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zenbabyk

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First off, I am not interested in being someone's friend with benefits.

 

I have made this very clear to him, and told him if he viewed me as that, then I think that it would be best if we didn't see each other any more. (That was about two weeks ago.)

 

I asked him if he viewed me as that, he said no... but at the same time I feel like he treats me like one... well I'm not sure. If I were sure I wouldn't have to come on here and seek for advice.

 

What does this guy want??

 

We hang out almost everyday... I practically live there... and if we don't hang out we talk on the phone, or some how communicate throughout the day.

 

He has invited me over to some of his girl, and guyfriends houses to hang out.

 

Last night after work ( we both work at a bar, not the same one...) we got together and I got to his house before him... about 40 minutes before him, and I sat in my car until he got there, but when he arrived he was confused as to why I didn't just let myself in...) He apologized about being late and told me he got me something...

 

I fell asleep literally once I walked inside, and this morning he gave me a bracelet he had found... weird I know but it's really cute and it has a heart on it... he said I could throw it away if I wanted to, but he found it while he was cleaning up and said he thought it was cute and that I would like it (which I do...*kinda weird I know...

 

ANYWAYS... so that sounds great right??

 

ok so the redflags consist of this...

 

He has a million ka gillion girlfriends... who he LOVES to keep in contact with... he even has a framed picture of him and his "bestgirlfriend" in his bedroom, and apparently her boyfriend is his good friend...

 

 

He used to be overweight, and now is REALLY inshape, owns a gym and trains his good girlfriends all the time... yay.

 

Yesterday we were watching tv with his roommate and his roommate mentioned that he met a hot girl and was taking her out on a date next weekend... I thought he had a girlfriend... he assured me that they are just f buddies.... I said- well wait didn't you two just go to a movie together the other night, and he got defensive, and I asked him if she knew if that's all they were and he told me to mind my own business, and I don't know what to do because I see that girl everytime that I'm there, and I feel like she deserves to know... and I don't know if my guy views me like her... and UGH@

I need help...

 

Am I seriously just his f buddy??

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Doesn't sound to me like your an f buddy, but I can't say for sure. If you want to find out though, don't have sex with him for a week or two - you'll be sure to find out that way!

 

I wouldn't get overly conccerned/jealous about him havin a lot of lady friends. I do too, and that's all they are. Some guys just get along with women better than they get along with men.

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Well, I would say that you are clearly his girlfriend.

 

However, his views on exclusivity seem questionable. Like, you're his rightful girlfriend, not just a f-buddy, but he may still think it's fine to cheat on you once in a while and be way too close to other girls or whatnot. I don't know.

 

Many guys moral ethic seems to be "it's only wrong if you get caught."

 

I only trust guys who have high morals, don't believe cheating is right, don't lie to anyone reguardless of personal gain, etc.

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What do you mean by girlfriends? Just friends that are girls or is he sexually involved with them too? Do you consider him your boyfriend? Have you ever discussed whether or not you are exclusive?

 

 

Friends that happen to be girls. I have no idea if he is sexually involved with them, I have high doubts since I am with him almost every night...

 

However, tonight around 5 I asked him if he maybe wanted to see a movie and he said that he had to train a friend of his, who happens to be a girl... *his gym is not open today... and I mentioned that but since he owns it he was going to open it up for her. *I know he can do this because he has for me.

 

So... I said okay that's fine I think I'll just find someone else to see the movie with, he kinda got jealous and said that he really wanted to see that movie with me but tonight was just not a good night.

 

So, at 11 he texts me asking me if I'm feeling better, and I said "yeah thanks! " ( I had a really bad headache earlier) he replied by saying "Just woke up from crashing on the couch while watching a movie with the roomies, so tired! Going to bed now, g'night!"

 

RUDE! (he always calls goodnight)

 

I said "Night! I'm at a movie I'll talk to you tomorrow!"

 

He says "Better not be that scary one

 

hahaa.... little does he know that I was at "he's just not that into you" with a girlfriend of mine, It's going to be fun to see if he asks who I went with!

 

Let's see how that tastes buster!

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If that is of sincere concern to you, the fact that you feel as though he treats you like one, should be enough to answer your own question. Read again if needed.

 

You are extremely insecure and will continue to be taken advantage of in your life, if you continue as is. You know in your heart that you are being played. Please walk away. Please start bonding with those in a more educated society.

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So, at 11 he texts me asking me if I'm feeling better, and I said "yeah thanks! " ( I had a really bad headache earlier) he replied by saying "Just woke up from crashing on the couch while watching a movie with the roomies, so tired! Going to bed now, g'night!"

 

RUDE! (he always calls goodnight)

 

I fail to see how this is 'rude'.

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If that is of sincere concern to you, the fact that you feel as though he treats you like one, should be enough to answer your own question. Read again if needed.

 

You are extremely insecure and will continue to be taken advantage of in your life, if you continue as is. You know in your heart that you are being played. Please walk away. Please start bonding with those in a more educated society.

 

well I mean, I have always been played... so I am insecure... I mean I lied, I don't KNOW he treats me like one, I just, i don't know I actually like him and maybe just trying to protect myself

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So... I said okay that's fine I think I'll just find someone else to see the movie with, he kinda got jealous and said that he really wanted to see that movie with me but tonight was just not a good night.

 

If he's jealous about you going to a movie without him then I doubt he's out with another girl. If he was, his reply would likely have been one that sounded more nonchalant.

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I'm getting the impression that you've never actually talked to him on where the two of you stand. Is that correct? It doesn't sound like your a * * * * buddy to me but if you need it clarified, then just talk to him. Ask him if he wants to be exclusive or not. At least that way you will know.

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I'm getting the impression that you've never actually talked to him on where the two of you stand. Is that correct? It doesn't sound like your a * * * * buddy to me but if you need it clarified, then just talk to him. Ask him if he wants to be exclusive or not. At least that way you will know.

 

Whenever I talk about it he ignores it, and changes the subject. I'm just going to leave him alone for a couple days and see how that pans out.

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I'm just going to leave him alone for a couple days and see how that pans out.

 

Are you being strait with yourself by taking this action? Are you possibly scared to let him go and move on? Do you feel as though you are not worthy to be with someone different? Are you waiting for someone who is honest and straight with you? You must answer these questions personally.

 

Please take of yourself. You can't depend on others at this point in your growing life, for your happiness. Everything I say, you have to take at face value.

That said, are able to depend on your own true feelings though, which you represented clearly, on your original post.

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You are in the players lair. These guys are very smooth. They are very smooth and seducing women for pleasure. They are using the women for ego trips and has his trophies on the wall. Yes he is nice..sweet and very smooth but because your relationship is not defined..he gets defensive.. why? Because he doesnt want commitment but indeed a fb. Its not rocket science ..he is a player boy. If you are serious..find a real man..

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You are extremely insecure and will continue to be taken advantage of in your life, if you continue as is. You know in your heart that you are being played. Please walk away. Please start bonding with those in a more educated society.

 

A more educated society? Sorry for going O/T but if you mean 'educated' in the traditional sense, then I wouldn't necessarily say educated = moral.

 

I don't think she's 'extremely insecure' either, most girls get a bit unsure with guys from time to time.

 

OP - It doesn't sound like you're his FB, but I think he's possibly taking advantage of the fact that you haven't talked to him about exclusivity yet. Either do that or do what a previous poster said and hold off the sex for a couple of weeks, see what happens.

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A more educated society? Sorry for going O/T but if you mean 'educated' in the traditional sense, then I wouldn't necessarily say educated = moral.

 

I don't think she's 'extremely insecure' either, most girls get a bit unsure with guys from time to time.

 

OP - It doesn't sound like you're his FB, but I think he's possibly taking advantage of the fact that you haven't talked to him about exclusivity yet. Either do that or do what a previous poster said and hold off the sex for a couple of weeks, see what happens.

 

Do not know what O/T means. I mean more educated in a mature common sense. A mature person would not blatantly disrespect, which is clearly happening in this situation. A mature person would not ignore the truth, which is also clearly happening in this situation.

 

A mature person, would not accept this disrespect, yet it is happening. Her weakness is apparently his ego. She refuses to listen even though she knows there is something wrong. She posted on this forum because she knows in her heart that there is something wrong with the relationship. If she stays, all it can do is hurt/teach her down the road. She will learn eventually, even if it has to be the hard way. That is truth. It does not help him either.

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I honestly can't see where people are coming from here. There is nothing you have said that has indicated that your guy sees you as casual, or FWB. Unless I misread your original post and it was not his housemate you were talking about at the end, but your guy. I believed you were saying the housemate had an attitude about the women he was seeing, and you are afraid your guy might be the same?

 

First off, if his actions say he's not to be trusted, go with the actions over the words every time. He can say whatever he needs to say to get off the hook, but his actions will show what he really wants.

 

Second, unless there's a whole lot you are not telling us, I can't see how his actions are telling you he can't be trusted. He's a personal trainer, and he trains women as well as men, right? It's his job. He's going to be in close proximity to women, but it's his job. Most of us engage with the opposite sex at work - he gets to see women looking sweaty and smelling interesting, wearing unflattering clothing and grunting a lot. Not necessarily the picture of hotness you might imagine.

 

I don't think he was rude to you. You never know, he may not have called because you had a headache, he didn't want to bug you. Or because you acted differently with him and he doesn't know where he stands.

 

I would give him a break and talk to him about whether you are exclusive when your fears have passed and you are both in the right state of mind.

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Do you think that I should confront him that I'm upset by his friends way of treating girls and that I'm concerned that he views me in that same way?

Communication is king in any relationship. If you are concerned about the above and don't want to drive yourself nuts trying to analyze his every action to death then the best thing to do would be to voice your concerns. Then you'll have an answer.

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The answer to your question seems very clear to me. ASK HIM if you are his girl friend or not? or at least if he is exclusive. If he changed the subject on the question means that the answer is no! and hey, please do it, you have to know it for your health reasons!

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5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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