Need advice badly

[Dewboy]

I have been separated for roughly 6 months and will be turning in the divorce papers as soon as I get the court fees together. When I was still with my STBX I helped set up her myspace account and thus I know the password. I never pried before but when she told me that she did not love me anymore I became extremely nosey and was mostly looking for an answer as to why she felt this way after almost 14yrs of marriage. She gave me really vague answers at first so I would check her myspace e-mail so see if she was having an affair, etc. to at least put my mine at ease so I could get an understanding of "why"?

 

I have come to terms with the fact we are getting a divorce even though I have practically begged her to work things out with me. Her only answer is "We are two different people and need to move on". I still have questions that are unanswered so I still find myself reading her myspace mails....I know it's wrong and possibly borderline stalker actions but I'm simply looking for answers becasue she will not fully open up to me.

 

Through my extreme nosyness I have found a couple of e-mails between her and a past co-worker who is conveniently coming off of his 2nd divorce. He has 5 kids between his first and 2nd ex wife. My ex told me that she went out with him a few weeks ago but only as a friend because he needed someone to talk to about his divorce She says he's just a friend but I can tell by his e-mails that he wants to be more than friends...he's on the rebound and my ex is an easy target because of what we are going through. Here's where I need help...

 

- I want to ask her what a guy who has been divorced twice and has 5 kids can offer her that I could not? The kids are all under 18 so he has to be coughing up a wad of cash for child support and he works at a low end retail store at that. I know money isn't everything but the stbx is materialistic so this makes no sense to me

 

I do not know that she has feelings for him other than friends but I almost feel obligated to play big brother and step in and guard her from predators I know this isn't right but I cannot help myself.

 

Am I being jealous?.....you bet I am but I really do not want to be. We are still friends and she knows that if she told me this minute that she wants to work on things...I would do it in a heartbeat. I need some advice badly. I know that snooping on her is delaying my healing but I dont have self control lately. It hurts to think of her with someone else especially when I'm alone

 

I just want to clarify again....I know what I'm doing is wrong and I'm trying really hard to stop snooping but I would like to know if I should ask her what he has to offer than I could not? Mainly because I want to be a better man and partner to whoever enters my life in the future.

[rivercitystein]

When did the emails start between the two of them? If they started within the past 6 months then no I wouldn't ask her anything. She had already left you before the emails started so she did not leave you for him.

[Dewboy]

Yes it was recent and i know she did not leave me for him but I really need to know what this guy has to offer that I could not. She repeatedly told me me that I am a great guy and a great father to our daughter but if I am so GREAT then what am I missing?

 

Even if she and I are done I would like to learn from my mistakes.

 

As a side note I could be totally wrong about the situation and she may only want to be friends with him but I know that he has other ideas.

[rivercitystein]

It doesn't matter what his ideas are. It only matters what she is thinking. If you ask her about him, all you're going to do is upset her more. Now you're basically calling her a liar and telling her who she can and cannot be friends with.

[Dewboy]

I can't argue with that.....thanks for the feedback.