Jump to content

5 year age gap, advice please?


kapowkristen

Recommended Posts

Hi, i'm going to keep as much personal information as i can private. I'll tell you what's going on though, and if you need to ask any other questions, just ask.

Well, I'm 15 years old. And a couple weeks ago i met a guy whom is 20 years old. My mind has devoloped fast considering i have lived with people that are all at least 5 years older than me (my family). I look like i'm 18. Most people think i am, and ask me what collage i go to and such. Anyways, last night we went on a date for the first time. My parents wanted to know about the guy before i went. I told them a little about him, but i also told them he is 18. They had to problem with it, and let me go. Things went very well last night, and we want to continue seeing each other. But, there is a huge burden on our backs about lying to my parents about his age. We really want to be together and know things will work out between us. We want to tell my parents about his age. I'm trying to figure out what best way to tell them. I was thinking something like 'Okay. So, [his name] and i would really like to continue seeing each other, but we have both been talking alot lately about this and just want to be honest with you guys. He graduated in 2007, which means he is 20 years old. I don't want to have you guys say anything to be, until you have let this have time to sink in. Don't make a rash decision, im going upstairs, talk about it for a while, then call me back down and we can talk about this.' How does that sound?

If that's not a good idea, do you have any suggestions?

Should it just be me that tells them, or should i have him there too?

What's the best way?

Thank you very much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think, wherever you live, he runs the risk of going to prison if things progress between you.

 

You know what would really show your maturity? If you could make the decision for both of you to end things because of the long-term risk to this guy's life if he continues to date you.

 

Whereabouts to you live? If you're in the UK, it's 16, in the US, I understand it's 18.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Honey Pumpkin. The fact that you lied to your parents shows that you know they would be very upset. Looking 18 is not the same as actually BEING 18...you are a minor regardless how you look. Does this guy actually know you are 15 or is he under the impression that you are 18?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you know you're parents would not approve then I wouldn't recommend that you continue to see him. It could get him into a lot of trouble. It sounds like you don't know how your folks would react so I think that is reason enough to not continue seeing him. It sounds like you've only been on one date according to your post. Best to not continue and avoid the risk of things going bad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He could be classified as a sexual predator.

That's kinda a big jump. I dated a guy 5 years older than me for a long time (I was 16 when we started going out). He was the nicest person (far from a predator) and we got along great. We just broke though. The reason: age difference. We're at different places in our lives and it wasn't going to work out in the long run.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes, this guy DOES know i am 15. We are VERY aware that there are risks of legal things. But we are willing to chance that. He knows what could happen, but we will both be very cautious and both have talked about wanting a long relationship, as i get older, things won't be as difficult. He's attracted to me for me, he knows im 15, and he knows about my parents, he knows everything. So, there is no dishonesty between he and i.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And I'm pretty sure my parents response would be that they would want to talk to us both, and tell us that there are rules to this sort of thing. And they would also want to know where we are when we are together. And to just be careful. They would also most likly want to talk to him about his intensions. (which he has already told me, and they are the right intentions)

The only reason i am asking you guys is because i'm not sure how to approch the situation. He thinks it would be a good idea to just come over to my house and be sitting by me, and just lay down the whole story. We want to be honest with them because we know this relationship is going somewhere.

 

And about the sex thing, he and i have talked about it. We think it would be best to wait until im 16 (consentual age). We also agreed to take it slowly and take our time, let it grow into something beautiful.

 

Don't tell me to break up with him, just give me advice on the actual relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry, I can't give you advice on the actual relationship because what both of you are doing is very foolish..and this man lacks a lot of wisdom to be getting himself involved with a 15 year old. All it takes is someone who sees you together and they can report it....by insisting on this you can also end up putting your parents at risk for questioning by authorities, humiliation and condemnation from their friends and work colleagues. You just met this guy a couple of weeks ago...you hardly know him...the fact that he is willing to throw caution to the wind knowing that what his is doing is not legal is more troubling than flattering. Part of being mature is being responsible...he is not mature even though he is an adult, because he is not responsible....and a mature 15 year old would not put themselves in the position you are currently putting yourself in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, why don't you wait until you're 16 before you start seeing each other? If 16 is the legal age of consent, why not just wait?

 

You could talk it through with your mum and dad, see what they say, be totally honest.

 

I would honestly recommend that you spend the next year apart. I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think although it's only five years, the five years between 15 and 20 is MASSIVE, more so than it ever will be again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you are going to abstain until you're 16 and tell your parents knowing that they will most likely approve then I think that is a step in the right direction. You are still facing a big age difference just like the one of your previous relationship. Those same issues are still going to be there. He's actually risking more than you, as he is the one who could be potentially prosecuted. These are important things to keep in mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm a bit worried as to why a 20 yr old man would be interested in dating a 15 yr old girl. You may be extremely mature but the man should know better. He could be classified as a sexual predator.

 

I started dating my boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 21. We get along great and have alot in common despite the 5 year difference. Sure we are at different points in our life, but we knew it would be like that when we started dating and found ways to deal with it. And give guys some credit, they are not all scumbag sexual predators... I've been with my bf over a year and we still haven't had sex. I told him I wasn't ready and he accepted that and said he would wait. As long as this guy isn't a bad influence on her I don't see why she shouldn't date him.

 

And as for lying about his age, I'd say that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do cause if later on down the road things get more serious between you guys, eventually your parents will find out his real age and probably be even more upset that you lied to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The fact that you are lying about his age is problematic. It is better to just come out with it. Yes, both of you together to speak to your parents sounds good. I really don't know why the other posters are rejecting to this union, as a fifteen year old is considered a woman in many parts of the world. Furthermore, the older male younger female matchup is expected by evolution.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...