New to dating, feeling very strange.

[coldplay.]

I posted a few days back, but promptly deleted because i think i was a little embarrassed about how clueless i was about it all and how i was feeling.

 

I look at it now and the last time i had actually dated someone was in the middle of highschool at some point, the entire point there after until now i had just hung out and soon after got into relationships.

 

So getting back into dating about 8 months after my last relationship i meet a girl that actually really interests me. Keep in mind it was off a dating site, but regardless we talk and get along really well and a few days later decide to meet up. She suggests a movie, so i accept, i end up running late from getting ready and losing track of time. I arrived about 3 mins after the start time, still in the previews and stuff. But the show was basically sold out and we didnt get to talk at all.

 

She was visibally nervous, she was married young and divorced about a year ago and was starting to date. The whole nine yards i guess, the nervous bad breath which didnt bother me, crossed arms, ect. We did talk a little through out the movie but nothing that could be called a conversation, about half way through i decided to break the ice a little and hold her hand. I was nervous too, but wasnt choking up or anything. Anyways the movie ended, i told her i felt really bad about being late and that i wanted to take her out for a drink or something to make up for it, like as in right now, but she has kids and needed to get back to them, as well as taking one to karate the next morning (it was like midnight at that point) so we hugged and left. I told her id call her or something to that effect.

 

I didnt feel comfortable attempting to kiss her because we really didnt get to talk just basically sit next to eachother and hold hands for 30 mins. So then after that i just left.

 

Now heres the crazy things, after knowing someone for 3 days and meeting them once why do i feel so anxious, or some kind of thing i cant describe. I mean i did enjoy talking to her, there was 'chemistry' and she was gorgeous, like pretty much what i look for in a women. And the whole kids thing didnt bother me which is usually a nono in virtually every other case ive looked at.

 

I mean would that classify as a bad date? I know i was late and im so pissed at myself for doing that, and going to a movie as a first date is just not a good idea.

 

Well the next day in the after noon i text her, because for the past 3 days we had been talking intermittently all day. So i thought to myself why should today be any different. I tried breaking into a little debriefing because i really wasnt sure what she was thinking about it, but the conversation never took off.

 

I think the last thing i text to her was something like how i wish we had gone on that hike (which we originally wanted to do) today because it was so beautiful out. No response.

 

Now i really dont know what my next move is. I mean i did say id call her, and i do know the date didnt go great, but in all reality i saw alot of potential. But the sudden silence is making me wonder. I dont want to just call her and be like "ok did i ruin it" or something like that, but if i did i want to know what i did wrong so i can learn from it. Or am i just being completely insane and should just chill out. I just really dont know, i dont have any experience in something like this. I dont even know why i feel so strongly about it.

[waveseer]

If you like her, call her and ask her out again right away.

[Honey Pumpkin]

How long ago since you texted her? It could just be as simple as the fact that she's at home doing things with the children all weekend, and she's busy.

 

I think it sounded like an okay date; why don't you give her a ring tonight (Sunday evening) to make a date for next week at some point? If you both like each other, set up a time and place.

 

Good luck.

[coldplay.]

How long ago since you texted her? It could just be as simple as the fact that she's at home doing things with the children all weekend, and she's busy.

 

I think it sounded like an okay date; why don't you give her a ring tonight (Sunday evening) to make a date for next week at some point? If you both like each other, set up a time and place.

 

Good luck.

 

I totally agree, thats why im trying not to go off the proverbial deep end.

 

I think i also have illegitimate fears as a guy, like along with being new to dating im also new to the idea of multiple guys or girls. Ive always been exclusive, even in my interests. I think there has only been one time ive been interested in multiple women.

 

Would that just be like a text book definition of a crush? i dont know, but when multiple guys are gunning for attention of a lady i for some reason dont rise to the occasion. Oddly unless its between one of my friends.

 

but anyways it seems that it sort of turns me off and i inevitably lose interest, and they lose interest and thats that. Any tips on that?

 

But if it means anything at all i was the first person she contacted after making her profile, and subsiquent date, since then her profile has caught the attention of everyone else, setting myself apart is now the goal i guess.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I totally agree, thats why im trying not to go off the proverbial deep end.

 

I think i also have illegitimate fears as a guy, like along with being new to dating im also new to the idea of multiple guys or girls. Ive always been exclusive, even in my interests. I think there has only been one time ive been interested in multiple women.

 

Would that just be like a text book definition of a crush? i dont know, but when multiple guys are gunning for attention of a lady i for some reason dont rise to the occasion. Oddly unless its between one of my friends.

 

but anyways it seems that it sort of turns me off and i inevitably lose interest, and they lose interest and thats that. Any tips on that?

 

Try not to over-think it. Dating is meant to be fun, you know! Call her up, ask her out, see how it goes. You had a nice first date, call her up, suggest something in the week that's a nice second date, that will involve chatting and hanging out, and remember - you like her, you've had a date, you've held hands, she obviously likes you; follow up!

 

Good luck.

[dostal_m]

your nervous becuase you really do like her, and your afraid of making a mistake and messing things up.. because you havnt really dated much your still going through the high school stage... of being unsure of yourself... so... call her back, honestly what could go wrong, as her out for coffee or tea, and talk to her and get to know her some more. Just dont be shy because i'll bet she's jsut as nervous as you are

[coldplay.]

your nervous becuase you really do like her, and your afraid of making a mistake and messing things up.. because you havnt really dated much your still going through the high school stage... of being unsure of yourself... so... call her back, honestly what could go wrong, as her out for coffee or tea, and talk to her and get to know her some more. Just dont be shy because i'll bet she's jsut as nervous as you are

 

So like, chances are she hasnt been in contact is because she is nervous too? Not because i ruined it or what not.... If the date went as i described, chances are shes asking herself the same questions i am.

 

Heres another question then, when a date DID go bad and you did not want a second, what happened? And how did you deal with that person subsequently after the fact.

[servedcold]

but she has kids

 

Why on earth would a 21 y.o. man ever consider saddling himself with a woman near his age who already has one kid, let alone kid -s-? You say that this issue has been a non-starter in the past, what's different about this one?

 

Please don't let intoxicating beauty cause you to make a huge logistical error, there are so many women who haven't been married yet out there, and especially don't have kids already. Unless of course, for some reason, finding a woman with kids already is a goal of yours because you are quite sure, at 21, that you never want to have your own.

 

For the future in online dating, cutting down the communication before meeting is an excellent way to avoid building false intimacy and some sense of obligation.

[coldplay.]

Why on earth would a 21 y.o. man ever consider saddling himself with a woman near his age who already has one kid, let alone kid -s-? You say that this issue has been a non-starter in the past, what's different about this one?

 

Please don't let intoxicating beauty cause you to make a huge logistical error, there are so many women who haven't been married yet out there, and especially don't have kids already. Unless of course, for some reason, finding a woman with kids already is a goal of yours because you are quite sure, at 21, that you never want to have your own.

 

For the future in online dating, cutting down the communication before meeting is an excellent way to avoid building false intimacy and some sense of obligation.

 

In all honesty ive thought about it from that prospective, and i want to be open with who i date, ill take it one step at a time until it becomes an issue. Basically, im not even looking at the kids thing because im not looking long term. If a girl that i find attractive, and engaging wants to date me, cool. If it works out or not, also cool.

 

The difference in the past had been the skank factor, most girls with kids my age got knocked up and were often than not trashy.

 

But i suppose your right, there really is no future to it, then let it be a learning experience because i am sorely lacking.

[servedcold]

Eh, you have a great attitude about dating, much better than mine at your age. You will do fine, just be careful.

[Sparkie]

Mate

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. I've got 20 years on you, and have just started dating again in the true sense. Met someone from scratch, hit it off, and can be pretty certain she's smitten. All the signs are there.

 

But, I am still capable of seeing a missed call, or her being preoccupied with something else, as a negative to me. It most likely isn't.

 

I think it is nothing more than when you actually like someone, it means more to you, so you want it to go well. And minor things therefore become a bit bigger.

 

Try and relax, give her a call, and see what happens.

[coldplay.]

Yes you were all correct, called everything is cool.

 

anxiety instantly dispelled, turns out shes probably bat sh*t crazy, but i dont really care i need something to mix things up lol.