THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[tujna]

hesnotworthit:

 

If he is not worth your pain, why do you want to stay friends? How can you be friends with someone who was not making any effort while you were together? It is not worth analyzing. Just let things play out the way they are supposed to.

 

I am on day 2 and feel OK, stronger than I thought, did not have a major breakdown yet. I think it might get harder after a week or so. The good thing for all of us it that these are the hardest days. It will only get easier, right?

[tujna]

Hey, I thought this song might be helpful to all of us with the NC. You can find it on Youtube.

 

Artist: Emerson Hart

Song: If You're Gonna Leave

Album: Popular Songs

[buy "Popular Songs" CD]

 

Maybe i'm the joker

Maybe i'm the fool in your eyes

Maybe i'm the weak one

Maybe i'm a lie in disguise

Maybe i'm angry

Cause i'm the one whos always wrong

Maybe i'm not the one whos so strong

But did ya think about it

Did ya pull it in and pull out

Could you live without me

Did you ever really have a doubt

But do you understand it baby

When you say its over its done

Maybe i'm not the one

 

So If you're gonna Leave

Ya you better get going

Cause I ain't wasting no more time

What ya did and what ya didn't

So if you're gonna leave

Ya you better start running

Cause I ain't wasting no more time

What it might have been

 

We can stand on reason

We can fight about all the things

This isn't for forever

This is more than a wedding ring

But do you understand it baby

When you say its over its done

Maybe i'm not the one

 

So If you're gonna Leave

Ya you better get going

Cause I ain't wasting no more time

What I did and what I didn't

So if you're gonna leave

Ya you better start running

Cause I ain't wasting no more time

 

Whoa did it happen again

The things that you wanted

for being a friend

How did it happen again

Just look onward baby

cause some day you might need a friend

 

So If you're gonna Leave

Ya you better get going

Cause I ain't wasting no more time

What We did and what we didn't

So if you're gonna leave

Ya you better start running

Cause I ain't wasting no more time

I ain't wasting no more time

What it might have been

[FriendnorFoe]

Moving on is going well if my favor, lately I have been looking forward to all the things I want to acomplish for myself, and for the first time I thought, I dont really care if she does call me but if she does I dont even know if I would go back, I am really getting in touch with the person I used to be and can say that I am regaining the love for myself I lost, I also have been very talkative and flirty with girls lately, my self-cofidence is pretty high for some reason, go figure, have been spending more time with my family, people that know my situation are kinda stumped even to why I am not depressed, you prolly wouldnt even know I have been recently dumped if you met me, this really has been a "journey" like people have stated, I know its not over either, but I do feel like I am on the right path and have made all the right decesions in the process of NC thanks to myself and others on this board, for that thank you wise-ones

[tujna]

This sounds so encouraging... How long has it been since NC? Sorry, just saw it was 18. This is pretty good result for just 18 days. Keep it that way!

[hesnotworthit]

hesnotworthit:

 

If he is not worth your pain, why do you want to stay friends? How can you be friends with someone who was not making any effort while you were together? It is not worth analyzing. Just let things play out the way they are supposed to.

 

 

thats a good point. i think a way im copeing right now, is to look to the future...like its ok hes not here now, cause he might be in the future, as a friend. Which i know is bad, cuz he simply isnt worth it...i just find rejection hard to handle, and if he rejects my friendship too, it makes the pain more intense. I tend to put up with the worst, in some ways because i dont want to feel rejected, or have less company, less people to make me feel valueable. Which i know i shouldnt...but i do.

 

Thanks for the insight

[FriendnorFoe]

This sounds so encouraging... How long has it been since NC? Sorry, just saw it was 18. This is pretty good result for just 18 days. Keep it that way!

 

Thanks, I am at the point where I dont really care about counting the number, just doing it the for the sake of posting my progress towards 30 days on this thread, then after graduation its time to further my career at the 90 day no loser program for my masters degree

[tujna]

Thanks, I am at the point where I dont really care about counting the number, just doing it the for the sake of posting my progress towards 30 days on this thread, then after graduation its time to further my career at the 90 day no loser program for my masters degree

 

Haha, sounds like we are gonna lose you soon... I am aspiring for this thread as well but am not sure whether I will graduate from the current one. At least I made a big step toward getting grasp of the reality that you cannot possibly stop someone who wants to go.

[ScorpiGal83]

One typical excercise (there's loads if it doesn't work, I'll help you out if you need more) is

 

close your eyes and visualise the phone number written down very clearly on a scrap of paer. Really see it in your mind. Then visualise a roaring fire. Get to the point where you can see both really clearly through concentration. Then "throw" the scrap of paper in the fire. Visualise it burning, see the numbers burning and disappearing one by one.

 

Repeat a few times, maybe once a day. I've got rid of some really bad memories of the breakup this way. It won't erase things completely, but dull things if that makes sense. Give it a go!

 

Sounds easy enough - I'll give it a go tonight before bed. Heh.

 

Today is Day 7. wow. A whole week of NC. How ever did I manage?

 

It wasn't too hard....

[FriendnorFoe]

Haha, sounds like we are gonna lose you soon... I am aspiring for this thread as well but am not sure whether I will graduate from the current one. At least I made a big step toward getting grasp of the reality that you cannot possibly stop someone who wants to go.

 

you will, I have all the faith in you. I doubted myself the first couple of days, but in reading about all the NC I decieded to stick it out, everyone has to find their own emotional outlets and what works best for them, but you are already enrolled in this university, it would be far more beneficial to you to stay then drop out. best of luck in your journey friend

[FriendnorFoe]

One typical excercise (there's loads if it doesn't work, I'll help you out if you need more) is

 

close your eyes and visualise the phone number written down very clearly on a scrap of paer. Really see it in your mind. Then visualise a roaring fire. Get to the point where you can see both really clearly through concentration. Then "throw" the scrap of paper in the fire. Visualise it burning, see the numbers burning and disappearing one by one.

 

Repeat a few times, maybe once a day. I've got rid of some really bad memories of the breakup this way. It won't erase things completely, but dull things if that makes sense. Give it a go!

 

I have a similar practice, techniwue I have been using. I take all the memories I have of us in pictures and visualize black ink being poured all over them. So in a way they are not totally non-existent as they would be burned up in a fire, we cannot erase our memories, in this way I am just choosing to not acknoledge them.

[brazilgirl21]

I went on a date, and well, not doing me any favors. I'm not ready, but will I ever be??

 

I like this lyrics:

 

Nada Surf, If you leave (OMD Cover)

 

 

If you leave, don't leave now

Please don't take my heart away

Promise me just one more night

Then we'll go our separate ways

We've always had time on our sides

Now it's fading fast

Every second every moment

We've gotta make it last

 

I touch you once I touch you twice

I won't let go at any price

I need you now like I needed you then

You always said we'd still be friends, someday

 

If you leave I won't cry

I won't waste a single day

But if you leave don't look back

I'll be running the other way

Seven years went under the bridge

Like time was standing still

Heaven knows what happens now

You've got to say you will

 

I touch you once I touch you twice

I won't let go at any price

I need you now like I needed you then

You always said we'd meet again, someday

 

I touch you once I touch you twice

I won't let go at any price

I need you now like I needed you then

You always said we'd meet again someday

 

If you leave

If you leave

Don't look back

Don't look back

[IBelieve]

Another day gone by..

 

Work was pretty busy so I didn't have much time to think about my ex or my 'best friend' which is good. I am going to be home alone for a month or so... its so quiet around here and it really magnifies the loneliness that I am feeling.

 

I can't believe it has almost been a week already.. for some reason the time has passed by so quickly. I try to stay semi-cheerful by telling myself that there is still someone out there for me.. I just haven't met her yet.

 

 

[ScorpiGal83]

Only now do I really appreciate the meaning of this song..

 

Ash - Sometimes

 

Can't sleep in the city, you're far away

Cigarettes keep me skinny

And my mind off the rain

Oh sometimes, sometimes

Oh sometimes, sometimes

 

Feelings are distant, and I know guilt by name

It was the hardest thing, watching you slip away

Oh sometimes, sometimes

Oh sometimes, sometimes

 

Sometimes it happens, feelings die,

Whole years are lost in the blink of an eye

We once had it all but events conspired

Oh sometimes

 

Good morning sweet thing, you're safe in my hands

I am no saint, but I understand

Oh sometimes, sometimes

Oh sometimes, sometimes

 

Sometimes it happens, feelings die,

Whole years are lost in the blink of an eye

We once had it all but events conspired

Oh sometimes

Now that it is over, it is through

It gets me every time I think of you

And sometimes it happens, feelings die

Oh sometimes

 

I miss your warm skin beside me at night

And I miss your flesh in the dawn light

Oh sometimes, sometimes

Oh sometimes, sometimes

 

Sometimes it happens, feelings die,

Whole years are lost in the blink of an eye

We once had it all but events conspired

Oh sometimes

 

Saturn's decline in my star sign

Seasonal adjustments, stars realign

Sometimes it happens, feelings die

Oh sometimes, sometimes

[ToodlePip]

Bad day today. Still finding it cripplingly difficult to chat to girls I don't know without the crutch of copious amounts of alcohol, so not really feeling I'm truly moving on. My life feels really unstructured at the moment, all my good habits I was working on have gone out the window, drinking too regularly etc. I'm taking the next few days off to stay in and sort myself out. I need a plan. My self-esteem and confidence are still massively fluctuating.

[BrokenheartUK]

Day 57

 

I miss her so much. I have accepted it's over forever but just can't imagine anyone else in my future like her. All I imagine in my future is her still and it's completely futile as she is never coming back. I know she was my soul mate and what did I do? I threw her away. She deserves to be as happy as I know she is and she deserves her new boyfriend's love and commitment, the one thing I couldn't fully give her. It still doesn't change my feelings of love for her.

 

Most of all, I miss my friend.

[uj2004]

Thanks, I am at the point where I dont really care about counting the number, just doing it the for the sake of posting my progress towards 30 days on this thread, then after graduation its time to further my career at the 90 day no loser program for my masters degree

 

Damn, maybe I shot early in the 24 seconds when I said I thought you would get back with your ex. 17 days for me now of NC...

[jaylh25]

Day 57

 

I miss her so much. I have accepted it's over forever but just can't imagine anyone else in my future like her. All I imagine in my future is her still and it's completely futile as she is never coming back. I know she was my soul mate and what did I do? I threw her away. She deserves to be as happy as I know she is and she deserves her new boyfriend's love and commitment, the one thing I couldn't fully give her. It still doesn't change my feelings of love for her.

 

Most of all, I miss my friend.

 

Feel for you mate, im going through the same.

 

Thats the hardest bit.. losing your friend. It will get better I know, just hang in there.

[BrokenheartUK]

Thanks Jay.

 

That's the hardest thing I have found about this; not being able to speak to, see or have any contact with the one person in the world you want to the most. The other thing I find hardest to deal with is the knowledge that she is completely happy and getting on with her life, while I still feel this pain everyday. I know I'm the only one who has the power to make myself happy, but each day brings fresh reminders and hurdles to overcome.

[Ixtapa]

Day 24

 

Its been 53 days since I last really contacted him (24 days ago, I commented on a common friend's picture on FB but the comment was obviously aimed at my ex so I went back to day 1 of NC).

 

Its really strange, I was talking to someone about breaking NC in the next few days coz I will be travelling to his home country soon and I wanted him to know I will be hanging out with his friends (including his very best friend).

I now realise I am not yet ready to get back in touch with him. Deep down I am still angry and though Im telling myself I just want to be friends with him, I have to admit it is not what I truly hope for. So I will keep doing NC....and see how it goes when I meet up with his friends there....

[Wanted]

Entering Day 2

 

I miss her SOOO much, can't stop thinking about her!

[tujna]

Day 3

 

For first time I felt the panic when I started imagining the future without him. I guess it is best to withhold these thought for now. All I know is I cannot go on like that, seeing him on and off, being together and then separating. "If you are gonna leave, then you'd better start going." It will be all fine. I don't deserve someone who doesn't know what he wants.

[tujna]

you will, I have all the faith in you. I doubted myself the first couple of days, but in reading about all the NC I decieded to stick it out, everyone has to find their own emotional outlets and what works best for them, but you are already enrolled in this university, it would be far more beneficial to you to stay then drop out. best of luck in your journey friend

 

Thank you... I have already fell in the trap of thinking that by calling and seeing him I will change something. I have had enough. I intend to do better this time. I will be content if at the end of the 30 days the pain is a little bit less and the world is not as gray. I want to get to the point where I am able to live for myself and not for someone else...

 

Good luck to you too... It seems that you are handling it pretty well, this is soo encouraging.

[brazilgirl21]

Got back from my therapist/doctor. Blah, I have depression. Think about how you guys are strong and didn't get a REAL mental illness from the break-up like I did. I'm proud of you guys and feel so weak. Oh well, great, my ex is lucky. He got rid of a depressive person.

[FriendnorFoe]

gorgeous day outside, feels good to be out of work. think ill just chill outside in the sun, put some tunes on maybe have a beer or two, probably go for a jog later this evening b4 I take a shower, lifes good

[lauramed]

Day 8

 

Received 2 phone calls from him last night. Didn't answer either one and in fact called my sister after the first one so that I wouldn't hear the phone ring again. Left a message on my voice mail and I haven't listened to it yet. No strong enough to hear his voice because then I'm going to be so tempted to call him and I just can't talk to him yet. I've got to stop making myself so available to him unless he tells me he made a huge mistake. Yet it's so hard not calling him back. I know that I have to stay with NC but at the same time I don't want him to think that I just don't care anymore. I'm going to stick with it and stay strong today and see how I feel tomorrow.