What are the signs that a guy has been hurt before

[enchanted771]

This guy was keeping me at arms length and at times when i go out seemed unsure if he is the only one i was sleeping with. i finally reasured him that i dont sleep around and he seemed happy and said the same. he is so gorgeous so i cant imagine why. but i wanted to know what the signs are if a guy has been burned.

[philove]

It sounds like he might have been cheated on in the past. I have quite recently broke up with my ex who cheated on me and I now feel like I won't be able to trust women in the same way anymore.

 

If I was you I would sit down with him and ask him exactly what you're thinking. He might open up to you and then you will be able to reassure him that you are different. Be patient with him because it might take him a long time to build trust with you.

[enchanted771]

Thanks! i recently told him that i would love it if we could spend more time together. he seemed apprehensive to initiate it, so i did.

[pinkrobot]

I briefly dated a guy once who refused to make our relationship official, yet he always worried that I was sleeping around as well (which I wasn't). I later came to find out the reason he didn't want to committ to me was he'd been hurt very recently, and he was afraid of going through it again. So the fact that he's worried about it could be a sign he's been hurt.

[enchanted771]

So what do i do then? i have already reassured him.

[pinkrobot]

So what do i do then? i have already reassured him.

 

Hard to say. In my situation, it didn't matter what I said, nothing convinced him. So ultimately, we ended up breaking things off and just remaining friends.

 

Have you tried talking to him about what makes him feel that way? It's okay to come out and say, "I notice you seem uncomfortable about some things, is there a reason you feel that way? And what can I do to help our situation?" Communication is the key.

[enchanted771]

I will have to talk to him about it. but he does it with lol sometimes to hide how he really feels i suppose.

[ChasingClocks]

If he's distant to you. If he's hesitant to open up. If he's obviously interested in you, but is pushing you away at the same time. If he gets very jealous

[lucky7]

Some signs are:

 

- He closes himself up to you

- Not wanting to tell you much about him, or his feelings

- Not wanting to talk about the past, because it is too painful

- He doesn't like mentioning about his ex-girlfriend

- When on the topic of cheating, he gets angry, or annoyed

- A distant person.... not wanting to be in another committed relationship, as he fears that history will repeats itself

[doc wannabe]

I've kind of been on the opposite end of this. I was cheated on A LOT by multiple girls. I just made REALLY poor choices. My fiancee has to be really patient with me, and it took a lot for me to really trust her and open up to her, but she had to be REALLY patient with me. It took some therapy oon my end too to be able to raise my self-esteem back up, and to realize that it wasn't ME, it was the horrible females I was involved with.

[Ms Darcy]

Vanessa,

 

My question: why are you sleeping with a guy without an official commitment? It's not an issue if you are not looking for more of a genuine connection, but it sounds like you are trying to get to know him and trying to get him to open up to you.

 

It does sound like he's been hurt in the past. Perhaps he's been with cheating women, manipulative past girlfriends, and/or had a controlling woman in his early life. It's hard to know if he doesn't tell you.

 

I can tell you in my experience, taking things very slowly is the most effective strategy with a guy who has been hurt. My bf is someone who has really been hurt in the past - due to the actions of others and his own actions. Secondly, we built a foundation of friendship. We spent time together and talked to each other. He pushed me away, but we worked through it and I had to maintain open communication. Also, we waited on physical intimacy. That helped me keep my head clear and, I think, helped him too. Finally, we work on our individual issues. He goes to therapy and I work hard not to be needy by giving him space and being busy in my own life. It took a few months, but we have a WONDERFUL relationship now as he has truly opened up and I am much more independent yet emotionally available and encouraging.

 

So, these are my suggestions to you. I don't know how you can dial back the physical stuff, but the other suggestions may help you. In the future, hold off on sex until you are in a relationship with someone who wants to a) be with you b) work on his own issues and c) is willing to communicate those issues (slowly but surely).

 

Best of luck.

[enchanted771]

I have decided to keep busy this weekend, so I am not tempted to text him. He is the one who text me today. So, I have this meetup group and I am going to see if there is anything going on this weekend there. That, and Sunday is Easter and I have my son, so I will probably do something with him Sunday and just text the guy a Happy Easter or something I think….later on.

[enchanted771]

I saw him recently, and everything was great, we seem to be getting closer, he made sure i made it home, etc. well, one day i asked him what he was hoping for us. so we want to go with the flow, get to know each other, etc. before that, we would text during the day, and then again at night. now, its less, and at night i am the one texting.dont know if he is being more distant or if i am reading too much into it?

[Struggling23]

I've been cheated on, then again my very next relationship got dumped in a hurtful way, now I'm much much more guarded about who I open up to, it will take months for me to fully open up.