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Its my job; but it's making her angry?


Flux
Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)
Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)

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So, as of today I've been with my girlfriend for six months. Everything is great between us, we're madly in love with one another, we talk about everything. She's amazing, honestly amazing.

 

About 2-3 months ago, I dropped out of college and went full-time at the pub I was doing a few nights a week in, however the hours are really anti-social (it's 2am now, and I've just got home from work now). I work a mixture of days and nights, (sometimes all day and night) 5 days a week. Because of this, I've developed a bizarre sleeping pattern, and I'm constantly drained whenever I'm not working. So my days off are usually spend sleeping, and then just chilling out around the house.

 

The trouble is, when we were at college together, we would always see eachother (in between lessons, before college and during the evenings etc.). We would probably see eachother about 3-4 times a week, and would text eachother during lessons and any other times we weren't together. But since I've stopped going to college and started working obscene amounts of hours, I struggle to make time for her. We still see eachother maybe once/twice a week, and we still text, but not as much. We still text, but not enough to keep her happy. I'm not allowed my phone on me when I'm at work, company policy, so I only receive my texts on my break and I dont usually have time to reply. And by the time I've finished my shift I'm usually too exhausted to reply. So we just seem to not communicate like we used to and it makes her angry. Like if she texts me when she finishes college, I'll get the message at 11pm when I'm on a break, but not be able to reply until about 2am, so she'll reply when she gets up at 9am and i'll reply when I get up a 2pm, and then it repeats itself.

 

I know that my job is too blame for it, but it's my job, I don't have anything else going for me, even if it is a s***ty minimum wage bar job. It just seems to suck the life out of me, I don't socialise with anyone outside of my job except her, I've lost contact with all my friends and the only people I socialise with are people who I work with simply because they are the only people who are in the same boat. It's just gradually starting to suck the life out of my relationship, because I'm constantly tired and overworked and/or working! When we talk on the phone, *this* conversation will come up, and I get snappy because it's like I'm hearing the same thing over and over again, then we'll end up arguing ect. or I just can't be bothered with making conversation because I'm too tired to think.

 

I mean really, is there anything I can do? We're in a recession, there are no jobs going around the city, especially for someone with no qualifications, so I can't change job. I can't help it, but what can I do? really. Is there anyway I can keeps her happy?

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If you really care about something/one you will make time for them.

 

See her in the morning or she could come into your place of employemnt and hang out? Thatas what my friend does, she sits in her bf's bar and does homework while he works.

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If you really care about something/one you will make time for them.

 

I do, I just don't seem to be able to make enough time for her. When I see her, it's usually inbetween her lessons at college, so it's conveinient for her. It's never convenient for me though, because I have to get up early, and when I have a day off, she'll be at college or have prior arrangements ect.

 

As for her hanging out at my work, it's not an option, because noone at my work knows we're in a relationship, they all think I'm with a guy, so it's just awkward. She does come there every now and then, and it's great, because I know it makes her happy and it gives me a pleasant distraction from work

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The only thing I can suggest to do is reassure her that this will only be temporary [ if that is infact the case ]. And maybe make a special day each week where she gets to pick something fun she wants to do with you. And just try your absolute hardest to see her several times a week on top of that.

Also, would you ever consider moving in with her?

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The only thing I can suggest to do is reassure her that this will only be temporary [ if that is infact the case ]. And maybe make a special day each week where she gets to pick something fun she wants to do with you. And just try your absolute hardest to see her several times a week on top of that.

Also, would you ever consider moving in with her?

 

Thanks, I could probably try that and it would work, or at least make her think its working.

 

I would consider moving in with her, but it's not possible, we both live with our parents and it's not financially viable for us to get our own place.

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She needs to be understanding if she wants to remain in this relationship.

 

Jobs are a part of life, they aren't always perfect and sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do.

 

I had my shares of frustration with my partner. He was a bouncer at a nite club for quite some time, and that was mainly thursday through saturday evenings. Even now...I work 8-4 and he works 4-11 at a different job.

 

We're lucky to get two evenings a week to ourselves.

 

But the fact of the matter was, we wanted to be together and finding the time for each other was doable. We both sacrificed ALOT, we both went without sleep by either me staying up late or him getting up early.

Finding the balance was never a problem.

 

She needs to be a little more understanding and supportive, especially if this is what you need to do for the time being. Times are tough and you need money. If this isn't permanent, she has to understand that.

 

Both people need to make the efforts here, its not all on you. It's not about 'keeping her happy' its compromising and communicating and working through this together.

 

Have you sat down and talked to her about this, flat out. Explained it, tried figuring out schedules..taking the time at the beginning of the week to put aside some time and still make special time for each other by going over your schedules.

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