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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


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april 3, 2009

 

it has been almost a full day that i haven't spoken to him. although he is trying to make me message him on msn because his status says that he is out smoking weed (he stopped during more than half of our relationship). guess what, i won't message him . if he really wants it to be over he wouldn't even be online, especially not with that status that is OBVIOUSLY directed at me since he's done it before. plus he could have messaged me but he won't he's got too much pride. well now i am going to build up my pride again and i will not contact him! here's to better days.

 

today i didn't feel so bad, i woke up tired, but in a good mood. i smiled a lot. i am trying not to let him get to me. and so far it has been working and it has been a good day. the only thing is i keep having these thoughts jump in my head with our past arguments...and the times he would cry to keep me....it is awful. i wish i could be with him but the relationship just was not working no matter what we did. i respect his decision to leave....and i am not going to put myself any lower than i have been before, by always begging to stay like a dog.

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Guess what I was in the computer had my cell closed by it was 12:10 am My mom and my sister are going away and I picked the phone thinking it was one of them without looking

 

 

My ex was calling again telling me what she was up to and what she did the day and the preparations on the new job and what not

 

 

I let her carry on for like 5 minutes I told her im happy for you that is very good news after that I did the untinkable

 

 

I been reading here a lot and also ebook like get your ex back ect before I implemented NC for almost two weeks before talking to her and seen her yesterday

 

 

 

She was away in her parents house for about 2 weeks and almost 2 weeks with her cousin the 6th it will be the first month she is been away

 

 

 

Thru all this time she know that I was still hoping to get back together but tonight after she spoke for like 5 minutes I told her

 

 

Look I take ownership for what I have done , I forgive you and forgive my self

 

I agree with the breakup you were right it the best thing for us she was triying to tell me that since we started to argued a lot in the past that we are hurt too much and can not savage the relationship she started to get strong and louder so I said again I agree you are right there is no relationship between us anymore , I will not be your friend that was her answer she asked me yesterday and she was fast telling me remember what I told you you are a very big part and important part of my life , I told her It does not matter and do not worry about me Ill be fine I can move on , I will move on

 

 

I forgive you and forgive my self , I take ownership of what I have done she told me I have done stuff too I told her that is for you to deal with I can only do for myself that is an issue you have to work on she was like ok and then a little silence

 

 

So I was sweet when I told her I wish you every success and Happiness she softly now respondes me too and I said ok take care

 

 

 

So there it is I actually feel ok and like a lot of you said before she cannot miss what she already has , I believe with all my heart that she was sure I was going to acept her terms of being friends with the idea of trying to save some of the things we have lost , why because I always and eventually try to make her happy and say yes , this time I brought up the conversation this time I took the iniciative and this time I told her I will move on

 

 

 

So I will start with NC again this will be my first day again

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april 4, 2009 - 1:10 am

 

well he messaged me on msn. he told me not to leave him. he was being very emotional. any other day i would have definitely taken him back. the difference is that this time i know i don't want this relationship. he is way too overprotective and i have become an unhappy person. i do love him VERY much. but i cannot handle "us".

 

he got mad in the end and told me to block him. so.......i did. i blocked him. wow. it's really over.

 

am i a bad person for this? i mean i wasn't being sweet to him. not rude, but he turned it around on me to make it seem like i left him this time. because i wouldn't take him back.

 

he emailed me this after i blocked him : "Can't take care of me can u. I told u. U can't handle it. Then y lie bout lovin me."

 

 

 

i emailed back saying this "yes i can take care of you. and i love you immensely with a big heart. but i can't be in a relationship like this. i need my freedom, i don't like the way things are with us. i feel like i was kept in so tight i was choking. i am done fighting and blaming you. no more drama. goodbye *********** "

 

he emailed back saying "U dnt love me coz its so ez 4 u 2 let go. U dnt even want me ur a liar. N the real reason is u can't take care of me. That's y u can't stop a fight or calm me down. N u blocked me. Havin no guts 2 face pain in any form for u. Ur too afraid n u lost me. Well wen u dnt hav ur pride nemore u wnt hav nothing. U lost me. Dnt u dare email bak. Keep ur love 2 urself its just fake n tricked. U were a huge mistake. "

 

make it stop

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Back to day 1 for you la'isla Ony you can make it stop. Don't reply. Try meditation. Get a racket and ball, and hit that ball as hard as you can against the garden wall. Make a list of all the world foods you haven't tried, and try them. Buy a book on mythology - that'll keep you busy for at least a month!

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offically been 3 weeks folks

 

Congrats - well done dude!

 

I let her carry on for like 5 minutes I told her im happy for you that is very good news after that I did the untinkable

 

Well done tiggboriqua - rip that plaster right off. You're doing great!

 

As for me, well last night was nice - nothing amazing. I got a good night's sleep, but have this "emptiness" or like a blank hole within me. I sem to remember reaing about something like that. I also very much miss my ex as someone to talk to. But kinda like someone I used ot talk to, if that makes sense. I dunno. I know I'll be seeing her again, but I'm kinda enjoying it not being right now.

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Day 9

 

It's been pretty good... it was my friend's birthday today and we went for a good ol' karaoke session (i seem to be going a LOT these days, haha)

 

she was also dumped by her gf so it was part lonely-hearts-club, part married-people-club, haha cuz there were two girls there who are married...

 

imagine the 'emo' songs we sang!!! LOL

 

was good. Tomorrow I move into the 'double-digits' zone, babY!

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Day 26

 

4 more days and I'll be done with the "official" challenge. I still have no intention of contacting him but I will respond if he tries to get in touch with me (which I highly doubt he will).

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DAY 5

 

today was an allright day. had a fun time with the girls. but tonight, i dunno ive jst gone from a high day to a low night...now that im home without the girls.

yea friendships are fullfilling, but i just miss being able to talk to him all the time by text, and tell him everything about my day...i hate it how when i do funny things, i think without thinking for just a millsecond "haha cant wait to tell him and make him laugh at that stupid thing i just did"...then i realize, oh wait, we dont talk anymore....

probally watched one too many soaps...where the girl has the happy ending of getting back with the guy... i just want to yell at the movie "but what about all the negitives about getting back together??" ... i hate how movies can be so unrealistic, and how when couples break up they rely on pure impulse...and not reason...

Its like movies are underhandingly brainwashing us into jumping into faulty relationships...without waying up the options, and seeing the reality of the situations!

We were never right for each other...he never deserved me by the way he treated me.

I hate the fact that hes out clubbing at the moment, proablly pissed blind, with all his shallow friends convincing him to go grab some chicks ass...

god how i wish i was 18....all the possibilities in which i could easily show him what he can never have, in the clubs, would be so very tempting!...but no, i know thats not healthy.

He no longer is a part of my life...its true. Its funny how i spend more time with people i hate, at school, then him...i havnt seen him in more then a month. Its like we've both dropped out of each other's worlds.

Its like half of my life no longer exists anymore...when ever i was with him, he took me into entire different world. No school, parties with people i dont know, law breaking activities haha, love, "godess" respect for my looks, and just so many conversations i never discuss with my friends.

Its weird...its like my life has gone from 3D to 2D....

Im getting used to it...im adjusting to my old life...its just weird not having that "get away" from my school/friend lifestyle anymore.

But i think its good i got rid of him and that lifestyle...i was going so downhill...i didnt care about school anymore, i didnt care about my future anymore, and he was slowly teaching me to not care about me anymore, he treated me like my insides were dead, like i was only a pretty frame, with nothing inside...but now ive got goals, im focused, i know im more then what he made me feel like and i know im going places.

His love was sickly blinding...

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Back to day 1 for you la'isla Ony you can make it stop. Don't reply. Try meditation. Get a racket and ball, and hit that ball as hard as you can against the garden wall. Make a list of all the world foods you haven't tried, and try them. Buy a book on mythology - that'll keep you busy for at least a month!

 

that's so selfish, while he is there crying why should i be there testing out foods and playing with balls..

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well i have initiated no contact since Tuesday, im supposed to be meeting her as a friend next week but im not sure i can do it as it will only lead to confusion. i met up with her two weeks ago and we shared a bed but didnt have sex but still i lead to some feelings coming back. so this is why i cut contact wish me luck!

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I'm calling this Day 1 because she IM'd me last night. I was caught off guard, it was 2am and she's never usually online, yet alone up at 2am! Pleasant little chat, basically we were discussing how we're both getting fed up of the clubbing scene and her upcoming 21st birthday.

 

I feel inspired right now. To write, create, express. Think I might just do that.

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day 17

 

like every saturday morning, i was feeling sad, but met a friend for coffee and listened to her problems with her non-commital boyfriend. made me feel good to help and give her advice from the lessons i've learned with my experience and reading here on ENA. then went out for a run in the sun - feeling better about myself today, i feel i'm taking baby steps towards a better state of mind. going to try to stay focused on getting healthy mentally/physically and being positive about my future!

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you know I read about everyone being contacted by their ex throught email,text,im, messaging and being sent back to day 1. its not so much that I plan on contacting her back but because she is making no initiation to try to get me to talk to her, even if it is playing headgames or trying to get me to persue her, i feel like this one might really want this done with no possible reconciliatoin for someday.

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Hi hesnotworthit,

 

I know exactly how you feel. You are on you high with friends and family but then the much dreaded moment of loneliness comes. I am with my friend without him but now my friend has gone to bed and it is me alone with my thought about him. So painful. But this is why we are all here and it is very nice to find people going through the same because even our best friends can only bear as much of our sufferings.

 

You are saying you were not caring for your school!! I am so happy that you are done with this person. He is totally not worth it! I know it is easy to say it but believe me, you are so lucky! You are so young and you don't know it. But I have had BF like that and I have cried a thousand rivers for him. But, today, I am so thankful I got rid of him! He did me the biggest favor by dumping me and he tried to come back later on. But it is too late. Same thing will happen to you, believe me.

 

Day 5 for me

 

I am with my friends close to where he lives but the odds of seeing him are one in a million, so I am calm. I had fun night with friends last night. On the morning, as usual, I woke up with this tearing feeling in the heart. But it got better.

 

I am expecting next weekend, by day 11-12 to be really tough. I don't have idea when it gets better at all. Some friends say somewhere at the end of the second month. I hope so... I am just praying to God to withhold from me the news about him having girlfriend, this I don't know how I will bear.

 

Unfortunately, I do want him suffer the way I am suffering now. I cannot forgive all this right now.

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I don't feel comfortable giving advice now that I myself need it. But it sounds like your ex is moving on. You should do the same (I know how this kills you). If he said you would talk soon, then let him call first, whenever this is. You still have hopes and this is why you want to check on him. I don't think this will help you. If he rejects you, you will suffer even more and he will know that you are there fore him no matter what.

 

I know how hard it is but we have to go on, even without them. This will only make us stronger. If they come back, then even better. But they have to do it, because THEY want it with all their heart.

 

Btw, I also have a calendar. You know what? The day you don't need this calendar any more will be the day you have moved on. I intend on keeping it until this day.

 

Good luck to you, may God give you all the strength you need!!

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I know very well about all these items that connect you with your ex in some way. I am even reluctant to ask for them because I am afraid I will break the NC or that I will fall for his traps again. I think they are a way for both sides to somewhat hold on to the past and not be completely scared from the future without this person.

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Wow! Today was such a great day! I'm actually happy at this job I'm working because of all the people I get to talk to. I'm interested in this woman at work. She just seems wonderful! I'll admit that I had butterflies when I first saw her and thought to myself "I just have to get to know her." Saw her today and finally got a chance to speak for a second. Just as lovely as I thought!

 

Planning to make a new friend on Tuesday and hangout with her.

 

Haven't thought too much about my wife because I know the negativity is gonna do a 360 when it's time to do paperwork. Ugh! WHY???

 

My life is FINALLY moving for ME not HER!

 

Off to jog!

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I miss my ex SO much. I'm really starting to face the truth: my ex doesn't miss me at all. NC is easy for him, while it is a torture for me.

 

Sometimes I feel like I should break NC and tell him how much I love him one last time...!

 

I still cannot imagine myself with anyone else.

 

At the same time, "our relationship" is more in the past than ever since our first break-up was over 1 year ago. Yes, we spent the last 6 months before january semi together, but the REAL relationship has been over for SO long.

 

I can't move on and I don't think I ever will.

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It's like a cake walk these days. I woke up this morning and didn't even think about him until about an hour after I had been awake. Aweeesome

 

Wow, I wish I am like that by the 14th day!!! Keep it up!!

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