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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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I talked to him tonight after 2 months of not talking at all. He called me, I had ignored him once already, so I phoned him back. I couldn't have done anything differently. Contact or no contact. It doesn't really matter. You won't magically get back together under the guise of NC or LC. Either way, it's tough. Basically all you can do is own your actions, whether doing full on NC or LC--that way, at the end of the day, at least you have your dignity and eventually, peace.

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ok...he called me even though I was VERY CLEAR in the email. I am just mad cuz I think he is stringing me along to have me JUST IN CASE or because of the house we owned together. I tild him, time and time again that I don't care about that house...there is no equity, there is nothing to be done but sell it or do the assumption of laibilty. Anyway, I try to get him off the phone, I'm nice but act like I'm busy, and he wants to keep talking...about how confused he is, how he doesn't go out and socialize anymore...ALL BS...WHATEVER. I think I am just angry at this point!

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Day 01

We were together for a little over 2 years and have been broken up for the passed 4 months. We went from being happy with each other 24/7 to continually arguing day in and day out. We lost trust in each other throughout the relationship and realized that neither of us was truly happy anymore. Since we've broke up, I've realized how much she truly meant to me and where i made my mistakes and how i took her and our relationship for granted. I've persistently tried to get her back and have dwindled her love to a mere "i love you", when it used to be "goodmorning", "goodnight", "i love you." When we do see each other in person we still hug, hold and kiss each other as if we are together but at the end of the road, we aren't. I speak what I feel and I never hold back (even when i probably should sometimes). I tell her everything and anything that comes to my mind. My biggest problem is that one minute, I'll tell her I'm going to give her space then the next minute I'm texting her trying to hold a convo that turns into a fight. I'm very unstable with my emotions and my word which make things difficult for the both of us. Things are honestly getting worse and I know if i don't keep my word on giving her her space I will lose her for good, if i haven't already. I actually decided to move back to Florida in a couple weeks to focus on me for awhile so I can better myself cause if I stay here things will only get worse and possibly ruin everything we have. ](*,)

 

I texted her earlier today (09/09/09) and this is how I'm going to start off my NC-Challenge:

"I love you with all my heart and I know what I need to do to make you believe that. My leaving is what I'm doing to save what's left of our relationship, if theres anything left. I'm going to show you how serious I am about this and hopefully I'll hear n see you before i go. I know what i'm doing to you is making you run even farther than you already are and i can't make up for that now. All i can do is wait for your forgiveness and stop hoping we'll be together again. It hurts to notice that you barely say "I love you" anymore and it makes it worse to know that its my fault. One day I'll have you back in my arms and if not, i know i didn't give up without a fight. I love you more than the world and I know you know that. I just hope you understand that i never meant to push you away. Until then...I love you."

 

Her response: "I love you. Thank you for you."

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Wow...touching TXT on ur part. Give her time...do not contact her...be strong. I know easier said than done. But I am now on my 3rd month of being broken up and see how just waiting around just hoping he comes to his senses is not going to help me or my daughters have a life. ALl I can do is continue and eventually the pain will go away and until then I will also attempt the NC. My problem is a lil diff since I actually lived with him and we bought things together, house etc. Which are still lingering. But I guess just me not calling, txting, emailing him will help ME. If he contacts me I will just keep it brief, act busy and just agree with his part of the breakup.

Good luck Dear One!

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Well I already broke NC. It was supposed to be our 2 year and 3 month anniversary today. Shes probably going to spend it with her friend, and ignore me. Im glad i did it anyway though, she probably expected it. She replied and said she didnt know what to say. And i laid it all down for her, and thats all im doing. After today, i feel no obligation to speak with her. But she will text me, not alot.. but i know she will. I just dont know if i should reply. I agree with what someone said.. they break up after a major change. Her best friend moved back down here, maybe thats her influence. IDK if LC works..idk if NC is better. She is the type of girl that is loyal as hell..never cheated and always wanted to spend time with me. But when big decisions come up... she is indecisive. She is also the type that cant let go. Once she makes up her mind, there is no changing it. What should I do, before its too late. Im stretched for time...I leave for Army basic in 2 months. I want to shorten this process, and have her in my arms.

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Day 146 since break up.

Day 72 since last contact.

 

I'm not sad, I'm not happy, I'm indifferent. Part of me wants to reach out but the majority of me still wants to hold back. 2 weeks ago I returned to our church, I came in late and left as soon as it was over so tha tI wouldn't even accidentally have contact with her. I went back again this week and she didn't go (which is fine because I'm not going there to see her). After church one of our mutual friends was like "you need to come have lunch with us today please." SO I went and ended up sitting acorss from this girl that I don't really know but has become close friends with my ex in the past few months. A little awkward, since I knew that this friend of ex would likely report on everything said. I was just my usual happy go lucky self and was kind to this woman that is my ex's friend and joked with her a little bit. Overall a good time and good day.

 

Yesterday I met up with our mutual friend to run (this friend and I do this regularly). Before we went running she handed me a walmart bag and says "Heather found these things and wanted you to have them", it was my HS class ring and a watch I had received for graduation, they where in her jewelry box. I had realized she had these things a few months ago, but was in NC and just let it lie.

 

The thing is now, is that I've been thinkning about her for the past 24 hours. I don't know why she got our friend in the middle as a go between. I almost feel like since she sent this stuff she wants to make sure that she is still in my mind without her actually contacting me since I haven't contacted her. She still has more stuff of mine that she knows I want back (she knows because I mentioned the GnR cds numerous times before this prolonged NC) and I never mentioned these other items, only after she was long gone did it hit me.

 

I'm still not going to break NC from my end, part of me wants to thank her, but part of me wants to call her immature for basically sending a messenger.

 

Right now I'm kinda dating someone else and don't even think I want ex back, at least anytime soon......

 

Haha and just now one of her best friends (who is only an aquaintance of mine) has just walked in to my work. Effed up relationships.....pffff

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Day 02

 

To remind my self of my Challenge I find it helpful reading my "Day 01" entry. It pushes me not to give up and stay strong. Well, I went to Wal-Mart tonight and ran into her cousin and uncle. Comes to find out, She hadn't told her cousin that 1, I was moving to Florida; and 2, We had broken up. Kinda caught me off guard and don't really know what to think of it. Kind of, sorta, puts me at a loss of words. She tells me she's always talking to her cousin and watching her child yet for four months she didn't tell her? Oh well, it's too late now. 2 weeks and I'm back at home with my family and the beach. I'm really looking forward to this...

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Day 13

 

So today I felt terrible from when I woke up until the late evening. I went on a long walk with a few of my friends, and we talked about the breakup. I hadn't really talked to them much about it all before. It felt really good to get it all out.

 

It was really good to hear their views on the subject. They have been friends with her for about as long as her and I dated (I introduced them, but I had only known them for a few days when I did). They are still friends with her.

 

Because of a lot of things that happened to her in her childhood, my ex is really insecure (she told me about everything while we were dating, and I even noticed this happen a lot during the time). She got in a relationship with someone a month after we broke up, and things moved fast, too fast (at one point before I told her I was going NC, she told me that she thought things might be going too fast with her and her new boyfriend). My friends think that this is probably because of her insecurity: she is afraid to be alone and single. A while back they told her that she was making a bad decision to date someone so soon, and to let it move so fast. She slightly annoyed at them about this.

 

She came over for dinner two days ago, and she met up with them. They said that she just seemed so... dismal, lifeless, without any positive emotion. When we were dating, she was so full of life, so bubbly, chatty, teasing my friends (she used to call my friend "pete pete," much to his constirnation They said that they noticed that she changed so much after the breakup (I noticed this too actually, but I thought she only acted that way around me!), and they think that this is because the new guy she is with is not making her happy, she's just dating him so that she won't feel lonely. They tried to have a conversation with her, but she would only respond with short answers, and never speak unless spoken to. Then she left about 10 minutes after she came over.

 

My friends believe that one day, probably a good amount of time into the future, she will realize that she moved too fast with this new guy. They think that she will come back to me. I told them that I'm open to reconciliation if she is.

 

I agree with what my friends are thinking, mostly. I really don't think that she will ever come back, but there's still a little part of me that's hoping that she will.

 

I am resolved to continue with NC.

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Back to day 1.

after getting dumped not once but twice!

NC was going so well for me, but i caved when he wanted to give it another go...only to get dumped few days later.

So nothing is going to make me break NC this time

 

Its funny, while doing NC they seem to sense when you are feeling better then they send that text!

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about a month of NC

 

I feel absolutely awfull. Can't believe it's truly over. I've been very down for the past 4 days. I can't believe we go on without each other. Can't believe he's letting this go. I feel so lost and powerless, I dunno what to do with myself.

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hum I'm bad at this NC thing. and you guys right when you're feeling better suddenly they'll come out.

 

Should stop twittering, he replied to my 'got a job' news in cool, silly manner (that i loved) and also commenting on my portfolios. was happy, then again, the expectation sets in again (oh he caaaaaares! ). and I am sure there were no meaning to his replies anyway. that means I am not ready to talk to him. jesus.

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approaching exactly two months since last contact, still feel like crap, still thinking of her and questioning myself. i just cannot help but wonder if im a mere memory that she hopes never to come accross again. i can still hear her voice in my head, i still expect her to ring at the time she always used to call then i realise thats long gone. my phone has been dead since, i dont even like to use it. its horrible to think how i was so happy with everything i ever wanted, had her to talk to every night and then i've got nothing but a hairband next to my bed. shes out melting guys all round with her stunning looks, i cant even look at anyone else. i need more time but the crazy thing is i still hold hope she might come back with me like an idiot. why would someone so beautiful come back for me when she can have whoever she wants! i just want to write in the sky "i miss you and i need you" in the hope she might see it and remember me. i've never felt so down in my life.

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ackerman, I feel so similar..it sucks. My ex looks like a model, he's so simple and funny. I bet he's got tons of women wanting him. I still hold hope too, I wish there was something I could do. I as well am moving on but finding very difficult deep in my heart to fully let go. I just trust life that this is how it had to be and that maybe there;s something in store I can't yet forsee..

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Day 1?

 

Ex sent me an email yesterday breaking 2 months of NC asking about the security deposit on our apartment and wanting my half of the power bill. Threw in a "hope everything is well and that you've had enough time and space to figure everything out a little bit..." Really confused by that statement since he is the one that ended it. I responded as nicely as I could (it's all in a thread on here) but he didn't respond like I'd hoped. So here I am again. But it doesn't hurt nearly as much.

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lost track of how many days it's been (it's been 5 weeks since the breakup) - I'm not technically on NC, but limited contact, but have only been in contact with him when absolutely necessary

 

I heard that he'd been in an accident, his car was sideswiped, and the car is wrecked, so I sent him a message saying that I hope he's feeling ok.

 

It didn't hurt as much when he didn't respond as it would have a month ago, mainly because I know he doesn't always see these messages and because I've mostly come to terms with the breakup.

 

I still miss him and still hope we can get back together eventually, but I'm learning that it's beyond my control

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