I'm absolutely pathetic

[ApocalypseDreams]

i'm absolutely crushed right now. my best friend has told me how embarrassing i am around people and how she has to apologise for me to people because im so shy and awkward. ive been seeing a physcologist for low self esteem issues and depression and i thought id made some progress this last week. i actually had conversations with people (one being a girl i like) and made eye contact. but its pathetic isnt it. its something ordinary people can do but because im so * * * * ed up looking at it like its progress when its absolutely pathetic.

 

i feel like im ruined. why cant i just be like everyone else and just be capable of ordinary things like everyone else? i was so proud of myself for the progress i had made but it obviously wasnt as special as i thought it was. i cant deal with this anymore. all i do is make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. everyone would be better off without me. i want to escape this.

[Dragunov-21]

I've been there - still am, to a certain extent, and I know how hard it is to make that step if you're shy/socially awkward to start with.

 

You find things difficult that others don't, but that's not something you can do anything about.

 

What you can do is push yourself to keep trying, and it sounds like you're gradually getting there. There's no shame in it.

 

Your friend doesn't understand how difficult it is because to her, socialising seems like the most natural thing in the world.

 

Tell her not to make apologies, because she shouldn't be doing it - if you're in a group and not talking, you're being a little quiet, but you know what? You're not an embarrassment as long as you're not saying stupid things lol.

 

Just out of interest, when you're in a group of people talking - friends, I mean, what do you do, and what's going through your head?

[Laniez]

You should find a bunch of other awkward people to hang out with. You shouldn't be friends with people who tell you that you're embarrassing. What do you like to do?

[ApocalypseDreams]

Dragunov - thats exactly right. people don't appreciate how hard things are for certain people.

 

Laniez - i'd like to answer that question but i've found my depression has led me to not enjoy anything nowadays. i used to be really passionate about the environment and nature but that passion is now gone.

[tergiversate]

there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. the messed up person here is your friend (and you might want to reconsider calling her that), who feels like she has the right to criticize your behavior. especially when that behavior-- being very shy-- negatively impacts no one but yourself. other people aren't offended by shyness, it's the timid person for whom it's hard. you say you make people feel uncomfortable, but it sounds like the problem is that other people make you feel uncomfortable. I mean, think about the stereotypical person that bothers others: loud, obnoxious, insensitive. that's not how you describe yourself.

 

I really want you to feel better about this, because I have social anxiety disorder, and it sounds like that's something like what you're dealing with. if you've talked with a girl you like, you HAVE made progress, and that is something to be incredibly proud of. it isn't pathetic AT ALL. having social anxiety means you are far tougher and more courageous than any of the outgoing people around you. it takes enormous strength for you to do something other people take for granted, and that's not sad, that's a testament to how hard you're working to achieve what you want.

 

I know from experience that it is so hard to deal with and overcome anxiety problems, and it's even harder to recognize the progress you're making when every little encounter is still such an ordeal. but you CAN get better at doing the things that intimidate you, and it sounds like you're really making progress. I'm still dealing with my social anxiety every day, and it's hard, but I know that I've come a long way in a few years. and it means that for me, walking away from a casual encounter that would leave other people feeling indifferent, I feel exhilarated and triumphant. and in situations that would make anyone nervous, I'm noticeably better than others around me at staying cool, because I've had so much practice dealing with anxiety.

 

my advice (aside from that enormous speech I just typed...) is to talk to your friend, and explain what it feels like to deal with shyness and panic. people who don't feel social anxiety can be really hurtful, just because they honestly don't understand how difficult little things like making a phone call can be. tell her how hard these things are for you, and how hard you're working to get better. explain why her remark (which, like I said, was totally uncalled for on her part) was so hurtful and damaging. if she's your best friend, she should understand. and really, please feel proud of your progress, because it's awesome, and you can keep improving.

[Dragunov-21]

Dragunov - thats exactly right. people don't appreciate how hard things are for certain people.

 

Unfortunately, it's not something you're gonna get any recognition for...

 

The thing that helps more than anything else is inding a group you're comfortable in... Unfortunately, since my friends all moved for uni, I'm still trying to figure out how to do that.

 

How old are you?

 

And just out of interest, does the name "hugrass" ring a bell? A you just have the same name as a friend's cousin is all...

[Laniez]

Laniez - i'd like to answer that question but i've found my depression has led me to not enjoy anything nowadays. i used to be really passionate about the environment and nature but that passion is now gone.

 

I think finding a passion in something and then meeting people with that same passion will be a huge help for you. It will give you something specific to talk about so you don't have to fight to come up with a topic and can work on other areas of discomfort. Plus being active (joining a club, doing volunteer work, getting a job you feel good about) will most likely help boost your self-esteem. You are not pathetic. Don't forget that!

[Firehawk13]

I think you should really try to find a friend who will open you up emotionally.

 

I am a very outgoing person, and for some reason I tend to gravitate towards shy people. I really love being around people who are socially inept, shy, you name it. I get some kind of weird pleasure out of befriending these people. Maybe it's because they give such pure affection to anyone who reaches out to them because they have so few friends.

 

Try to find a friend who cares about you! You'd be surprised how much it'll boost your self-confidence and help you with shyness. Trying to befriend other shy people, or someone who seems genuinely friendly is a good bet.

[dr_styles]

I don't know the situation exactly not being in it, but I'll go against the grain here and say it's not too bad having someone say stuff like that. Like it gives you a little leeway if you really are that shy and stuff. The image I have in my head is the sort of friend who tells a girl you like, "he likes you but he's really shy" (not saying your specific case here).

 

And look I'm in that whole deal now with struggling with quite simple things and it's quite normal to think how pathetic I/we are when everyone else does it naturally. Just look up threads/posts by myself, iwishiknew, MD Geist, etc. and you'll see.

The only thing I can suggest is to not diss your own progress too much. Yes you have just managed to do something which everyone can do normally - that is still good progress. It's the progress and momentum, not what you actually achieved. Using myself again, I would consider it nice progress if I started getting some positive signs, eye-contact, smiles, whatever, from a girl. That's right, even just that. And I know it's pathetic that something like that would make my day, heck my whole week, but it's enough to keep me going - it only gets pathetic when you go around announcing it as your achievement or something. Then you really will get compared and put down.

[ApocalypseDreams]

Unfortunately, it's not something you're gonna get any recognition for...

 

The thing that helps more than anything else is inding a group you're comfortable in... Unfortunately, since my friends all moved for uni, I'm still trying to figure out how to do that.

 

How old are you?

 

And just out of interest, does the name "hugrass" ring a bell? A you just have the same name as a friend's cousin is all...

 

Hey thanks.

 

I'm 21 by the way and no i'm not familiar with the name "hugrass".

 

That sucks. Its really hard to find a new group of freinds when your suffering from this sorta thing. I feel really isolated from everyone at the moment and I cant help but think its my fault. I feel like i've been so draining on friends that they've all ditched me. I've lost my best friend today and I'm absolutely gutted. Crushed by the way she's just turned on me. I don't feel like i can continue on without her. We've shared so much in the last year. I've * * * * ed up majorly. I wish i didn't have anything wrong wtih me.

 

The thing that pisses me off is she is acting like i have a choice at this point in time of being awkward, self conscious and extremely shy. Like I enjoy it.

 

I'm 21 by the way and no i'm not familiar with the name "hugrass".

[ApocalypseDreams]

I think you should really try to find a friend who will open you up emotionally.

 

I am a very outgoing person, and for some reason I tend to gravitate towards shy people. I really love being around people who are socially inept, shy, you name it. I get some kind of weird pleasure out of befriending these people. Maybe it's because they give such pure affection to anyone who reaches out to them because they have so few friends.

 

Try to find a friend who cares about you! You'd be surprised how much it'll boost your self-confidence and help you with shyness. Trying to befriend other shy people, or someone who seems genuinely friendly is a good bet.

 

This friend did care about me. She used to boost my self esteem and shyness and offer me alot of encouragement. Then she said that she needed to start taking a hard line on me and that was okay while i wasn't trying to sort myself out but when you are making an effort and she is still not giving encouragement then I don't think it helps.