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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 6

 

I'm alot better , not hurt from the breakup at all , feel good about myself , and been doing some fun stuff lately . stopped "obssesing" about making sure I dealt with this right too . I'm pretty calm about everything , but honestly...I'm just bored .

 

I do keep myself occupied with focusing on things that I like , but I still miss her being part of my life . her beautiful smile and our chats and cuddling together . just feels like I have this huge empty space in my life . and no-one is that interesting to me like she was *sigh* oh well . contacting her won't bring it back to how things used to be (the way things are right now) so I guess I'll just get used to this...

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Good on you SoulSilver. Just read another thread and saw a great response and realised it was you again. Stop showing us all up with your rationality ha. All I can say to you is time is the greatest healer, you will get used to her not being around and when you are, you'll feel better and be ready to meet new people. It's going to be difficult to meet somebody 'as good' as your ex while you're still pining for them because you will just be looking at the potential girl's percieved shortcomings compared to your ex the whole time. Just give it time and it will get easier!

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Just wanna write a little something about how I perceive break ups in general. This has been my first one and boy it's been hard at times. But you need to remember break ups are a PROCESS and not something immediate. So do not feel bad if you all of a sudden go from a high back to a low. I feel real good today after a terrible two days, but I know there are still some very low times to come.

 

My lowest points so far have been:

 

-Her saying no to me wanting her back after I ended it

-Finding out she's ready to move on

-Finding out she's considering dating

 

The past 2 days finding out the bottom 2 points have hurt me alot. But they were inevitable and I've just had to accept them.

I also know I'll feel low when I find out that:

 

-She's actually started dating

-She's started dating somebody seriously

-She's slept with somebody else.

 

I know they're coming at some point within the next year and i just have to be ready for them and in the mean time focus on myself so I'm as prepared as I can be.

 

Please just remember that this break up is a process and only time and NC will help the process move along.

Edited by Neil123
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Hey Neil123 thanks for your words , even though I can't relate to them yet . and my "rationality" is gettign kinda scary , met with friends yestarday and they said I look even more cold and deatached than usual . but I guess that's the defense mechanism I have built in me ...

 

Anyway I think it's important for you to remember that no contact is not just not talking to her , but really removing her from your life . so you won't even hear about any of those stuff . because other than removing pressure from her , and putting some distance between you so she will have the room to (perhaps) miss you and think about it . it's really all for you , to move on , and feel calmer . and you won't , as long a you keep peaking into her life , as it makes you wanna control all those things you can't ...

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Hey Neil123 thanks for your words , even though I can't relate to them yet . and my "rationality" is gettign kinda scary , met with friends yestarday and they said I look even more cold and deatached than usual . but I guess that's the defense mechanism I have built in me ...

 

Anyway I think it's important for you to remember that no contact is not just not talking to her , but really removing her from your life . so you won't even hear about any of those stuff . because other than removing pressure from her , and putting some distance between you so she will have the room to (perhaps) miss you and think about it . it's really all for you , to move on , and feel calmer . and you won't , as long a you keep peaking into her life , as it makes you wanna control all those things you can't ...

 

I know man, it's just really difficult as she's very close friends with my brother and best friends (me and her were close friends as well before this)! I'll always hear a small detail randomly in conversation and I WILL find out these things whether i actively try or not. I just need to accept that it's gonna hurt and focus on myself doing these things instead.

My life really takes off in 5 weeks with a brand new graduate job with 20 other starters my age and the opportunity to meet 100's more at college. I seriously think everything will be ok then. Just taking it one day at a time at the moment.

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Neil and soul, I love reading your posts, healing is like a zig zag line on a graph. Good days followed by bloody awful ones. I've gone a whole day NC today, and plan to keep going this time. It's taken a long, long time to realise that he's not coming back to me, no matter how many phone calls/text messages/visits I get. I did a night of cyber stalking on Thursday, I know he's slept with three other women while he's been with his new gf, so why would I want to go back to that? Bloody love is blind. I need to open my eyes

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I know man, it's just really difficult as she's very close friends with my brother and best friends (me and her were close friends as well before this)! I'll always hear a small detail randomly in conversation and I WILL find out these things whether i actively try or not. I just need to accept that it's gonna hurt and focus on myself doing these things instead.

My life really takes off in 5 weeks with a brand new graduate job with 20 other starters my age and the opportunity to meet 100's more at college. I seriously think everything will be ok then. Just taking it one day at a time at the moment.

 

When someone starts talking to you about her , don't give them a reaction . say - that you don't want to talk about her anymore . slowly your friends will realize this .

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Just updating...

 

Its been a couple of weeks since i finished the 30 day challenge so i thought id pop in and give a little update for anyone that might be interested lol

 

A few days ago i reactivated my facebook, i miss my facebook so thought wth.. within seconds he messaged me. Nothing substantial just Hi How are you ect with loads of xxxxx added in..WTH is that all about when you have a gf...anyway my heart did flutter a bit when i saw his message but i found myself rolling my eyes a lot during our fb private convo.. i just dont feel ''It'' what ever it is?

 

He has changed his relationship status to ''In a relationship with -her name-' and it didnt really bother me. Of course i had a look at his wall, a place which was once full of me and him, is now full of her, not so much him though and he still has our pics up, pictures of us all lovey dovey together. I was surprised to see them.

 

Anyway, he has initiated contact with me quite a few times now, i never start up contact with him and we have spoken a fair bit, nothing about us, or his new relationship, i dont want to know about it. Its all a bit odd talking to him now. He is not the same person he was but at moments he very much is the man i loved and its almost like nothing happened.

 

I'm not sure where i go from here, i thought talking to him would be way too painful for me but i am finding quite the opposite, its been nice to speak with him but also nice to know that all his crap is no longer my problem. He still isnt working, which was a huge issue for me and now i dont have to nag lol ..it doesnt affect me anymore whether he lays in bed until midday or not and that is a such a relief for me. Same for his wasting what little money he has in the pub- not my problem. lol Good luck to her with trying to get him motivated!

 

I have no intention of becoming his falll back girl and will limit my communication with him, for now i will leave him on my fb and just carry on carrying on with my life. The way i see it is if it causes me pain to be in contact then its time to get rid, if not then i dont see the harm.

 

I feel a lot more content now, the pain has subsided, the tears no longer come, yeh sure i stil have moments of thinking about what could of been but i also know that in reality he just isnt the one for me. We had lots of fun in our 2 years and i wont ever forget that but we also had a lot of crap and it just wasnt going to work. I have accepted that now.

 

I hope every one here doing the challenge and those who have done it are hanging on in there, know that time will move you on, it wont feel like it right now but it will happen. xxxx

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Day 1

 

Broke up almost a month ago and I initiated NC a few days earlier, but I kept cheating and looking over at his profiles. Today I'm going to be serious about this (I have deleted all contact, facebook, texts, and emails now). I can't help but to cry while writing this, but it is the only way I can go back to normal. Thanks in advance for your support guys. Glad I found this challenge and people going through the same thing.

 

Here we go, a new life in 30 days.

Edited by notahero
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Day 1

 

Broke up almost a month ago and I initiated NC a few days earlier, but I kept cheating and looking over at his profiles. Today I'm going to be serious about this (I have deleted all contact, facebook, texts, and emails now). I can't help but to cry while writing this, but it is the only way I can go back to normal. Thanks in advance for your support guys. Glad I found this challenge and people going through the same thing.

 

Here we go, a new life in 30 days.

 

Oh yes , you gotta remove someone from your life and not even attempt peaking if you want to keep your sanity and be clean of stress...

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Day 15

 

Realised today that the break up was for the best. I went out last night with friends and I had a great time, but i realised that I'm terrible at approaching girls these days. I like to think i'm a catch so it doesn't make any sense. It occurred to me that I saw her as a model trophy girlfriend and naively thought she sort of validated me in a weird way, as if she made me look good

 

That relationship sucked the life out of me. The last thing I said to her was that I loved her, i'm letting her go and I wasn't ready for the relationship in the first place and took blame. I've realised there's no harm in that now as it's my first one! Now i've realised that i may have loved her, but if I was ready (experienced with relationships), I only would have walked out far earlier!

 

Anyways, I feel like my healing is coming along nicely after them terrible days, but I really want her to know that i've realised this. I shouldn't have taken all the blame and I regret it. She didn't give me enough but that's who she is but I definitely didn't deserve all the blame that I took in the end. How do I let her know that? Do I even bother? Do I wait a long time?

Edited by Neil123
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Neil,

 

Again, you seem to echo my thoughts almost exactly.

 

Beginning of Day 8.

 

I made it through the big event yesterday without seeing her. I expected to see her at any moment, but never did. That made me wonder whether or not she was there, and, if she wasn't, where she was. I did see one of her friends, although I didn't go up and say hello. I pretended not to notice her; I'm not sure if she just did the same or what. At one point during the day, I found myself alone for an extended period and was thinking about her alot.

 

One great thing about the event is that I'm becoming myself again. I'm an attractive, entertaining, and good person to be around. The attention I get from good-looking females tells me that. Although I've been on a few dates and have even slept with someone, I'm not quite there yet. I still compare most girls I meet to her. I'm not interested in engaging in another meaningful relationship yet. That tells me I'm not over her.

 

On Friday and Saturday night, I had friends ask about her. Inevitably, they ask "What Happened?" It sucks for a few reasons. 1) Because it seems like every friend/family member has to ask this question. 2) They inevitably tell me that they thought we were good together and that they liked her. 3) Because she was never able to tell me what happened. She said she was unhappy, but was never able to give me any thought has to what went wrong. I hate that. I've reached my own conclusions (communication and commitment), but I obviously can't speak for her. Eventually, I guess all my friends will have finally asked about her, but until then, it'll just continue to hurt and remind me of her when they do.

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Oh yes , you gotta remove someone from your life and not even attempt peaking if you want to keep your sanity and be clean of stress...

 

Day 1 Update:

 

It's almost 9pm now from where I am from, and as I was outside on a bench I realized that I think about my ex SO much, from the moment I woke up (6am) all the way to now. I wonder when the hell I have time to think about MYSELF! I'm already changing on Day 1...

 

I am even more focused to pull this through.

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Day 2

 

Dreamnt of the ex for the first time. Woke up weak so this day will be harder for sure. Trying to plan the day full of activities to get my mind off.

 

 

God love you Notahero. Best luck for the next few days. I'm day 2 of this attempt and I'm gonna follow through.

 

It's ****ing agony, but the sooner we do it, the sooner we heal. It's taken me months to get here but I've finally seen the light x

 

It is agony. We have a lot of work ahead of us but it's definitely for the better. Thank you for the kind words and I wish the same strength for you. We can do this!

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Aaaargh!!!!! day 3, so I've ignored saturdays text, Sunday's text and now I'm trying to ignore an email I just received. I can't do it. I'm going to have to reply. I will be brief, polite, and dismissing......

 

TRouble is I know I'll feel Crap after I do and ill feel crap if I don't.

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