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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 2 NC

 

Just like yesterday I really struggled and thought about her all day long. Went and watched Breaking Dawn 2 and that stirred up all kinda emotions. The last scene of the movie almost made me get up and leave because the pain was so intense. I drove by her house today, the reason? I have no idea. I just wanted to see her car and house. I've got to stop doing that. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I am scared to death to ignore her next text or phone call. Of course, I may not get one as I have initiated all contact after the breakup. I got to move on

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Oops. NC day 1

I bit on breadcrumbs she left or me on Friday. She wanted to see if we could start up a friendship again. I basically said I was not ready yet. No harm at that point. But, and maybe some of you can understand, my mind kept slipping into the thought of "maybe this is a window back to her" all weekend(she also stated in the text she wasn't dating anyone). I tried to be prudent about it in my head and see the situation realistically.

 

Last night, I sent a text to her in essence stating that I didn't understand her motives about a friendship since it was a relatively recent break up (1.5 months). I told her I know she's moved on, but that she can't possibly expect me to have the same feelings as her at this point. (I also wanted to set myself straight that getting back together was not on her mind)

And she kind of blew up at me. She was already agitated by unrelated issues (I didn't know). Then she laid down a breadcrumb I couldn't refuse...."You missed all the signs I gave you." This was news to me, so I called her. It didn't go well at all. But, I did finally get to say everything I wanted her to hear from me. I got her to apologize for the callous way she ended things. And I set my mind straight on any possible "getting back together" scenario.

 

So yeah, NC day 1 again. (I had just hit 30 last week too)

I feel like crap, but also, kind of relieved. I got a lot off my chest and a lot answered from her. Moving forward again.

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Day 7

 

Thanks rachellsa. Well, I'm not going to expect her to contact me at all. We ended in a bad note, and if she does contact me, it will probably a year or more from now. But I doubt she'll ever contact me again. She is already talking to another guy, while I am feeling worthless and abandoned and lonely. I just think it's messed up how she could just do all these after four years. But anyhow, the last day was pretty okay. I went to the store with my mom and sis to buy a new microwave. It was raining and that weather fit my emotions perfectly. I watched Angels and Demons movie and Inception. I saw Inception in theaters when it came out, but I can watch that movie any time. Other than that, I had a great night, not happy I must say, but not feeling as horrible as compared to days after she cut off communications. When I woke up this morning, that feeling of loss came to me again. I hate how every time I wake up, there's always that feeling that misses her and that feeling of regret and all sad emotions. When I go to sleep, I feel fine. It's when I wake up in the morning that's really annoying right now. I get my pay today, so I'm pretty happy with that expectation at least.

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I think so! Probably not every day. I'm going to be going home for 3 weeks for christmas and I don't think I will go onto ENA while I am there. But I will post little updates. My goal is to never speak to my ex again. Even though I feel very 'over it' right now I don't want to slip back into that emotional sand trap.

 

BIG life update: I met a man on the way to work today. He's everything on my dream 'list' of thigns I wanted in a husband. Worldly, yet American, intelligent (he'd has to be with his job and educational pedigree), successful, the right age (mid 30s) and tall And he seems really into me and confident. From my limited internet stalking and our little chats I'm very very intrigued. If he's an optomist and the spark is really there I think I am going to have a very good winter

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DAY 1

I've decided to go NC on my ex. This is the first day of NC and the only contact we had was for work. At the end of a seminar that we had at work today, he told me "good job". I just said "thanks". No calls, no messages. It's been 8 months since the breakup and I've stopped answering his calls. I've told him earlier that I can't speak to him and would prefer to text - because he can't hear my pain when he doesn't hear my voice. Anyway, today was the first day that I didn't text him for any non-official stuff. It was just work related, and then that dreadful silence.

 

The hardest part is that I know that if I am silent, he is sure to contact me. I miss his beloved voice so much and when I see his messages on my mobile phone, it makes my heart leap. But I need to remember that he is no longer in love with me. If he was, he wouldn't keep hurting me like this. It's going to be terribly difficult to NOT respond when he gets in touch with me for non-official stuff, which I am sure he will do. When I tried to go NC earlier, he used to text me if he didn't hear from me for more than a day. It would usually be something like, "Hey I hope you're okay. Haven't heard from you in a while". And I just couldn't ignore him when he seemed to care. But I guess I need to stop allowing myself to get hurt. I'm going to try hard to stick to NC as much as I can. If he tries to contact me I'll just not respond to his messages...or rather, I'll try my best. I don't know if this is going to work out. I yearn so much for him and each time I close my eyes, it brings back all the hurt and pain before me. I thought it would get better after 8 months but it has only gotten worse. Will I ever get over him? How do I live with this pain? I don't know if it will ever get less. Just got to somehow hold on. Anyway....DAY 1 of NC. Hope I can stick to it...for my sake.

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Day 8 -

 

I have no urge to actually reach out to my ex. I know where I stand. I know where she stands. I'm also not doing no contact to heal. That's stupid. I don't need it to heal. I'm doing it because I don't want to be her friend or be in her life if I can't be her boyfriend/fiancee/husband. Hopefully she'll come back in a few weeks or months.

 

So yup. Day 8.

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Day 1

 

I have tried to remain friends with my ex for the past month and it has not worked. We broke up after almost 4 months, I tried to win her back for 3 months, and we have been friends this last month. This past Sunday we were together and she brought up how we used to be around this time before exams with her in my bed studying all the time and waking up next to me. We later ended up making love that night with her initiating everything even after just a month before she had stated how there was no longer anything between us. Friday night and Saturday morning it happened again. Come to find out, she feels guilty that it all happened because she is worried that she is keeping me from moving on when she already has. I can't believe she said something like that to me and is so cold. She also made sure to mention that in those 3 months I attempted to get her back she fell out of love with me the harder I tried for her. The last I saw her was Sunday afternoon. I sent her a text this afternoon to wish her luck on her exam today and got a good luck to you too response. I realize now that there is no way we are going to be able to be friends if she is going to do this to me. I will not be some jump off for her to fall back on when times get tough and no one else is there for her. She herself even suggested that it might be for the best that we stop talking or associating since I am not over her. I think it is time to take that advice. We have a break coming up after exams and I won't be back here at school until January 5th so that will be 32 days starting now. I plan on making it through this entire break without talking to her and seeing what happens. If reconciliation is to occur I can foresee that it will take a very very long time for her to ever miss me again. She has completely changed and is no longer the girl I fell in love with.

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Make that Day 1.

 

LOL. I sent some popcorn to my ex that she hadn't had in 2 years. It is a special brand. She's always talking about it. Just told her to enjoy snacking on it while she studies for finals. I sent it a while back, arrived today. She reached out with the thank you good memory stuff. We sent some emails back and forth.

 

Now back to NC.

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Day 3 of NC

 

Only got 5 hours sleep last night and woke up at 2am thinking about her as usual. The rest of the morning was ok. I made the 45min drive to work and most of the time I was thinking about joining a dating service and meeting many other women. I probably spent 20min solid thinking about another woman other than my ex...that has got to be healthy. I recognized the small amount of confidence and thought to myself "enjoy it because the next wave of pain is right around the corner." Around 10am the pain became a reality. I struggled the rest of the day to get her off my mind. Sometimes the memories are so strong, I get stomach cramps. I just got back from crossfit, that seems to be the only peace I have at times. I would rather feel the pain of a crossfit workout than the pain of missing her anyday.

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Day 7 NC

 

One week wow. What a week. Feel a lot better. Decision was right one. Excited about other things in my life. Read book called NLP technology of achieving if u want healthy way to change your attitude. You'll see NC and everything else you do for you as easy.

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Day 30

I made it!! I can't believe it! I have come so far in the last 30 days. I went from this abandoned girl paralyzed by pain to someone excited about my life. I'm really happy. My concentration at work is back. My existing friendships are stronger and I have new hobbies with new friends. I feel relieved that the chapter of my life involving the ex is over. Now I can live my life completely for myself. And when I love someone again I am going to be very careful to make the right choice.

 

For me the second week was the hardest, particularly day 9. A thing I did that I think really helped was go on an exciting site-seeing vacation from days 11-18. It really got me out of the habit of thinking of my ex all the time AND got me out of the apt I lived in my my ex. I went by myself, which I think was great for my confidence and sense of independence.

 

I encourage everyone to keep NC. I really think that those days, those moments, where you want to contact but instead hold strong and find the peace you are looking for within yourself; THOSE are the moments are you healing. It's not just about the length of time but the number of times you are able to find your comfort from a source other than the ex.

Edited by zep
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Yay zep! I think you're amazing! So glad you're so positive!

 

Having a weird day today, off work cause I'm not feeling 100%, there's lots of sickness bugs going round. Unfortunately tonight was meant to be my first date night. Still don't know if I'm going to call it off as its 10 hours away and I may feel better. In regards to no contact its day 18 for me. He text me last night that he was dropping some of my stuff off. I was out, he left it on the door step, yay he finally got the hint that I didn't want to come collect it. He also said he presumed I'd changed my number (probably because that's the 4th text I hadn't replied to) and that he hopes I'm well. I just thought "ugh" to be honest, go away. I truly think that'll be the last I hear from him now. It's not like his texts are 'breadcrumbs' because they only ever concern things like him finding my things at his house or that the tail lights out on my car. They're more texts that are trying to alleviate his guilt, the way he words them are superficially friendly, like he's trying to reinstate he's the good guy. Either that or he's reallllly stupid and doesn't actually realise that when I said I never wanted to see or speak to him again he thought I was joking or something!

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Day 8

 

I'd have to say it was a somewhat hard past day. I got my pay yesterday, and I was pretty happy about that. I read the book I'm reading and while I'm reading, I couldn't focus. She keeps popping up in my head. I switched back and forth from reading and watching basketball on TV. Clippers versus Jazz, and it was a great game. I didn't watch the entire game, but glad I watched the last few minutes because the Clips ended up winning 105-104. It was great. But seriously, she just won't leave my mind. Whatever I'm doing, she seems to keep popping up. Last night, I slept around 11pm. But then I woke up around 4am. I couldn't get back to sleep, but I forced myself to. When I did get back to sleep, I had my first dream of my ex. It made me want to text or contact her at that exact time, even if it was that early. But I managed to control myself, and I stopped myself from contacting her. Just past the first week, and I'm not liking how she's starting to pop up slightly more in my head. I loved her, and the good times we've had keeps popping up. A friend of mine shared a link on my fb yesterday about a forum I used to go to, and it happened to be the forum where I met my ex. Omg, why. Maybe that link caused me to have flashbacks of the good times. But I keep reminding myself that those good times were long gone, and I remind myself of the current time, how me and my ex constantly fought. How she always complains of the long distance (funny how she's in another LDR with someone that's a few hours drive away from where I am), how she's insecure of herself, her low self-esteem, and she was pretty bossy. She kept forcing me to read books, and if I don't, she gets upset. I just remind myself why our past relationship was becoming toxic near the end. I remind myself the honeymoon stage was the past, and it was gone. The times after that really showed that me and her were not compatible.

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Day 1 of NC

 

I talked to my ex last night. It was just to 'catch up' but of course, I steer the conversation to us, the future, his depression. That's not what he needs right now. I got some great advice here today. The more I pull him toward me, the more he will push away. I can't have every time we talk be about us, and the future and his depression. He will only feel pressured and not want to talk anymore.

He said he'd like to talk 'in moderation' and keep it positive...But my head's not in the right place to have conversations where I pretend everything is wonderful and I keep everything positive. I think it would be best to not contact him until I can get happy on my own again. I would be hurting us both if I did otherwise.

I'm sure it did him a great disservice to bring all of that up again last night. I know it made me feel terrible after talking to him. I've been crying at work all today because of it.

I had a text written out in my phone before I found this post. I just wanted to say something light and funny to him to keep things non-pressured. I deleted the text. No contact. I need to remember what it's like to be happy without him and he needs to get help with his depression-I need to respect that he asked for time and space.

This is going to be a long 30 days.

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Day 62.

 

The burning desire to ask "why, oh God why??" ever present, still miss her like crazy, but have no other real reason to contact so it's no problem. She's slowly just fading into someone I used to know, a memory I can no longer relate to, other girls are getting my interest when not too long ago she was the only one I had eyes for... in a way kind of sad but seeing as this is the definition of letting go and moving on I guess this is what I want.

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Day 33.

 

I forgot what day I was on so I had to look at my calendar and count. I think that's a very good sign! ^_^

 

I've actually got two dates coming up. One this weekend and another the weekend after. Both are guys who have been messaging me on POF. I've had a lot of guys message me on there but these are only two that actually seem interesting and share a lot of mutual interests with me. I've never done the online dating thing before so meeting them will be a new experience.

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Day 4 of NC

This morning was kinda the same as yesterday morning...I felt good. Driving to work I could feel my confidence coming back some. During the mid day, (as always) thoughts of her kinda consumed me. I try to block them out of my head, and that is really really hard. Good news today! A mutual friend put me in contact with a friend of hers who is 35 single (no kids). I thought she would be lacking in the attractive area, but she is smokin! I am 33 so I'm just a bit younger....I've already started working my game lol. This does bring up an interesting thought though. When I saw the pic of this girl and started talking to her, I basically forgot about my ex. My ex is already dating someone else...so you can bet she don't give a crap about me when she is with him...just a realization. I actually want her to date others...my value will shine throught in the end...

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Day 2 of NC

Had a dream about her last night where we got back together. Woke up this morning feeling like complete crap because of the dream. Managed to make it through the day but my studies are still being affected by this all and it is finals this week. Probably going to have to stay up all night tonight and pull an all nighter. I miss the way things used to be this time last semester. She was always with me to keep me focused and calm. We bounced dedication to school off one another. A part of me really wants to talk to her but at the same time I am so angry and hurt that I just know it wouldn't lead anywhere. Hopefully this break coming up will allow me to put my mind at ease and figure out how to find my old self again. I want to get back to running and start lifting.

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