Ladies...The Transition

[Roberto34]

Ladies, I was wondering what goes through your head when you're in a relationship, and you're thinking about getting out of it?

 

When someone else catches your eye, and there is a feeling of mutual attraction between you and the new guy is what I mean. What do you think?

 

What do you wonder? Are you waiting for "sure" signs of interest in the other guy? What makes you want to get out of the current situation in the 1st place?

 

I know it'll vary between the individuals here, but I'm looking for all responses with this one.

 

I've always wondered why men sometimes can't see the signs, and why women seem to know more about what they want, etc., and why they know when it's time to pursue that other guy.

 

Thank you.

[rivercitystein]

First I try to figure out why I'm having this attraction. Is it because I'm missing something in my relationship that he can offer me or is it just a physical attraction? People are going to be attracted to other people but that doesn't mean their relationship is necessary in trouble.

[Roberto34]

First I try to figure out why I'm having this attraction. Is it because I'm missing something in my relationship that he can offer me or is it just a physical attraction? People are going to be attracted to other people but that doesn't mean their relationship is necessary in trouble.

 

I appreciate this response, but I was wondering more from the women who have actually been through this before.

 

What transpired, what piqued the interest, etc.??

 

Was it just "time" for it in their minds, etc.??

[COtuner]

I wouldn't feel the urge to leave a stable, happy relationship for another guy. If the relationship is rocky (like mine is), other guys catch my eye, but I won't cheat, and I won't just dump my guy for something new. My relationship has to be over, and the guy will be aware of that.

 

My current guy (whom I am on a break from, and that's why I'm sorta looking around to see if I really am ready to move on) keeps trying to win me back, but he never ever changes. He realized that I stopped sharing things with him and stopped talking to him because I was tired of having him judge me, or criticize me, or * * * * * and whine about whatever is of interest to me. That was sign number one - withdrawing. Which is quite a feat, since he doesn't show up more than once every 6 weeks.

 

If for some strange reason, I meet someone that's like the proverbial love at first sight or something during this break (highly unlikely since I don't go anywhere but work and the gym), there might end up being the perception that I dumped him for someone else, but in reality, I fear this relationship has been over for more than a year already

[Roberto34]

Thanks, COTuner...See, this is what I meant, a relationship that was in limbo...how does the woman think, etc. You answered this nicely.

 

I appreciate the response. I hope that you can in fact find someone great for yourself. You deserve it.

[teressa]

I start feeling like I'm not getting my needs met. I ask my guy to satisfy them. I let him know that I want him to be the one to do this. If he doesn't then I look for other sources of emotional or whatever kind of support.

 

I usually break up with him when I realize that I have to get that kind of need met elsewhere. Whether it's sex or emotional connection, or...whatever-it-is, soemthing I want from a relationship that he doesn't want to give.

 

If your relationship is on thin ice you have to listen to what the other person is asking for, and try to give them what they need. If you can't or won't do that then it's not a good match.

 

 

 

(edited to add, If I am in a good and fulfilling relationship and someone else catches my eye, I do a double-take, think "that guy's hot", and then forget about it completely. Other people will always be attractive but I don't feel the need to chase or act on that feeling.)

[Roberto34]

Great answer...and I understand the fulfilling/good relationships, this is more the question about when the women is on the rocks with the guy, or have been on the rocks and eventually left a guy...I wouldn't expect a woman to leave something great for something that was unknown.

 

By the way, I have been that guy that a woman has left...I know I just wasn't up to par at the time, and she wasn't 100% satisfied in the relationship.

 

Thanks again for the response.

[COtuner]

Thanks, COTuner...See, this is what I meant, a relationship that was in limbo...how does the woman think, etc. You answered this nicely.

 

I appreciate the response. I hope that you can in fact find someone great for yourself. You deserve it.

 

Thanks. I still wish my guy would go back to being the person he was the first couple of years, but I fear that side of him wasn't real. I don't WANT to leave, but I can't live like this either It's really stressful and painful to be in limbo when you were both planning to spend the rest of your lives together and had talked marriage and such things.

[Roberto34]

Thanks. I still wish my guy would go back to being the person he was the first couple of years, but I fear that side of him wasn't real. I don't WANT to leave, but I can't live like this either It's really stressful and painful to be in limbo when you were both planning to spend the rest of your lives together and had talked marriage and such things.

 

Yeah, that's rough...I'm sure that there is definitely that guy that's gonna pique your interest one day.

[teressa]

Great answer...and I understand the fulfilling/good relationships, this is more the question about when the women is on the rocks with the guy, or have been on the rocks and eventually left a guy...I wouldn't expect a woman to leave something great for something that was unknown.

 

By the way, I have been that guy that a woman has left...I know I just wasn't up to par at the time, and she wasn't 100% satisfied in the relationship.

 

Thanks again for the response.

 

 

 

 

A lot of it is dependent on whether or not they listen to me when I ask for things. The needs not being met? That's what makes a relationship "on the rocks" usually to begin with. It's never about the toilet seat lid being up. It's about needing someone to reassure you and they're too busy, or about wanting commitments others don't want to make, or needing some alone time and not getting it...then the original relationship is "on the rocks"...

 

And she will meet those needs elsewhere.

 

That's what's in the girl's head. Usually, it's as simple as "He said I was pretty, I haven't heard that in months" or "He picked me up from work when I didn't want to walk home, I've walked home every day for weeks" or"He is really interested in ME, my guy doesn't even listen he'd rather watch TV"

 

The relationship is on the rocks because someone has needs that don't get met. The fights start because it's a bad match. And then...third person walks in who can meet those needs.

 

Not saying the "other guy" can meet all the needs, but the one that is most hungry at the time.

[Roberto34]

Wow, again, great response...Are you currently in this situation? Or do you just have lots of experience with this?? Are guys just that dumb?? I know I was at one point...

[COtuner]

With you, teressa.... the bond dissipates and the common courtesies and little things that made you be a couple.

[anggrace]

It's never had anything to do with someone else catching my eye. If Im with someone, Im putting everything in to the one person.

 

For me, it's always been a slow process of me coming to terms with the fact that my efforts were not going to change anything or that the bad had been out-weighing the good for far too long. I never just fell out of love. I just gave up.

[COtuner]

I'm not strong enough to just give up... that's why I'm struggling right now. It's hard to realize that two people may love each other but simply can't share their lives. At least with the heart... the brain reads statistics and ENA and books and things.