Making the relationship work?

[irja123]

Been dating the most wonderful girl I've ever met for about six months. We're in college. She's a freshman (but she's 20), and I'm a senior (21). We go to school Michigan but she's from Rhode Island. I'm moving to Michigan upon graduation next month, and she is going to paris in the fall.

 

I really would like her to stay here in MI this summer, and she has the oppurtunity too, she has a place to stay and two jobs, one of which is a flexible internship. But she is debating and leaning towards going back to Rhode Island to her previous summer job where she can save money and get ready for paris easier. Basically staying here in MI is much harder because she does not have a car and her life will be much more stressful and not as fun (though not unbarable.)

 

Here's the dilimena- we've only dated six months, and she'll be gone for eight if she goes home this summer. We'll visit but probably not much due to $$ restrictions. I'm very worried that being apart for so long will put a nail in the coffin of our relationship, which is really amazing at this point. My life and her's will be so dramatically different in Janurary that it might not be recognizable. I want her to make the decision that's best for her, which looks to be to go home, but it's not right for us.

 

Also, we've become very interdependent in these last few months, that it's going to be doubly hard starting a life without her.

 

Any advice on the matter? Should I push her to stay for us, or let her do what she needs?

[Sunny1607307996]

I think you should let her do what she needs. She'll resent you if you push her to stay when going back to RI is really what she needs to do.

 

I think that with 6 months under your belt, your relationship should be fairly solid; solid enough to withstand a little distance. If you you've become interdependent recently, some time apart may do you some good!

 

Is there a way you can find a summer job in RI?

[irja123]

I could, but I'm going to graduate in May. I want/need to be settled in Michigan, I have been planning this all through out college.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Let her go do whatever she needs to do. If you are strong enough and handle it right, you'll last. However, she could come to resent you if you hold her back in anyway.

 

As for being in an LDR, it can work. My boyfriend and I will be in an LDR for 4 years due to college with breaks for the summer.

 

I also agree with you trying out Rhode Island if that is an option.

[ChristopherF]

IMO, honesty is always the best policy.

Sit down with her, tell her that you want her to stay, but if she feels she needs to go, that you understand.

 

If she goes, thats when you set up AIM names for both of you, and make sure you chat it up on a regular basis while she's gone. At the very least you can try to keep her in the internet friend zone, and then work on getting things back to where they were before when she gets back.

 

Assuming, of course, this is what you want. If the real reason you're afraid to have her leave isn't that she'll find someone else, but that you will (hey, no judging here, if you know yourself well enough to know what will happen, thats a good thing in the long run), you might want to just end it on a high note and move on after she leaves.

 

Of course, if that "I don't want you to go" bit is the last psychological straw in tipping her over into staying, you're all set.

[fatcat1999]

it's not related to your question, but is she your gf? dated six months... that's long

[irja123]

Of course we're bf / gf