Jump to content

Furious with my son...ARRGG!!


KG

Recommended Posts

After his game tonight, ran into an old friend, who just moved back here, unknown to me. We start catching up on what's new...my son comes over...

"we leaving or what?"

 

I told him I wanted a few minutes to catch up with my buddy and his wife, he throws a fit. This friend knows my boy, and has always helped him, buying stuff from him for Scouts, or soccer, to support field trips, etc.

My son totally ignores him.

 

We get in the parking lot, he starts on me..."if you want to see your buddy, do it on your time, not mine..." This is coming from MY kid?

"I want to go home, I'm tired and need a shower, not you talking crap with your friends."

 

I asked him not to speak to me for the rest of the night...we drove home in silence. I'm so...so, disappointed in how he acted. I really don't know what to do. He has pushed the disrespect to a whole new level.

 

Lost.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tomorrow ask him if anything was bothering him because he seemed particularly irritable.

 

Let him know that you are very disappointed in the way that he acted, as well as your friends, and that he isn't to act like that again. As his parent, you decide when the 2 of you come and go.

 

For future reference, this is a GREAT book link removed

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's always more than meets the eye in a kid's bad behavior. You're right to be upset at that, but I'd like to suggest not expressing anger to him. Whatever his motives are that are under the surface, if you show anger, he'll just bury everything and not open up. Try having a sit down and ask him calmly what was bothering him. If you're receptive and understanding, he may share something with you that you hadn't thought of.

 

After you talk calmly and get some of the why's and such to the surface, then tell him you understand, but as he grows to become a man, he has to learn to handle things in a more mature way. Then set a punishment if you wish.

 

But really the most important thing is to avoid angry and harsh words. The connection you can make with your son now is worth so much and it gets a lot harder as they get older.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't get angry...just feel really disappointed and let down. Like someone sucked the wind out of me.

I asked him not to speak to me, to avoid an argument. Will deal with it tomorrow. But the disrespect has become a problem recently.

And I feel so let down that he would act this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't get angry...just feel really disappointed and let down. Like someone sucked the wind out of me.

I asked him not to speak to me, to avoid an argument. Will deal with it tomorrow. But the disrespect has become a problem recently.

And I feel so let down that he would act this way.

 

it's really good you didn't say anything harsh. my father wasn't always as controlled.

 

sorry he let you down, but i'm sure he'll learn and grow. no one can go through those years without some mistakes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

im glad you decided to be silent instead of arguing. sometimes letting your feelings subside is best till you're in the right frame of mind to talka bout it.

 

ask him tomorrow if anything was bothering him. not with attitude or blame or anger or anything. ask him out of concern and curiosity. let him be open with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

im glad you decided to be silent instead of arguing. sometimes letting your feelings subside is best till you're in the right frame of mind to talka bout it.

 

ask him tomorrow if anything was bothering him. not with attitude or blame or anger or anything. ask him out of concern and curiosity. let him be open with you.

 

That's my plan...but lately it's all about HIM. When I ask for help, he has to know " how long, when, is it going to take more than 20 minutes?"

IDK..how long to rake the front yard...it takes as long as it takes.

But it cuts into his "weekend time." Well, what about my "weekend time?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you continue to let your Son talk to you this way, then it will keep happening. You should set some boundries. As a parent, you should not have to ask for respect.

I agree, talk to him. see what's up and let him know this isn't going to be happening all the time and if it does, there will be some type of punishment involved. (it doesn't have to be anything such as a beating, but a grounding or something taken away)

Remember, you are the parent. He's the child.

 

My Son is 13 and on occasion he snaps at me and disrespects me.

When that happens, I put a stop to it immediately or as soon as it happens. We talk about it and he knows it's wrong.

 

As for needing help, I'd let your Son know that whether it's a weekend or during the week...you expect him to help you no matter how long it takes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How about the "team" approach? Since you're both sports-minded guys this might resonate with him. Coaches don't pull the whole team off the field because one player has a headache. The greater good has to be considered.

 

Also comes to mind... what (perceived) damage did your staying an extra ~ten minutes do to your son that caused him to treat you so disrespectfully? If he wanted to stay a few extra minutes to speak with a friend of his, I am sure you would have consented with boundaries (e.g., "Okay ten extra minutes and the ship leaves port"). Did you establish a boundary when he expressed wanting to go (i.e., did you give him a deadline of how long you would be speaking with your friend and stick to it, or was it left open)? With kids they get used to how you operate and if you establish deadlines and stick to them then they somehow understand that you MEAN what you SAY and you SAY what you MEAN

 

I remember when we used to go visit my grandmother we would spend an extra 1/2 hour sitting in the parking lot EVERY time while mum and nanny finished their conversation. It was their ritual, so I knew it and I expected it. Doesn't mean I liked it but anyway... it was their deal.

 

In any case I hope you speak with him about it and come to some kind of agreement on how to handle similar situations like this in the future, on both sides.

 

Blessings to you and your son, KG...

 

w

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel your pain. Daughters are just as much fun.

 

#1 You do not need to argue - Explain the way it's going to be and shut up

 

#2 He WILL do things that embarrass you. Accept that. Unless your son is VERY mature for his age, it's all about him.

 

#3 Understand you cannot change #2. You can punish him, you can make deals if you want, but the hormone flow will win more often than not.

 

#4 It WILL get better. It doesn't seem that way, but it will. Learn to laugh at it now if you value your sanity.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...