forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 As some of you may know, I've been dating my boyfriend for awhile now and he has this crazy exgf. This is the same one he made "dinner" for, and who texted me using his phone during one of his games saying that we werent going out. So its VERY obvious that she still has feelings for him and wants to sabotage the relationship me and my bf have. Well today was the last straw for me. After work I go to look at my phone and theres a text saying "are we still going out?" to which I reply "of course babe, why would you even have to ask that?" and this is what I get back.. "I'm dating [ex]. I have been for the last 5 years. I'm sorry. It just made work easier. I'm a jerk. I'm so sorry" I immediately called him. No answer. But I get a text back right after that. So I replied with "that's fine, but i need to hear it from you to believe it" My logic being that this type of stuff has happened before so the only way I'm going to know its him and that he's for real about it is to hear him say those words to me. Still no call back from though. I decided to respond to the texts again which have pretty much all been the same, saying that "I thought you knew we were more than just friends" and "It's not fair to you or her that I keep doing this" blah blah blah AT this point my game is about to start, so I just dont respond. After the game I text him asking him what time the wedding is at (he is going to a friends wedding tonight) and he tells me that it's not till 6. I thought it was earlier and thats why he couldnt talk for some reason, idk. So I text him saying "then why the hell cant you call me" and he tells me that he has no idea what I'm talking about and didnt know I even called. My head is spinning at this point. I tell him "Dont play dumb! About you dating [ex] this whole effing time". I try to call him again. No answer, but its obvious he has his phone with him... he's still texting me! He proceeds to tell me that is he at lunch with his parents but does know that [ex] and his roommates gf were at his house today and when he got his phone back his whole inbox and outbox were delete.. Still havent talked to on the phone at this point, which is annoying the hell out of me. There is no way texting is the best way to go about this! I guess I want your thoughts on what to do? do i believe him? or not? There are some toher parts of the story that just dont add up, but this post already feels really long lol I told him that it's getting to the point where he needs to choose her or me cuase I'm not gonna put up this anymore. He keeps telling me there is nothing going on between them, but i'm having doubts now... Ahh idk what to do. Sorry if this is confusing, im just so frusterated right now... i can barely even type lol UPDATE Well i gave him his choice of me and her and he chose me lol he said that his friendship with her is no where near as important as i am to him He also yelled at her for about an hour before kicking her out of their house and telling her that she is not allowed to be there (even when his roommates gf invites her over) and hasn't spoken to her since. I cant believe i even thought there was a chance of him choosing her over me... I'm so glad he stood up for me! this is really the first time he's ever been up in a situation where he had to do that and I'm so happy he didn't let me down. THanks for all your helps guys! Link to comment
laisla Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 i'm confused. he is dating his ex while dating you??? or do you think the messages are fake??? Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 The texts I got him (or her) said that he has been dating his ex the whole time he has been dating me. I think they are a fake just cause this kind of thing has happened before, but on the otherhand he still hasnt called me so until I actually talk to him idk for sure. He made it sound like he had no clue what i was talking about and said there was absolutely nothing going on between them Link to comment
laisla Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 that's really weird of her. how did she get a hold of his phone? i can see why you'd be bothered by this. what a crazy thing to do. just wait until you can talk to him, or see him. honestly this should be a good reason for him to stop hanging out with her. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Give him an ultimatum, but do it in a respectful way. Tell him you love you him and want to be with him but that all this drama with the ex is too much to handle and he has to choose one of the following: 1) Block the ex totally and completely out of his life. He can't see her or talk to her anymore and he has to tell his roommate she is no welcome at their place. 2) You end the romantic relationship with him. If he can't let her go, then he's just not that committed to you and its not worth the grief of dealing with his ex. If you take this approach you have to be committed to following through with it, even if that means breaking up. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 i have no clue. My guess is that it probably happened when he was getting ready and showering etc. cause when he got the phone back apparently everything had been erased? But again, i havent talked to him so idk that just my guess and that's exactly what I said. The past two times stuff has happened that invoved her I just kinda brushed under the rug and trusted him when he said they were jsut friends but i'm going to tell him its either me or her. Idk how he can even stand to be around someone who treats his gf, the one he says he loves, like this. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Give him an ultimatum, but do it in a respectful way. Tell him you love you him and want to be with him but that all this drama with the ex is too much to handle and he has to choose one of the following: 1) Block the ex totally and completely out of his life. He can't see her or talk to her anymore and he has to tell his roommate she is no welcome at their place. 2) You end the romantic relationship with him. If he can't let her go, then he's just not that committed to you and its not worth the grief of dealing with his ex. If you take this approach you have to be committed to following through with it, even if that means breaking up. took the words right out of my mouth! that's exactly what im going to tell him. Link to comment
laisla Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 i have no clue. My guess is that it probably happened when he was getting ready and showering etc. cause when he got the phone back apparently everything had been erased? But again, i havent talked to him so idk that just my guess and that's exactly what I said. The past two times stuff has happened that invoved her I just kinda brushed under the rug and trusted him when he said they were jsut friends but i'm going to tell him its either me or her. Idk how he can even stand to be around someone who treats his gf, the he says he loves, like this. i agree with that. his loyalty should be with you, not her. Link to comment
Alezia Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I second the ultimatum option. Does this guy love drama overall? Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 I second the ultimatum option. Does this guy love drama overall? no, he says out of it for the most part, which is why im surprised that he even talks to this ex anymore, she has created nothing but drama for us and if i were him and an exbf were doing that i would cut him out of my life COMPLETELY and forever! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Way too many red flags here. I remember your other thread about him inviting his "ex" to dinner without even telling you. I think he's much more than just friends with his "ex." If he's not putting you as # 1 in his life, you should re-think this relationship. Take care... Link to comment
Alezia Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 If you know that he's not involved for sure (aka he never spends time with her) and she's just messing with you then I would just offer back no reaction (don't text back). If they just want to have a few laughs and giggles and you don't bite to it, they will just go do something else instead. Link to comment
Alezia Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Oh i just read the part where he made his "ex" dinner. Eurgh, I'm starting to see that he could be in this as well.... not that he is necessarily cheating on you but that he might enjoy the ego boost somewhat so is not stopping/ignoring her. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Way too many red flags here. I remember your other thread about him inviting his "ex" to dinner without even telling you. I think he's much more than just friends with his "ex." If he's not putting you as # 1 in his life, you should re-think this relationship. Take care... i actually asked him if there a FWB situation going on with her and he said no, but there are still red flags in my mind that suggest there might be and i cant wait to confront him about those! Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Give him an ultimatum, but do it in a respectful way. Tell him you love you him and want to be with him but that all this drama with the ex is too much to handle and he has to choose one of the following: 1) Block the ex totally and completely out of his life. He can't see her or talk to her anymore and he has to tell his roommate she is no welcome at their place. 2) You end the romantic relationship with him. If he can't let her go, then he's just not that committed to you and its not worth the grief of dealing with his ex. If you take this approach you have to be committed to following through with it, even if that means breaking up. i agree with this. you just have to tell him you are getting sick of this. i also agree that he should treat you with more respect and loyalty than this. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Oh i just read the part where he made his "ex" dinner. Eurgh, I'm starting to see that he could be in this as well.... not that he is necessarily cheating on you but that he might enjoy the ego boost somewhat so is not stopping/ignoring her. thats what im afraid of. I'm hoping the ultimatum will solve that though. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 well, i think putting your foot down is the right thing to do. i think there are more than enough good men out there who won't mess around with you and an ex behind your back. Link to comment
laisla Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 thats what im afraid of. I'm hoping the ultimatum will solve that though. the ultimatum may make him leave. guys don't usually take well to ultimatums. but you seriously should not be treated like this any more. hopefully he will come to his senses and stop talking to her. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 the ultimatum may make him leave. guys don't usually take well to ultimatums. but you seriously should not be treated like this any more. hopefully he will come to his senses and stop talking to her. That's what im hoping for. I really dont want to give the ultimatium if i dont have to cause there is always a possibility that he's gonna pick her over me Link to comment
laisla Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 That's what im hoping for. I really dont want to give the ultimatium if i dont have to cause there is always a possibility that he's gonna pick her over me you've been with him for over a year and if he doesn't show his loyalty to you by now then he REALLY is not worth you.... i would start off in a non-accusatory tone what you feel about all this. how she is coming in the way of your relationship. then come out with the ultimatum. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 well if he picks her, then forget him! he is her problem then. you deserve a guy who will delete all of his ex's numbers and just focus on you. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 well if he picks her, then forget him! he is her problem then. you deserve a guy who will delete all of his ex's numbers and just focus on you. easier said than done. I dont think ill ever be able to just "forget him". I wish it was that easy but i dont think it will be Link to comment
meepmeep20 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 take her picture and put it on a porn site. she'll calm down, trust me. Link to comment
forever1130 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 take her picture and put it on a porn site. she'll calm down, trust me. she's WAYYY to ugly to be on a porn site. they'd reject her instantly lol idk how my boyfriend ever dated her in the first place; he must have had realllly low standards back then lol Link to comment
laisla Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 have you been able to talk to him yet? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.