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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Sometimes I think this is all that it would take to make me feel better... knowing that my ex misses me.

It's been 3+ months of NC for me. I don't think about my ex nearly as often, except when I'm by myself and begin to think about the first year we started dating. It was definitely the best period in my life. I wonder why I do this to myself. I wish I could focus on the last 2 years that we dated when things were no longer working. I'm feeling a little down today.

 

Ahem. I think that too. I've been down for a few days now. Today was awful. I was around family today but I had to stay outside. I couldn't keep up my brave face. I know I looked sad. I'm not eating or drinking enough. I've got to get that under control.

 

I'm on around day 7 NC, but I stopped counting as I fell off sometime ago. I don't even call it NC now. I'll go with 'being ignored sucks time'. BIST. hehe I went LC after a few weeks, 3 weeks ago. That worked out badly. I'm in a state of...meh.

 

I still miss her. I still have random daydreams about her. Usually involving her calling me wanting me back. Those drive me crazy. I don't know where those come from, sure set me back for a few minutes - hours. Why do I hold out hope? I wish I knew! I do have to say our time together was the best time in my life. I wish she knew that. I wish that mattered. I wish....

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You've pretty much summed up how I'm feeling JW.

I don't even count days anymore as it's so depressing; all I know is it's been a while since I've spoken to him. I wish I at least knew if he missed me or something.

God..it hurts so bad being thrown away.

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You've pretty much summed up how I'm feeling JW.

I don't even count days anymore as it's so depressing; all I know is it's been a while since I've spoken to him. I wish I at least knew if he missed me or something.

God..it hurts so bad being thrown away.

..

Exactly...you feel like, "how could they forget me so easily"? I don't know...maybe they don't forget...maybe they just feel we were not the best choice for them but maybe we are in their heart somewhere. Since we can't know, at least we should think positive.

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Almost 6 weeks NC.

 

I don't know if it's sunk in yet. Like I said, he and I have been off/on for so many years that I feel as if I can never really know if it's REALLY OVER.

 

I'm starting to wonder if his pride is getting in the way from contacting me or if he thinks I'm going to ignore any advance he makes.

 

Guess I'll never know unless something happens...or doesn't.

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Got through another one. Not too emotional today. Just processing all that I've read about emotional availability and commitment phobia. I'm absolutely convinced now that I won't be hearing from him, and, if I don't, it's all for the best. I'm not even sure why I keep posting on this forum (!), because I understand now we should never get back together. Well, at least not without some serious counseling on both sides! I don't hope for it anymore, though. I'm not even remotely tempted to contact him.

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Day- whatever, it doesn't even matter to me anymore.

 

Even though talking to our mutual friend Friday moring tore me up for a little while hearing that ex is happy without me must have been what I needed. I'll explain; I had been on link removed for several months and dated 3 different women and even during the initial stages of messaging back and forth I compared them to my ex, thus I lost interest quickly and if i didn't it was a recipe for more Heartache.

 

Well the Friday evening a new woman started messaging me, we ended up talking on IM for three or for hours. Honestly one of the best convos over the internet for me ever. Our ideals seemed to match up so I asked for her number. Yesterday we ended up texting back and forth all day and by 4pm she insinuated that she wanted to go out with me next Friday and I told her that we would meet up after I get off work. The texting continued throughout the evening while I was at a BBQ. When I finally was headed home at 11PM I called her to say goodnight and we talked for almost four hours. We had such an honest and open exchange that i can tell that we are both feeling the beginning of something for each other. We talked about our even talked about our exes, turns out we both had relationships end at about the same time, we've both dated others since and now it seems that we are finding somone who has the same relationship ideals as the other.

 

I'm on top of the world today with the prospect of going out with this amazing woman on friday. I know nothing long term may come of it, but I already feel so comfortable talking to her that I think we are set up for a great start.

 

From the depths of distress to being tapped on the shoulder by someone who seems really great. It has been a goood 48 hours.

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Day....41 I think?

 

First day back at school. The weather was beautiful on the drive to campus this morning and I was going alright at first...

 

But then I started getting really bad anxiety and felt like I could burst into tears at any moment. I went to counseling services and signed up for sessions starting next week. I can't let any of this get in the way of my education. It's happened before and I was on academic probation for a semester.

 

I want there to be hope. He has to be missing me... right?

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So happy for you BH!!!!

 

Thanks Coolchick, The new girl and I talked on the phone again for another 2.5 hours. I can't wait until Friday. Stick in there yourself and things will eventually get better. For some reason letting go of hope for reconciliation has been the best thing for me. I'll have to talk to the ex again someday to get my class ring and some cds back, but knowing those are the only expectations I have feels great!

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Day 30.

 

Mixed feelings.

 

I have no interest in contacting him... but I think a small part of me still wants him to contact me.

 

Because there was no real ending to our relationship, I feel a bit numb.. I think I'm still in shock!

 

I'm happy I don't have to travel 50 mins down that long lonely freeway to see him. I'm happy I'm not around for him to take me for granted and treat me like ****.

 

I do miss him. I miss the laughs and that gorgeous smile. I'm jealous someone else gets to wake up wrapped in has strong arms. I'm jealous she gets to giggle with him all morning until severe hunger finally draws them out of bed.

 

I don't miss feeling not good enough. I don't miss feeling unwanted and never knowing where I stand. I don't miss watching him eye ball other women in front of me and basically throwing himself at them. I don't miss that fact he didn't really care about me at all... while all I could do was watch on.. so helplessly in love with him.

 

There is basically 0% chance I will ever run into him.

 

So this is it. It's finally over. Done.

 

'Bye baby'

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Ok here goes....

 

Day 1... and it starts.... already constantly thinking of him... first thing in the morning and last thing at night... hard to focus at work right now, but I need my job - so I need to get my head on straight.

 

I'm just so sad and wondering if he is too... but I know this is for the best... this is for me... and I finally need to put my needs first as opposed to my neediness....

 

Wish me luck!

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I have stopped counting days of NC, it just doesn't matter to me now. Maybe i shouldn't even be posting here, because I don't want her back anymore. I have had 4 amazing evenings in a row (emotionally) now. 2-3 hour phone conversations with the new girl every night 4 days in a row. Going out this Friday and I think she's planning on spending the night, she lives 45 minutes away and the comedy club we're going to doesn't start until 10:30 PM. I told her that she was more than welcome to sleep with me, but would leave that decision to her since we are just starting to date.

 

So yeah I guess I post here as a sort of success story, I didn't get the ex back, but NC has allowed me to heal and let go so I could open up to this new relationship that has a lot of potential. now it's time to realize that potential.

 

I know for a lot of you NC feels so hard, but it's so easy to do all you have to do is not dial there number or email them. It hurts for a long time, but then one day something snaps and life is good again.

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day 37 ongoing thoughts, memories, what ifs, wish i could of done this, wish i could of done that.. pointless really but its only just becoming reality that she really is gone from my life. cried, so want to contact her but shes already told me she doesnt feel the same way about me so i'd just end up with more heartbreak. does she miss me, does she even think about me? probably not but i still wonder. i was so happy, i wish i still had her with me. keep checking my phone and emails, havent been on profiles and trying hard to keep off them.. she enjoys flirting so im sure she is, i couldnt bare to see comments of flirt. i just cant let go but i know theres nothing i can do. its so hard.

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What did he write to you about?

 

he acted like he was all desperate to talk to me...emailing me once on monday to see how i've been and apologizing for emailing me and breaking NC. then he called on thursday and didn't leave a msg. then he emails on friday "are you through communicating with me?" to which i responded "hey, what's up?" then he writes back "nothing. how've you been? what you been doing?" i wrote back simply "i'm ok. this and that." people on ENA told me that I shouldn't ignore his attempts so i responded briefly. they told me to keep the response short and to not ask him any questions. well today is tuesday and he hasn't contacted me again...go figure.

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he acted like he was all desperate to talk to me...emailing me once on monday to see how i've been and apologizing for emailing me and breaking NC. then he called on thursday and didn't leave a msg. then he emails on friday "are you through communicating with me?" to which i responded "hey, what's up?" then he writes back "nothing. how've you been? what you been doing?" i wrote back simply "i'm ok. this and that." people on ENA told me that I shouldn't ignore his attempts so i responded briefly. they told me to keep the response short and to not ask him any questions. well today is tuesday and he hasn't contacted me again...go figure.

 

When an ex makes contact, I think you're really damned if you, damned if you don't. If you respond at all, you wait for the reply that never comes and regret it. Or regret what you said. Or what you didn't say. If you don't respond, though, you wonder what would've happened if you had. You wonder what they really meant/wanted/thought when they wrote. If they don't write, it hurts. If they do write, it hurts. Guess I'm just saying, don't be hard on yourself. The right response is never 100% clear, IMO. We're all just muddling through

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