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He went cold after first date..What happened?


Princess_Jade

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Ok I've been talking with this guy who I met on a dating site for about a month who lives in my area. For the first month we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. He seemed to be a very interesting guy. He was calling me all the time and telling me that he was starting to develop feelings for me & that he wanted to take me out to a concert and do all of these things with me. Ironically I was starting to like him. Bad mistake because we didn't really meet yet. I found it really odd however that he wanted to take a trip with me or meet me at a hotel, so we can get to know one another. I wasn't really feeling that and I told him & he was fine with it. Why go on a trip with someone you barely know? Plus the hotel thing was implying me that he wanted sex but he claims it wasn't about that... hmmm..

 

So we decided to go on a date a couple of weeks ago where we first met each other in person.We decided to meet at local movie theater. I thought the date went fine. He seemed to be really into me. During the movie he even pulled me closer to him and he put his arm around me & we were hugging in an embrace. We kissed about three times that night. He kissed me twice in the movie theater. Then as he dropped me off he gave me a kiss good night. I thought everything went well. He even sent a text saying that he enjoyed our night out and hope we can do it again.

 

Ever since that night he's become distant. He claims that he's been really stressed with personal issues and that his work schedule changed. He doesn't call me like he used to anymore. I always find myself calling him.He never ignores my calls.. he always answers and we still talk and have great conversations. But it seems more like a friendship thing now. I asked him about what was going on with him & he said he was confused about some things he didn't elaborate on. I suggest going out on more dates and he seems to make excuses as to him not being able to make them. He always claims he has to go to work or do something. I'm beginning to feel like it's over which sucks because I was really taking a liking to him and when I ask him about us, he can never give me a straight answer which confuses me and which I hate.

 

I don't think he's into me anymore... What happened? I'm just a little sad and confused about that. Why did he suddenly go from hot to cold?

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Sorry to break this to you but it clearly appears that after he met you on that first date he sees you only as friendship material. Reason why he gave you those kisses and still answers your calls is because of the small emotional attachment he developmed before meeting you so he feels that he owes you something and can't let you down just like that. I can bet that he probably feels bad that he doesnt feel it for you like he use to after meeting you and doesnt know how to break it to you, thats exactly why youre getting the friendship vibe. I would move on

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Aww this sucks.. I basically knew the answer.. I was really liking him too. I'm worried that he found someone that he clicks with better than me.. I'm a little sad about it..

 

I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear...but, as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You'll find one that will want to take you out, one that you won't have to call just to talk (because HE will call YOU).

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Aww this sucks.. I basically knew the answer.. I was really liking him too. I'm worried that he found someone that he clicks with better than me.. I'm a little sad about it..

 

It happens with on line dating. Who knows...you may meet someone someday and then meet someone you connect better with.

 

But he should be honest with you if this indeed is the case.

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I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear...but, as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You'll find one that will want to take you out, one that you won't have to call just to talk (because HE will call YOU).

 

My problem is it's so hard to find someone I feel a connection with. The last relationship I had with someone was back in 2006. For the first time in a long time I was really liking this guy and I felt so happy. He was the only guy who had a charming personality and can make me laugh, he was intelligent. I know there's someone out there for me but I rarely find people I click with. I fear it may be a long time before I can find another guy that can capture me

 

I need to erase his number. Sometimes I call just to hear his voice and it hurts that he he doesn't even think about me enough to pick up a phone and call. Sometimes he calls and texts me but it's very rare. The last couple of times I've called. I can tell that he's getting a little annoyed with me. We talk very briefly for a couple of minutes and then he quickly gets off the phone with me..

 

This was a blow to my self esteem.. I mean what was it about me that he didn't like? Was I unattractive, not interesting enough? I've been on a couple of dates before and this has happened. What's wrong with me? Why can't I ever be special enough for a guy to like me? I feel like crying honestly..

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Yeah, it's best not to invest a lot of time talking to someone for a month with online dating because this happens a lot. you may click on the phone or on a chat, but not in person, and the only way to find that out is to meet up.

 

Lots of times too the person is talking to several people at once, then meets one they click better with, then tapers off the others.

 

So next time just meet up with them sooner to screen out situations like this.

 

But also VERY wise to not meet someone you met online at a hotel... lots of married guys cheat online and lie about their status and just want a quick hookup then disappear.

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Yeah, it's best not to invest a lot of time talking to someone for a month with online dating because this happens a lot. you may click on the phone or on a chat, but not in person, and the only way to find that out is to meet up.

 

Lots of times too the person is talking to several people at once, then meets one they click better with, then tapers off the others.

 

So next time just meet up with them sooner to screen out situations like this.

 

But also VERY wise to not meet someone you met online at a hotel... lots of married guys cheat online and lie about their status and just want a quick hookup then disappear.

 

Online dating is obviously not for me. If I have to be single for the rest of my life I guess that's just how it has to be. I never seem to get attention from guys in real life and I'm virtually invisible to people. I live a fairly lonely life and I just wish I could find someone that makes me feel whole & complete..

 

What's weird is I don't understand how I developed feelings for this guy so quickly. I guess in my own little fantasy I was hoping for this miracle.

 

I keep having mental pictures about him finding someone else and dating them and it hurts like hell...

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Sorry He's just not that into you (god I feel cliched saying that now)... but if he was, he WOULD call you, he WOULD want to take you out...His emotional distance is telling me he just didn't feel the spark.

 

yes, i agree............

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Get back on the dating site and start looking for those other fish in the sea!

 

I would but most of my experiences on those dating sites always turns out sour. I mainly run into guys who only want to sleep with me or just like this guy, lose interest in me..

 

I don't think I could take another disappointment.. Not now..

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I would but most of my experiences on those dating sites always turns out sour. I mainly run into guys who only want to sleep with me or just like this guy, lose interest in me..

 

I don't think I could take another disappointment.. Not now..

 

Well, give yourself some time to heal. Hopefully you will feel differently and will give it another chance.

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This was a blow to my self esteem.. I mean what was it about me that he didn't like? Was I unattractive, not interesting enough? I've been on a couple of dates before and this has happened. What's wrong with me? Why can't I ever be special enough for a guy to like me? I feel like crying honestly..

 

Aww hun, I can TOTALLY relate - it happens to me all the time. It sucks and it does make you start to doubt yourself.. but please try not to. This whole "spark" on the first date thing is a mystery to me.. I mean I have only felt a spark with a guy on first sight once or twice, I don't judge so quickly.. but apparently some people do, they expect all or nothing straight away - it's often got nothing to do with how you look, how interesting you are, etc, it's just this weird chemistry thing.

 

If it's any consolation, this happens to me all the time. I have never met a guy who I like, who liked me back with the same intensity.

 

Chin up, it will happen eventually, I truly believe that!

 

As for online dating - I think this phenomena of "all or nothing sparks" is more common online. I feel a lot of people online are looking for unattainable things - hence the reason many of them are trowling the online sites for so long and remain single. I do online dating, so I'm not saying all people on there are unrealistic and unreasonable.. but a lot of them are. The guys who rejected me, were often online for months, if not years, after they so flippantly decided I wasn't worth a second date, and that tells me that NO ONE ever reached their standards. This to me this gave a message that it was these guys who were a bit warped, and troubled, not me... They had such impossible expectations of sparks and chemistry that no one ever reached and hence they remain single and will do so for a long time... (p.s. this is not an attack of men online, there are women like this too!)

 

Ammy

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It happens, people lose interest suddenly for many reasons, and it's bets to just not take it personally or spend too much time trying to analyze it.

 

Like BSBH said, I don't think you should spend so much time talking on the phone before you actually meet up. People often do not click in person.

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I would but most of my experiences on those dating sites always turns out sour. I mainly run into guys who only want to sleep with me or just like this guy, lose interest in me..

 

I don't think I could take another disappointment.. Not now..

 

the answer is simple, do not invest any time or emotion on anyone you find online BEFORE you meet them. MEET THEM EARLY!!!! i always try to setup dates very quickly so i don't 'waste' my time IM'm, emails, phone, or text. All those forms of communication is a terrible indicator of how someone really is.

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I'm so mad at myself for taking a liking to this guy so quickly... At first I wasn't liking him. He was calling me everyday and he was so charming,funny and caring I fell for it. Then boom, he just quickly went cold.

 

Now I have to sit here and try to get over him.. Today I was tempting to call him but I'm stopping myself from doing that. I know I should delete his number but I'm struggling with doing that.

 

Why did I take a liking to him so quickly?

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You really have to NOT give in to these fantasy relationships that OLD can create.

 

You manifested something because its what you WANT in your life - a relationship.

 

Next time, keep the initial interaction short, set up a date, and then go from there.

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When He's Blowing Hot and Cold
When He's Blowing Hot and Cold

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