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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 5

 

I have to say, this has been my best day since we broke up (5 weeks ago). It felt almost normal.

 

Tonight, there's an event downtown that the rest of my family's going to attend. I think there's a 50-50 chance he'll be there and we live in a smallish town. I've thought a lot about whether to go. I don't want to change my life to avoid him. But I think I've decided to stay home. I won't enjoy it because I'll be on the constant look out for him. If he's there and he ignores me, I'll feel awful. If he's there and he comes up to me, I probably won't like what he has to say. It's a lose-lose-lose. I just think I need to get more centered before I put myself into situations like that.

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day 1 of no contact.

 

feeling happy and sad at the time.

 

happy because i got the closure i needed to be able to move on from this.

 

sad because she was my best friend and i'm gonna miss her.

 

for some weird reason we made a date for next week

 

don't know if that's going to work, i still have some stuff to give her.

 

 

Don't know much about your situation, but I'd wait to exchange stuff or find another way to give it to her. If you're only one day out, you're probably not ready.

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DAY 7

 

I had a very strong temptation to text him today to say 'miss you'.....from day 1 to now day 7 I have gone through emotions from despair, sadness, hope to anger. He dumped me out of the blue and that hurt me so. It took me a while to start my day and eat something. Its now the afternoon and the urge has once again washed over....I feel stronger because I started reading this thread and hearing others battling the NC made me feel like I'm not alone. Why should I be the one to contact him after he hurt me and is probably giving me false hope with the last words he said to me.

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Day 2

 

I kinda want to log in a friend facebook account, to see what she has up to, but im not going to do it!. Mornings sucks! is when i feel really sad, at least i dont have any emotions to text her or something but i miss her a lot

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day 2 of NC

 

yeah yeah i miss her and all that.

 

but i have no urge so far to contact her.

 

although i am thinking from time to time what she is doing but i know as i continue NC i will completely be over her.

 

it's not the relationship i miss, it's the companionship, knowing that there is someone out there that does care, which is why the thought of asking her as friend creeps back into my mind.

 

but gotta be strong. time heals all.

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Day 6

 

Had a surprisingly bad day. Missing him more than usual. Cried for the first time several weeks. I guess as the days wear on with NC, I get the feeling again that he's not missing me or even affected at all. I still can't believe I was so easily replaced. Didn't I mean anything to him? Everyone here seems to feel the same way, so that doesn't make me special, does it? After 5 weeks of this, and all the crap that's happened, I shouldn't be in shock, but I sometimes still am. Still can't believe this is what he wants . . .

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My ex gf, has just text me saying "Hi! How are you?", i dont know what to do =/, my brain says "dont answer her" but my heart says "answer her"

 

The last time we talked was 2days ago when i decided "if you are not fully happy with me then ill leave you with the doors open", she likes another guy x.x... but she said a lot "im afraid is just an ilusion and the really who i love is you" so she wants me to stay with her =/... but cmon im not going to do that... im not a toy or something x.x, but im really afraid idk why =/

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Day 26!

 

Today is a good day. Wow, it went faster than I thought. Although I've had some excruciating moments... it's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. After this weekend which is of course - filled with fun plans with friends and family (and a date!) - I will have made it to 30 days!

 

I hate him. He's dead to me. It may sound harsh, but its the only thing keeping a spring in my step!

 

Coolchick - Keep your head up babe!! If a guy thinks they can "replace" ladies as foxxy and fabulous as us.. they are stupid... and we don't date unintelligent men do we!?!?

 

xx

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It's been roughly 6 weeks or so I suppose since I've spoken to him.

I seem to do pretty well in refraining from texting or calling, haven't in a couple of weeks. A couple of days ago however I sent an email saying. "I just miss you."

 

I was doing pretty well before then; the past few days though I have been feeling really upset; I miss him so much. And of course my email set me back. (again.) Blah.

I seem to do alright for about a week, then I feel the need to email out of the blue professing my undying feelings of love for him. ](*,)

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Day 26!

 

Today is a good day. Wow, it went faster than I thought. Although I've had some excruciating moments... it's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. After this weekend which is of course - filled with fun plans with friends and family (and a date!) - I will have made it to 30 days!

 

I hate him. He's dead to me. It may sound harsh, but its the only thing keeping a spring in my step!

 

Coolchick - Keep your head up babe!! If a guy thinks they can "replace" ladies as foxxy and fabulous as us.. they are stupid... and we don't date unintelligent men do we!?!?

 

xx

 

LOL Thanks needafriend---I needed that. : )

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Start @ Day 3

 

Meh, i hate mornings, is when the sad feelings come out, maybe because i wake up like "meh im not with her anymore".

 

But i kinda feel better than yesterday, i guess because she text me, im not going to answer until she says something with a meaning, not a simple "hi how are you".

 

@ Coolshick, she said clearly she doesnt want to get back together "RIGHT NOW",

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Still in NC, don't care enough to count it up right now.

 

I've been running with a mutual friend of both mine and my ex's. I did great for months not asking about my ex, but for some reason today after our I run I asked how ex was doing. She said that ex is still waitong for a school to call her back and give her a job (schools around here either started this week or last). I asked if ex was happy ad my friend said "yes, she's happy". I don't know why I said it but I then I said "She's happy without me around, that's great, she's happy, i guess that's all I could ask for her. I guess if I never see her again at least she's happy." My friend could see the pain in my eyes and I just turned and walked off and she said "I feel sad", I couldn't turn back and said "have a good weekend".

 

I feel like I really * * * * ed up, I hope the friend doesn't go back and tell exx I asked how she was doing. In the next few minutes after leaving my friend I wantd to go walk out into traffic, go into the restroom and slice my throatt with a shard from the mirror. This was about 45 minutes ago. I guess it's a good thing that those were just fleeting thoughts, but * * * * man, just hearing she's happy totally * * * * ed up my endorphin high from the run.

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Hey BH, you didn't **** up, but I hope you'll go out right now and do something (anything) to get your mind off this. You're having some really dark thoughts and believe me, none of this is worth it.

 

A friend of mine told me at one point in my break up that she didn't think it was good for me to have any more information to process. I think that's one of the great things about NC. The more you know about your ex, the more you have to obsess about and analyze. Not knowing protects you from a lot. Trust that if your ex has anything to say that's worth your time and energy, she'll find you.

 

As far as whether she's happy, who knows?! I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what her friend said. Your ex may not be confiding much in her friends. Or she may not be confiding in this particular friend, knowing that you two still have contact. Or she may be fine and that's it. There's no way to tell. Even if you saw your ex in person and asked her straight up whether she was happy without you, you'd have no way of telling whether what she said was true. Don't torture yourself. In fact, the best thing you can probably do is assume she's f'ing thrilled unless she tells you different, and get on with your life. I know this is the Getting Back Together thread, but even if that's what you ultimately want, the ball's really in her court for now.

 

Hang in there--I've been going through a lot of the same stuff and I know how much it hurts.

 

CC

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Thank you for your encouragement Coolchick64. WHat you say about her not confiding in our mutual friend you are more than likely 100% correct. My ex has be friends with this person for a couple of years longer, but over the past year me and the friend have gotten close since we started running together a few times a week. Our friend was caught completely off guard by my ex's decision to break up because all along my ex was telling her how happy and contented she was being with me.

 

I really am trying to move on and most days are better than the previous one. I know eventually that I will find someone who can be honest about her feelings, mean it when she accepts a marriage proposal and not just run away when shee has the slightest doubt.

 

As for my dark thoughts, I do get them from time to time, but I quash them pretty quickly. Overall I actually am a happy person, with work, school, friends, family.

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I know exactly how you feel. My ex and I have been off/on for about 7 years and have been broken up for exactly 2 months today (almost 40 days NC). We have SO many mutual friends (almost 300 on facebook if that gives you any idea) that I feel like I can't vent to anyone without it getting back to him. I have to keep telling certain "friends" to shut up when I can tell they're about to give me information and I feel like people are telling him that I'm saying things when I haven't even opened my mouth. A big part of our relationship's demise was that a few of his "friends" weren't really being his friend and were worming their way into our relationship. I told him how I felt about these people and he pretty much chose to believe them over me. I can only hope that since he and I have been friends/lovers for almost a decade that he will eventually find out who he can believe and trust.... *sigh*

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Glad you posted again---I've been thinking about you. Sounds like you're back on track : )

 

 

Wow, you seem like a pretty great person CC64!

 

Funny how the universe works out. Just found out that my ex works at the restaurant that I have planned to go to for happy hour tonight with some friends, and these plans have been in the works for weeks. Thought about not goin, but hopefully she just isn't working tonight. If she ends up being our waitress I'll request a different server, but if she notices me come in hopefully she'll just ignore the area.

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day 34 still thinking about her all the time, regretting my bitterness towards her ending what we had. went out last night trying to move on but shes always in the back of my mind, struggling to get close to anyone else i feel nothing. cried this morning and hugged/kissed her hairband as its the only thing i have left. i wish she missed me, still love her so much.

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Start @ Day 4

 

I had a really good day yesterday, a friend invited me to eat lunch, and we did a lot of funny things went to the mall and really it was a good time because there was seconds when i didnt think about her. Plus some girls were looking at me, and my self-esteem was really high

 

Today, meh i feel sad... when i wake up this sad feeling was really something, but i remember all the bad things she did to me and i kinda had this feeling "is not my fault, she is the one who is losing here"... Maybe im this sad because she didnt text me or something yesterday.

 

Argh, this sadness is making me think abour breaking the NC, i have to be strong!

 

Meh, i broke it, but i said this: hi! wanna to tell you that you were right about the breakup and taking a time for us...I guess we do need space. Something happened and im really amazed... Like you said, when things happens they happen for a reason you know

 

I decidede to said that because i've been always "i dont wanna break" "please come back" and stuff like that.. so i decided to play like im fine and im moving out =D, and i think thats what happening to me... i feel like i said is a win-win

 

 

If you break it, dont break it with a "i miss you" or something like that, i noticed when you express your feelings to your ex, is always worse ALWAYS, plus i have this in my mind, there is a day ill get over this, sooner or later, tomorrow or in 10years, why not let make it happen NOW?, just be strong and use your brain instead of your heart, plus our ex loved us for what we were, not for begging and things like that... so i think is a win-win

 

Anyways, @ Starting Day 0

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Broke 20 day NC a week back.. so back to day 6..

 

Went for a party last night, ended up sitting in one corner because I was missing her. Could not connect with any one around including my friends.

 

Starting to realize the only person who knows me truly is her. The only person who I can be myself with, is her.

 

Been together for 3.9 years.. with 1 year of LDR.. broke up 2 molnths back!!

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day 34 still thinking about her all the time, regretting my bitterness towards her ending what we had. went out last night trying to move on but shes always in the back of my mind, struggling to get close to anyone else i feel nothing. cried this morning and hugged/kissed her hairband as its the only thing i have left. i wish she missed me, still love her so much.

 

I have to say, this post really broke my heart. I know exactly how you're feeling. I came accross one of my ex's shirts a few weeks ago and just held it up to my face so I could smell his smell again. But then you know what I did? I threw that sucker in the garbage! Those little reminders are making it harder on you, hon. If you don't feel you can toss the hairband, put it in a box, put the box in a closet, and bury it with towels or something. Right now, you have to be your own best friend and only do things that make you feel better, not worse.

 

Hang in there. I know it's hard.

 

CC

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day 34 i wish she missed me, still love her so much.

 

Sometimes I think this is all that it would take to make me feel better... knowing that my ex misses me.

 

It's been 3+ months of NC for me. I don't think about my ex nearly as often, except when I'm by myself and begin to think about the first year we started dating. It was definitely the best period in my life. I wonder why I do this to myself. I wish I could focus on the last 2 years that we dated when things were no longer working. I'm feeling a little down today.

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I'm beginning to feel very strongly that this is it. I won't be hearing from him again. I can feel myself letting go and it's a good feeling. The odd thing is, I'm having trouble remembering what it was like to have him around. (It's been 8 days NC, but 5-1/2 weeks since we split.) It's almost like our whole relationship is some kind of dream, like it never happened. I guess that's a sign that my life is filling up with other things. Looking forward to the September, when I'll get super busy again. I don't know. It's sad, but strangely okay at the same time.

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