be, arrive together, leave together, but mingle a bit while you are there.

 

Just play it by ear.

 

Also how should i continue to approach contact, she was pretty much blowing up my phone before, now ive only called her last night, should i try to be distant or keep on pursuing, i know its a matter of attraction, but the way i see it is as such, if she is attracted to me does the few and far contact hurt or help, and if she really isnt attracted to me then i suppose it really doesnt matter anyways but for the sake of the question would few and far contact hurt or help here too.

 

I know im over analyzing, but i cant really help it. Once i get some answers i should be better equipped.

 

Play it all by ear.

Yes, you are over analysing.

Don't worry yet about how she might feel towards you--

she's just one girl out of millions in the world, and you haven't learned enough about her yet to determine for yourself if there's anything that will set her apart in your mind from those million other girls.

 

Get to know her, and use your feelings to dictate whether you call or don't call.

Her responses to any reaching out will tell you whether she feels the same way or not.

 

Just try to have some fun with it.

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As for the kiss, there are a few signs you should watch for during the date.

 

1) Touching. Does she touch you? As in, your hand, your arm, your shoulder, just about any form of physical contact what-so-ever?

 

2) Grooming. Does she mess with her hair? Thats always a good sign. If she's messing with her hair, she's thinking about how she looks. If she's thinking about how she looks, its because she's thinking about what you're thinking about how she looks.

 

3) Vulnerability. As in "If this guy wanted to kill me, this would probably do it". Things like exposing her wrists or neck to you. Most women don't realize they do it, but if you notice that she's sticking her neck out, well now you know one of the places that phrase comes from.

 

4) Mirroring. Like the above, most people don't realize they are doing this. You do something, and she copies it. Like you reach for your drink at dinner, and she immediately goes for hers as well. You see a lot of this, and it means she's connecting with you.

 

5) Proximity. Does she stay physically close to you? If you go to a movie and sit next to each other, look at how she's sitting. Is she scrunched up on the opposite side of her seat from you, or are you practically fighting over the arm rest? If you're out to eat somewhere with a small table, try getting up for something, and when you sit back down, move the chair around the table just a little bit so that you're closer to her. Does she start adjusting the chair away from you? Closer you can get, the better.

 

If you're getting any of those, its a good sign. More of them you get in one date, the better off you are. If you aren't sure, here's one easy test. Try to touch her hair for some reason. Its almost always a sure thing, if she'll let you play with her hair, she'll let you kiss her as well.

 

As for calling, it depends greatly on how much she likes you. The more she likes you, the more calls you can get away with. Every other day is usually fine for starting out, daily when you get more into it. More than daily will depend on her, really.

 

When in doubt, try setting up a kind of game where you alternate who makes the call. You call her, then she calls you. How long it takes her to call you next time will be a good indicator of how long you should take. You don't have to be obvious about it, simply ending a call with "Call me" puts the ball in her court, and sets the expectation that the next step is hers.

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I suppose this puts me in a strange position since im so inexperienced. Like im going to ask her out again, but dating ideas seem kind of infantile. Like going to a zoo or gokarting or going for a hike or anything. Is that what two people alone really do? It seems like idk it just seems strange.

The specific activity is not so important, she is going to be much more affected by the conversation the two of you have while you're together

 

Secondly, escalation is on my mind, besides having the balls to do something, anything, does it need to be a smooth transition? I heard different things, that some women wait for the kiss, and just doing it doesnt really matter. But does the attraction of someone need to be gauged before attempting, or should it be used as sort of a icebreaker, not like seeing them and tongue attacking them. But the comfort level is obviously not 100% there so a kiss sometime during or after a date, beneficial y/n? If say the initiator were to be rejected, does that mean no more pursuing, or is it best to just talk to the other about it.

It doesn't have to be smooth, sometimes you will see just the right circumstance that will want to make you dive right in. And you actually have to dive right in if you want her, otherwise she will notice your hesitation and think you're not into her as a result when she is waiting for it. My personal read on guys like you who aren't necessarily on the aggressive side of things, is to think more aggressive and take more chances. And it is always beneficial to kiss as soon as you can, you let her know what your intentions are.

 

Third sort of pertaining to dating, im looking to rapidly develop my social life, the inklings of confidence are starting to come back to me contrary to what you think after reading this post lol. But i realize that having no social capital will cripple dating, in that i mean, is it proper to just 1 on 1 date someone the whole time, or should it be a fun social experience, like it almost seems to personal. Developing attraction in my past relationships was me being a fun alphamalish guy with friends of hers and mine where i established myself as The Man of the group. But sadly now, i still havnt recovered 100% socially from a drawn out bad relationship where i kind of lost all i had, and developed a social phobia which im trying to get over.

Unnecessary to make this a social interaction thing, and doing it that way handicaps you in a lot of ways. You don't want to have to depend on anyone else being around or her friends interactions, you want to be able to make everything happen on your own.

 

Also how should i continue to approach contact, she was pretty much blowing up my phone before, now ive only called her last night, should i try to be distant or keep on pursuing, i know its a matter of attraction, but the way i see it is as such, if she is attracted to me does the few and far contact hurt or help, and if she really isnt attracted to me then i suppose it really doesnt matter anyways but for the sake of the question would few and far contact hurt or help here too.

If you show her too much disinterest she will eventally think you are not interested. So the best thing I would recommend for you is to show more interest. Call her more. Ask her to get together sooner than later. And do your best to look for an opportunity to make a move the next time you see her!

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