THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brazilgirl21]

I guess the funny thing about my NC is that I don't need to make an effort to ignore him at all at all because my ex makes NO attempt to contact me.

 

It's like he doesn't even care if I'm dead or alive.

 

 

ps. sometimes I wonder if he checks this site? I mean, hopefully not, how psycho would we all look?

[LemonCheesecak]

Day X

 

I can't remember what day it is, also she got in touch with me to wish me good luck in an exam (shame it was AFTER I'd sat the bloody thing) and I knew she had one too that day so I replied wishing her luck, probably counts as breaking NC but whatever.

 

Not been on here in a few days. Been making the most of a new found sense of vitality! However this was thoroughly quashed today when I discovered my last few single friends have just become romantically involved. I'm fighting this battle alone now it seems.

 

To add to matters I was out with mixed group of friends on Tuesday, got introduced to a load of new people...most of whom seemed under the impression I was gay. Granted I'd had a few too many and was joking about letting one of my female friends put eyeliner on me for a laugh but come on! I'm starting to see a pattern, one of my gay mates (in trying to cheer me up) told me I was an attractive guy and shouldn't have such a lack of self esteem.

 

On the positive side, I'm starting to realise it's her friendship I'm missing now, not being in a relationship with her. Saying that, it'd be a great boost to get some attention from the fairer sex soon. The likelihood of that happening however, is slim.

[tujna]

At the end of day 3, I feel pretty good. Could it be that I am so fed up with all that breaking up stuff? It has been dragging for more than 2 months.

 

"If you are gonna leave, then you'd better get going."

[createhappiness]

Day 15 - i hope to one day be able to think of those moments where i felt true love from him - remember the look in his eyes, the time when he twirled me around on the beach in mexico, when nothing else mattered in this world except him and me - and not feel so much grief and agony of lost love. it just doesn't seem fair that those happy moments feel stolen from me, that i think of them and feel pain, when i should feel happy to have those memories.... it's not fair.... i hope to soon learn the reason why my world fell apart. the reason better be a good one...

[ToodlePip]

 

On the positive side, I'm starting to realise it's her friendship I'm missing now, not being in a relationship with her. Saying that, it'd be a great boost to get some attention from the fairer sex soon. The likelihood of that happening however, is slim.

 

I'm at that point. I've ignored her last email asking about our office move because I think I need to break away from the "addiction" of replying each time. But I really miss just talking with her. Thing is that these emails are not really talking - they are just prods to see whether work situation is ok. Friendship is usually based on some form of communication, particularly vocal, and so far all I know of her and her of me for the past month is that we both still have a job, and we've exchanged 2 or 3 2 line emails about that.

 

I ignored the last one cos she can only ask the same question so many times! I guess she's going to take it as me not wanting to talk to her anymore but I needed to go full NC.

 

Having a bit of success with girls (took one home last night) but once it gets to the bedroom it's a total disaster. My ex is on my mind, which means my body just won't do what I want it to do. Last night was really embarassing. Plus all the things that would get my ex off didn't work at all, so I feel like I'm not very good at it either now. Add copious amounts of alcohol and I'm in a thoroughly depressive state right now. And blabbering. Bah.

[LemonCheesecak]

ToodlePip, you definitely seem to have a good grasp of your own situation. And as ever, NC sounds like the right approach. My ex has been texting me infrequently but like you said its not really 'friendship'. It all feels like forced chit chat. She suggested we meet up for a catch up coffee soon, I'll probably go NC until she suggests it again, I won't be the one to make a date for it.

 

A bit of success is still success, you're already several steps ahead of me! Everyone has their bedroom disasters, even when they're in relationships. I can definitely see your confidence is improving, and will continue to. Soon enough your ex won't be getting a second thought.

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 8

 

I'm doing pretty well... last night i deleted his phone number from my phone and attempted an exercise in forgetting it since I know it by heart. Hope it works.

 

Wow. Never thought I would actually delete his number and all. It's weird.

 

I used to have a special ringtone just for him. It was 'our' song.

[ToodlePip]

Thanks Lemon, I appreciate your words of support. It's tough, isn't it? On one hand I feel insulted she hasn't offered to meet, on the other I've probably given her the vibe that I don't want to meet, and now that I haven't responded ot her last email I'm sort of facing the possibility I'll never hear from her again. So much for getting back together, or staying friends. When you say your ex has been texting, do you respond to her or not? Maybe I'm panicking too early - it's only been a week since she sent that email.

 

Haha - yeah I guess so. I was walking her back to the station and she suddenly brings up this "boyfriend" - if he exists she's a dirty scrubber, if he doesn't I must have been abysmal And I embarassed myself further by texting her this morning so she could have my number, and joked about hanging out and not having sex again. Very lame. She was only 20 though and man do you feel the age difference - they gibber about such rubbish... But it was kinda nice to spend some time with someone who is completely unjaded by life yet.

[LemonCheesecak]

20 year olds talk rubbish eh? Veering pretty close towards my age group on that one But not to worry, I can definitely agree with you.

 

Look at it this way, you attracted a younger girl. Just gotta keep trying, and feel good in the fact you've inspired me to make more of an effort.

 

I have been replying to the texts. I guess its like you said, I don't want to give off that negative vibe. But its been very innocuous, basically replying out of politeness. If she asks me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm fine and ask her how she's getting on with her studies blablabla. I wouldn't panic though, our recent texts are only because I sent her one to inform her she was getting the ol' Bebo block. A few conversations developed from there, elapsed over about 3 days. Haven't heard from her since Tuesday and certainly hoping I don't.

[ToodlePip]

20 year olds talk rubbish eh? Veering pretty close towards my age group on that one But not to worry, I can definitely agree with you.

 

I guess at 29 it was the exhuberance and excitement about things she was living through that I couldn't quite connect with, having lived through it all already. It felt a bit more like I imagine I would feel reliving my youth through my children, if that makes sense? Which is actually rather weird and I don't think I want to ponder too much on that Maybe that's why my heart wasn't quite in it - didn't really feel a connection.

 

Look at it this way, you attracted a younger girl. Just gotta keep trying, and feel good in the fact you've inspired me to make more of an effort.

 

Good, I'm glad. I've spent the last couple of weeks working on it - posted some stuff in the attraction forum. Gotta say I'm pleased with my progress regardless of last night, and it definitely helps your self-esteem, even if the failures sting that little bit more at the moment. But just expect major mental issues about your ex - she still pops up in my mind halfway through all this stuff, which of course is really off-putting.

 

Ah well, keep calm and carry on, as always. I've got a nice night in tonight to look forward to (i hope - i said that last night) and then out again on saturday. I'm half-expecting some major breakdown though - probably when I discover she's with someone else. I've noticed I've started to get a bit paranoid when certain people text me out of the blue asking how I am - I'm like "why do you ask, do you know something I don't that would mean I'm not?" I guess at least I'll be half-expecting it.

[ToodlePip]

Day 8

 

I'm doing pretty well... last night i deleted his phone number from my phone and attempted an exercise in forgetting it since I know it by heart. Hope it works.

 

Wow. Never thought I would actually delete his number and all. It's weird.

 

I used to have a special ringtone just for him. It was 'our' song.

 

Best of luck with that ScorpiGal - the day I deleted her number was the day I could really trust myself not to contact her.

 

Keep the excercises up - here's a few more:

 

link removed

 

I like this one:

 

Scratch up the memory when you first learned it, run it backwards, add circus music, make the colours run together. You could then swish it, or work with other submodalities.

 

and this one

 

Make a strong visual representation in your mind of what you want to forget. Now take a HUGE COMICAL PENCIL in your hand and flip it over so that the BIG PINK ERASER is near what you want to get rid of. Go to work! Be specific, and ONLY ERASE the parts of the picture that you don't want to exist any more. Give yourself some silly music to go along with it if you want.

[LemonCheesecak]

I suppose if I work on it too that'll help my "I'm not gay" case previously mentioned! And yeah, I know the paranoia. A few old friends who kinda drifted off have been back in touch with me recently, doesn't help being a naturally paranoid person.

 

Also the majority of people in my age group are like that, however there seems to be a select bunch of us who have decided to distance ourselves from this whole enthusiasm thing and take every new day with a sense of skepticism. An inherent problem I'm also working on

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 4

 

i must say today was a good day. without him.

exams are over, so got to go back to school and hang with the gals...laughed so much that i cried, i dont remember the last time ive done that since we've been broken up. And it made me think of more positive outcomes that have come out of this relationship axe, i get to spend the last half of my final year, spending valueable time with all my besties before we all depart! Time i may of never had if i was still with him.

I went out for tea, got wolf wislled by 3 cars of cute p-platers, that was an instant ego boost that im still loveable by the opposite sex haha...

Watched the whole season of the hills, without relating every relationship to how ours was...got inspired for my future of leaving school and becoming successfull in life even without him, i didnt even cry when Hidi broke up with Jordan (the sadest break up ever!)...i remember crying watching someone cry on the biggest loser the first week we broke up haha.

 

Yea, i still thought about him a lot today...but you know, its less, and i hardly felt my heart drop when i did...

I can, and could of, done so so so much better then him...

Everyday im finding im not only moving on, but seeing the true reality of him.

[tujna]

DAY 4

 

Yea, i still thought about him a lot today...but you know, its less, and i hardly felt my heart drop when i did...

I can, and could of, done so so so much better then him...

Everyday im finding im not only moving on, but seeing the true reality of him.

 

hesnotworthit, this is such good news for you. Of course, there will be hard moments but it will all get better.

 

Day 4 for me as well

 

I am usually waking up with a pain in my heart and wish I hadn't woken up at all. The best feeling is to sleep and not think about it. This is the best consolation, I wish it could last longer. Otherwise, I will be visiting friends this weekend and I hope this takes me away from my situation. I know I love him and I miss him but there is no way for us to be together right now even if we die without each other... until he wants to work it out as much as I do. Right now he doesn't, he just wants to run away and quit because it is too hard to work it out. This is the truth.

[Wanted]

Entering Day 3

 

I want her back so bad....but at the same time this is the third time she breaks my heart!

[LemonCheesecak]

Feeling a bit rubbish right now. I've lost a friend.

[ToodlePip]

Feeling a bit rubbish right now. I've lost a friend.

 

You've made a few more here, and you'll make more when you start approaching new people. Not quite the same I know, but until you meet the next "best friend", it'll keep you going.

[LemonCheesecak]

You've made a few more here, and you'll make more when you start approaching new people. Not quite the same I know, but until you meet the next "best friend", it'll keep you going.

 

I think its mostly that "Friday Night" feeling and the fact nobody has really suggested anything so I'll most likely be having a night in. Just had an amusing IM conversation with my oldest friend and that's picked up my spirits a bit. Goal for the day: keep occupied, because its one of those days where if my mind wanders I'll be back to a place I haven't been all week!

[ToodlePip]

I've got a quiet one in as well. In fact, my sister has a quiet night in and she rolls with the london fashion industry set, so! I think she's also in on Saturday. Just goes to show - friday night telly with a pizza delivery or whatever isn't that uncool. (or mung beans or whatever she eats right now )

 

In fact, I remember going round to hers one friday, a couple of weeks after the breakup - didn't have much of a social life and she was essentially helping me keep busy. I was moaning about not being out on a friday and she told me I was being ridiculous. I can see her point now - I tend to be out most other days of the week now I've been filling my time, and I'm really looking forward to tonight

[LemonCheesecak]

I've got a quiet one in as well. In fact, my sister has a quiet night in and she rolls with the london fashion industry set, so! I think she's also in on Saturday. Just goes to show - friday night telly with a pizza delivery or whatever isn't that uncool. (or mung beans or whatever she eats right now )

 

Actually I am being quite good to myself tonight, this breakup has inspired me to do a lot more of my own cooking, so tonight I'm venturing into Japanese cuisine, that's an hours worth of entertainment right there.

 

I couldn't manage this whole going out malarkey all the time, it'd end me, and I'm supposed to be a student. I do enjoy a good night in, provided there's decent entertainment/company.

[Jabbe]

I feel so great today! Feels like I'm walking on air! I realized that she's always gonna be bitter about this and that it won't change anything. I'm doing a great job of taking care of myself by excercising and doing more to look appealing by changing my style in clothing.

 

My confidence is through the roof, and it's all because I'm not dealing with that pessimistic, non-supportive, possessive, controlling, and abusive woman!

 

Who knew letting go could feel so good?

 

I could talk to her now and not see it as a big deal, but I'm just gonna prolong this as much as I need to. We're still married, so we're gonna have to talk at some point. I'm going for at least 3 months.

[FriendnorFoe]

day 20 folks

[tiggboriqua]

I Accept the challenge

 

 

 

that was my original post I been reading so many posts here I was up till 8 am and slept for 4 hours I wanted to call her but like she said we need to work out issues I realized she is not ready and I am not ready

 

 

After seen her yesterday my head was spining I got restless I analized what she said how she acted over and over this is torture I love her so much it hurts

 

God Help me ... Day one

[hesnotworthit]

Aww thank you Yeh, im just finding everyday my strength is growing, and i can handle those bad days and react to them in the way i should.

 

Sleep is what i love too...it helps turn off your brain and in a way it controls your thoughts in ways you cant when your awake, it stalls the pain. When we first broke up i slept sooo much, it was rediculous though, cuz when i woke up the pain was still there, i was just stalling facing the music! But i agree with you, if only it could last longer!

 

Sounds like a fun weekend, i hope its a him-free one

I also cant wait for this weekend, shopping with the girls, then going out with them...cant waittt!!

 

It's good your admiting reality, a way i thought about my ex reguarding trying to fix things and get back together was that, if he put in no effort into fixing things then, hes probally not going to put in any effort now...so hes really not worth it. It shows how much stronger you are, in the fact that you want to face reality and improve things, when hes really taking the cowards way out!

 

I hope you have an awsome weekend without him

[brazilgirl21]

I'm pretty down today. I feel SO disconnected from my ex. It's painful to think that he doesn't miss me AT ALL and attempt NO CONTACT with me and is probably happy with his new girlfriend.

 

NC is torture. Sometimes I want to break it just to hear at least that he cares... you know??