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Day 4

I must look for and respect red flags.

Listening to an audio on grieving is helping. The frequency and intensity of the triggers are reducing. What is sad is the loss my ability to shape my reality, (if you want to change something, change the way you look at it). I did was not looking when this relationship started in a very sober way (for me), in that we were friends only for the first 4 months. not touching no kissing, etc.. We had a spark not a physical one and not spiritual. When I look at this person I will always feel love and attraction but it does not overcome the other realities of we are both facing, i.e., exceedingly stressful financial situation (life or death). The physical component was healthy on one level but i bit to vanilla for me. We both were brought up and schooled in a very religious environment and i feel i am less restrained then her. Maybe this was one of many red flags that would make any other relationship a non-starter. I ignored the red flags. I commit to writing the red flags down on paper that are non-negotiable in case i ever have a relationship again. Frankly, i am done with relationships and don't care anymore. I am considering moving out of country in few years anyway.

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Day 84

 

OK, I'm finally accepting that it's over. No more grief, no more anger, no more denial. I'm learning to truly love myself and to understand on a gut level that I deserve to be happy without compromise, without giving myself away for nothing in return. Not looking forward to these upcoming holidays, the first since the breakup, but this too shall pass. Hang in there, y'all. It really does get better.

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Just found this thread, great idea, especially since I'm sure my friends are tired of me talking about her.

 

Day 11 of NC...In a way, I understand why the breakup had to happen. It was necessary. Out of this, I've seen a lot of things I need to change both for the next relationship and just quality of life in general. While I'd love to try to work things out, she needs to grow as well and start being her own person. I hope this happens when she starts therapy in the New Year. I've seen her once unintentionally and it hurt she didn't even acknowledge me, just ran out. My biggest fear right now is she thinks the door may be closed because of my actions and wording in my final message to her but I also realize she chose this course of action as opposed to trying to work it out. There are days I get super depressed and want to call her and days I'm hopeful. I look forward to the day when she's not the first thing I think of when I woke up or last thing I think about before going to bed. I've been through enough of these to understand the pain won't last forever but this one hits me particularly hard because this is the first woman I even considered wanting to spent my life with.

 

For now, I'll get my life back on track, start doing things I once enjoyed, work on myself and continue to surround myself with friends.

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8 yr relationship 2 kids under 5. ex is avoidant attachment style and shows zero empathy or emotion.

 

broke no contact many times over first month. I was beginning to soften her up with pics of kids and showing I care. Not begging, just sharing my views. Bought her cute flowers and her favorite pizza in shape of a heart delivered to work. She thanked me, but also did not say happy thanksgiving back the next day.

 

So today is day one of official no-contact. it is so hard with kids, but we currently have a schedule in place that allows us not to speak unless emergency.

 

we were in love for 6 years and she stood by my side through legal troubles and stood up for me to family. last 2 years we drifted apart due to no date nights and arguing. she yearned more fun and freedom. I blame stress of young family.

 

I know she loves me, I know she is confused. I know if I give her time she will come around because we have above average love at one point and I will trust my record. In the meantime I am going to lose 50 pounds and become the best option.

 

Day 1 in the books.

 

Stay tuned

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Well, as the breakup was "official" as of yesterday, this is day 1. I did notice at some point today she blocked me on FB. Not that I was going to contact her, but I could see if she was online and I wondered if she was going to keep that avenue open. Guess I got my answer after I checked this morning. Out of respect for her wishes, I won't reach out, but if she does, I will be glad to talk. I will say that I feel a little better today than I did yesterday. IMO this relationship ended prematurely to a misunderstanding.

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Well, as the breakup was "official" as of yesterday, this is day 1. I did notice at some point today she blocked me on FB. Not that I was going to contact her, but I could see if she was online and I wondered if she was going to keep that avenue open. Guess I got my answer after I checked this morning. Out of respect for her wishes, I won't reach out, but if she does, I will be glad to talk. I will say that I feel a little better today than I did yesterday. IMO this relationship ended prematurely to a misunderstanding.

 

Well, that was quick. She called, we talked, and are going to try to work it out.

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Day 20 - I just got back from traveling for a week for work. It was good to get away from the city, from the chance of seeing her. We were supposed to go to Chicago for her birthday, see her favorite musical and her favorite band. Instead, I went to another city by myself. In the airport, it hit me...this is really over, she may never come back. I think I'm now in the anger phase of grief. I'm angry I waited so long for her, angry it ended like it did, angry I contacted her so close after her breakup instead of giving her real time.

 

I'm also seeing where things went wrong, not just on her side but with me. Things I need to work on including being a better listener and not so focused on myself. There's also some aspects that weren't directly tied to the breakup that need to be changed. This is going to be a long road...

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Day 20 - I just got back from traveling for a week for work. It was good to get away from the city, from the chance of seeing her. We were supposed to go to Chicago for her birthday, see her favorite musical and her favorite band. Instead, I went to another city by myself. In the airport, it hit me...this is really over, she may never come back. I think I'm now in the anger phase of grief. I'm angry I waited so long for her, angry it ended like it did, angry I contacted her so close after her breakup instead of giving her real time.

 

I'm also seeing where things went wrong, not just on her side but with me. Things I need to work on including being a better listener and not so focused on myself. There's also some aspects that weren't directly tied to the breakup that need to be changed. This is going to be a long road...

 

With you bro.

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Day 24 - It's been exactly 4 weeks since she ended the relationship and 24 days since we spoke via email. I still think about her a lot but it doesn't hurt like it once did. Sometimes I find myself going hours without thinking of her where a few weeks ago it was constant. As much as I want to think I'm ok, I know I'm really not. Last night I went out with some friends, got drunk and started talking about how much I missed her. Fortunately, I didn't break NC and actually didn't even think about doing it but it just showed that I'm not there yet or even as far along as I'd hoped I'd be. There are so many things I need to work on about myself it seems a little overwhelming but hopefully in time, I'll be able to. I'm also considering some sort of therapy. I'm really glad I don't have to see her right now and she's not trying to send me breadcrumbs. This is helping me keep moving.

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Day 30 - It's hard to believe it's gone by so quick. I've seen her once just by chance to be at the same place at the same time. It was awkward for both of us and she left immediately. The pain is not there anymore but the memories still are. The places we went, the conversations we had, the mistakes we both made. I play over in my head the things I wish I could've changed but know I can't. My friends have been gracious enough to not talk about her even though I know they still see her. I do miss her and think about her a lot but I'm at the point where she's not the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I've toyed with the idea of dating but it almost feels like cheating to start to even talk to someone else. I'm sure I have a lot of healing left but so far, I haven't broken NC and not sure when or if I will.

 

One side effect of this breakup is seeing where I messed up and one of those was a major aspect of my lifestyle. Unfortunately, all my friends are tied into that lifestyle so having a support system has been non-existent. I feel alone with nothing to do. I'm pretty much starting over in a lot of ways so moving on has been a little difficult than in the past. Looking forward to the day when this is just a memory.

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Well, as the breakup was "official" as of yesterday, this is day 1. I did notice at some point today she blocked me on FB. Not that I was going to contact her, but I could see if she was online and I wondered if she was going to keep that avenue open. Guess I got my answer after I checked this morning. Out of respect for her wishes, I won't reach out, but if she does, I will be glad to talk. I will say that I feel a little better today than I did yesterday. IMO this relationship ended prematurely to a misunderstanding.

 

You need to block on her social media.

 

You do not want to see it, it holds your back.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Challenge accepted! First day of no contact. Official breakup yesterday. We’ve been LD, but have a long history. I want him to wake up, but can’t do it for him. If this isn’t going to work out I want to move on. Funny thing is day 30 is Valentines Day ❤️ Wish me luck! 🍀

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  • 2 weeks later...

First day of no contact, challenge accepted - I say First Day because I have been looking at FB, Instagram, & Snapchat...

 

My Feelings: This is the second time she dumped me after a nightmarish breakup in Sept (My Fault) we got back together (kinda) for another 2 months since she dropped the hammer again... but she never came back really. So after bending over backwards like the spineless jellyfish I am for 2 months getting scraps of intimacy and used for and companionship when it was convenient for her I'm a bit salty... NOW that being said I still love her dearly and I'm just heartbroken. However I know she's not right for me. When you put someone on a pedestal and look at them through rose colored glasses all the red flags just look like flags.. Hell this second time around I saw the flags and I'm a pleaser and thought I could fix it, nope I couldn't.. I'm sad, a little salty, sick and tired about being sick and tired and optimistic about finding love again... Not Now but for once I'm not gonna rebound or Monkey Branch.. I deserve better man.. I really really do. However in my heart of hearts, if she came back and said and did the right things I'd take her back... but I don't want to because if nothing changes and no one WANTS to work on themselves and the relationship well there is nothing I can do... I'm a hot mess.

 

What happens if THEY comment on your FB, SnapChat, or Instagram? Obviously don't respond? I'd like the communities thoughts?

My feelings:

 

Las contact, Sunday 1/26/2020

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Sorry to hear this. No contact means you have to delete and block them and all their people from All your social media and All your messaging apps, so that wouldn't happen.

What happens if THEY comment on your FB, SnapChat, or Instagram? Obviously don't respond?

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What happens if THEY comment on your FB, SnapChat, or Instagram? Obviously don't respond? I'd like the communities thoughts?

 

As Wiseman said, you don't have that problem because you deleted her as a contact and blocked her...correct?

 

Or...are you "hoping" she "changes"?

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As Wiseman said, you don't have that problem because you deleted her as a contact and blocked her...correct?

 

Or...are you "hoping" she "changes"?

 

She's not going to Change... However I didn't see anything in the Rules about Blocking or deleting anyone's number. I did see not going to their Snap, IG, or FB and such but nothing about all out blocking them? Which is why I asked.. I also didn't read all 20k pages in this thread

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There are no "rules" that you're obligated to stick to. But it's in your own best interest to delete and block so you're not waiting for them to contact you. Or anxiously worrying about what to do if they contact you because they can't if you block them.

 

PS: Blocking is referenced on post #6 of this thread.

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Day 2 - Day 4 since the break up and from when we last had any kind of communication. I'm on a roller coaster ride of emotions to be honest. I don't care how bad this hurts, I refuse to reach out to her again. When we broke up now for a 2nd time in 3 months after almost a year relationship I didn't make the same errors as the first time. I didn't reason, beg, grovel, there were some non overly dramatic tears on each side and we held each other. We both know it was over. I absolutely REFUSE to reach out to her and sacrifice another drop of my dignity for someone who doesn't deserve it. I started working on me after the first break up so I am continuing on that path, Gym, eating right, Therapist, and practicing self care. I miss her terribly... but I'll be ok.. I know I will. She hasn't reached out and quite frankly I'm a little nervous for the day comes that she will..

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