EQD Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 pretty sure my mom was 'manic depressive' Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 that's just another term for bi-polar. if she was, you really might do yourself a huge disservice by not getting evaluated. have you told your counselor your mother was manic depressive? Link to comment
NowandZen Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I think we have talked about this before. You have to accept that people WILL hurt you. People WILL do things you wish they would not. The only way I know to insulate yourself against people hurting you is to KNOW that whatever they do is all about THEM, not about YOU. It's sort of like slow traffic, or long lines. When you expect them, they lose their power to immobilize you emotionally. Attachment is pain (suffering). All of us have to decide for ourselves how much suffering we are willing to endure. If you want no suffering, you accept no attachment. It's not for me to say if this is the way to live your life. I don't do it that way. I accept a certain amount of attachment and the suffering that goes with it. The only thing that makes it worth it to me is that I feel I have the tools to move forward through suffering, when it comes. Namaste Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 i think its easiest explained that i'm a very very analyitical person... if it doesnt fit here nor there it upsets me. another problem is the impatience of youth. Multiplied by the uncertainty i feel and then the fear of uncertainty... and that causes quite a bit of upset. because when things are in limbo it is grey, and i dont like grey because i cant be certain about grey. alot of my life hinges on facts and certainty. I understand now. Yes I have been there.when you feel second rate by not being right..about being afraid not to let go.Everything is calculated carefully yet doesnt always work out.. This is called life. Its like you fear the unknown..the uncertain. I have come to terms with this by a sense of adventure. I have found that by overthinking that we lose the excitement of the moment. In the past I have walked into situations that only a mad man would dare. It had alot of uncertainty...a fear that would shake the earth in half of what I had deliberately stepped into. I can describe it as a washing machine of fears and uncertainty that would drive people mad. Yet I took a leap of faith in the dark to find that there was new ground,learning and insight to be had. Sure I had my ego bruised as well as a huge challenge in my mind but you know what? You never know or grow if you never go. We fail a few times but we learn and get wiser ..stronger. Eq..I am glad in a way you posted....typing away has made me feel more brazen and more courage than ever..have courage. Being comfortable is sitting still and eats away our self confidence and makes us feel stale.. Move forward into the unknown ..relax your heart..mind and jump in.. Youll stumble but once you start winning you will understand that the doubt, fear and self criticism was a path that was well worth it. Tb Link to comment
EQD Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 it was a jump just to be in this relationship. i know i am not incapable of taking risks. anyway... i have an appointment with my psych today... thank god... thanks for all your help guys Link to comment
deleted-account Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 i guess the problem is i am too comfortable with mapping things out. its my only defense from being completely naive. but you almost need to be naive in order to be in a relationship and be in love... as far as i can tell... because if not you end up like me.. and instead you are naive about life.. the one scenario that i think is least likely is the most positive one. in that way i am a pessimist... i trust that it will fail. and that is just living in backwards land. This really struck home to me as something I haven't figured out how to cope with yet. I think it comes from being hurt in the past. I think it's why people say you never forget your first love or that it was the strongest. It's because we were too naive to believe it could fail. Too naive to believe we could get hurt. I know it left me a little bitter. It's hard, or nearly impossible, to make that full leap again because you know there's no one to catch you when you fall. You can't open yourself up to being hurt that deeply again. It's like as great as things are, I find myself waiting for it to fail. In your situation, I wonder if him being divorced is a big factor in why you are struggling with him so much. It's like he's been through all this before and thought he had that true love when he got married, the ultimate in relationships, and that failed. At the time he would have sworn up and down that he knew it was the right thing. Now you're supposed to trust that he loves you and is committed to you? His track record suggests he doesn't know what love is either. How do any of us really know what it is? Maybe it's the ability to be naive? Link to comment
EQD Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 no. he claimed to have married her out of more of a 'friendship love' not a romantic one. he too claims to be a pessimist about romantic love. yet says he has it with me. the details are the different but the outcome is the same. how am i supposed to believe his words? Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 no. he claimed to have married her out of more of a 'friendship love' not a romantic one. he too claims to be a pessimist about romantic love. yet says he has it with me. the details are the different but the outcome is the same. how am i supposed to believe his words? i have the same struggles with my fiance ... he has also been married in the past- and i get scared because he did go the distance and his track record says that the marriage didn't work- why? it is very scary to be in love with someone because its such abstract concept and requires a lot of trust- and heartache hurts soooo much- its gut wrenching- who wants to knowingly put themselves in that position? but the draw of love is so strong- and the desire to believe that "this is it...forever" is so strong as well... and every time a relationship fails...we are faced with the reality that no matter how hard we try to prepare for what "may" come ... we will really never know. I have come to terms with a lot in regards to my trust issues- and i'm learning that in order for this to work- i have no choice but to allow myself to fully commit my heart to him - i can't hold back- and that commitment is more with myself then it is with him or anyone else. sometimes i get so scared- the only thing i can compare it to is riding a bike for the first time without training wheels- you are so scared to push the pedals and go... and you feel secure knowing that person is behind you- holding on to keep you up- and so you pedal a little faster- feeling more secure ...and then all of sudden you realize .. there is nobody behind you anymore - nothing backing you up- and you realize you are alone- on this bike without training wheels... at that point- you may get scared and begin to wobble ... and even fall off... or you may just keep on riding... feeling more and more secure with every push of the pedal. So here i am .. on this bike alone- pedaling and pedaling- and sometimes when i sit back and i think about how much i love my fiance ..i get scared- and i wobble- but i tell myself to keep on pedaling. maybe thats what you need to do- if the bike seems secure- and you seem to have your balance.. why let yourself fall off if all you have to do is pedal? Link to comment
EQD Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 because i've never seen anyone ride a bike before. and thats why its so hard to imagine it as so. i think my childhood has limited me in ways that few people can understand. i'm not going to be a victim of it, but i'm not going to pretend that it wont hold me back. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 because i've never seen anyone ride a bike before. and thats why its so hard to imagine it as so. i think my childhood has limited me in ways that few people can understand. i'm not going to be a victim of it, but i'm not going to pretend that it wont hold me back. I am confused by this. On one hand you say you will not be vicitmized, and on the other you say it will hold you back. Is that not a form of victimization, or am I missing something? Link to comment
EQD Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 I am confused by this. On one hand you say you will not be vicitmized, and on the other you say it will hold you back. Is that not a form of victimization, or am I missing something? no. i deal with problems this way. first steps go something like breakdown, identify why i broke down, identify the source, rationalize the effect it had, get pissed off because its limiting me, and use that to overcome the problem. basically every problem is worked out this way. from jobs to emotional situations. right now i am on rationalize the effect it had.. soon enough i'll move on to being more objective and 'pissed' Link to comment
EQD Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 er maybe thats what i use as a tool. typed out it seems like i use the feeling of being vicitimized in order to spur myself to overcome the problem. hm. interesting. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 er maybe thats what i use as a tool. typed out it seems like i use the feeling of being vicitimized in order to spur myself to overcome the problem. hm. interesting. i do that too... but i was never able to articulate it as well as you did. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 i do that too... but i was never able to articulate it as well as you did. EQD is quite the articulator. I am always impressed. When she has time, I'll see if she can deal with my daughter issues. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 EQD is quite the articulator. I am always impressed. When she has time, I'll see if she can deal with my daughter issues. daughter issues? Link to comment
NowandZen Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 daughter issues? Ah yes, they all talk about father/mother issues, but we parents have issues with our children as well. I allowed my 19 y/o daughter to drag me through a personal hell. It's all on me, I don't blame her anymore, but the scars are still there. The way you get to the heart of the matter makes me think you could put me on the right track to find peace with it. But, you have a lot on your plate, I see. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 i'm alot better with helping others than i am with helping myself. if you think i can help then shoot a PM. if you think i am too mixed up then i think you'll know not to. Link to comment
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