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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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I know how you feel. I should've blocked my ex first. Now she blocked me on fb.

 

Anyways,

 

Day 4.

Good morning everyone: Woke up in the morning, did 45 minutes of cardio (I'm training for a marathon next year), and I might treat myself to gelato later since it's my cheat day.

 

Keep up the faith guys! Stay strong!

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Day 12

 

Wow, what a terrible day. My brother who she's friends with, hung out with her today. When he got back, I interrogated him to find out how she's feeling. I was hoping the NC will make her miss me and want me back. He was blunt and told me to give up. She misses me but she is enjoying her life without the stress. It doesn't look like she'll ever want to try again. EVER. (That's what he said). Even though I was her first love and I ended it with her, and then regretted it and apologised.

 

The last thing she said to me was she loves me and that i'm amazing, so I can't comprehend her moving on so happily. I hope she was just acting strong as she knew it'd get back to me.

 

Cue me getting bloody angry. I think I hate her. She put no effort into the relationship and didn't commit to her promises at the beginning to really try this time and has now left me in pieces. Seriously hate her.

 

It's scary. Hope keeps on creeping back and it's like a safety blanket to my emotions. And then when it gets stripped away again, I go through the whole break up again.

 

Seriously need to start dealing with this and start moving on. I HATE HER.

Edited by Neil123
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My ex did what she said she wouldn't do, after rejecting me again a few days ago. Came to an activity I attend (why????).

She even sat down close to me.

Later, we (she started) exchanged hellos and that was it as I stood up and went elsewhere.

It was polite but I didn't give her my usual emotional support. Either she wants me or she doesn't. She should decide.

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Neil, I'm so sorry.

 

I completely relate to what you say about hope being a safety blanket. Maybe it's like arm bands. They stop us sinking, but we'll never learn to swim until we take them off.

 

Keep up the NC (you're doing great, I'm well jeal) I know hate is really just love in a different guise, but maybe its the kick you need. Sending cyber love mate x

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Day 0 of infinate attempts (I know, I'm f'in useless)

 

Bumped into him today.....big hugs, how are you, we must catch up soon, you look great blah blah blah, then afterwards the texts....lovely to see your face today, single smiley face, kisses, blah blah blah....

 

Why does he do this to me. I know in a weeks time he's taking miss fat arse rebound to Menorca.

?????why, you little sht, why?????

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Hey Neil . something about that - at the first stagess of the breakup we do all we can to make ourselfs happy and forget everything ... we go out . meet new people , etc . but eventually you get used to it , and reality hits you back again when you're alone before you go to sleep and we think about all that we put in the back fo our minds during the day . I am not saying she will consider getting back together with you , not because I am pessimistic , I just really don't know . but trust me that this passes through her mind at least once during her day ...

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Thanks for the responses guys. Really not doing too good today. Suffering from the old "SHE'S MOVING ON FASTER THAN ME!" mania.

 

It's strange. We were both in the same bad relationship and we both knew I wasn't happy for a while as she wouldn't give me enough time, hence why I ended it. But it just seemed like she loved me more (i'm emotional and have really liked girls before, whereas I opened the floodgates for her emotions as she was certainly quite cold-hearted before me) and was less ready for the break up than me. So why's she accepted it so quick?

Maybe it's just easier for her to accept and call it quits as she KNOWS she can't change whereas I sit here wishing she would and hoping for a text declaring her love for me and telling me to come back.

 

It sucks, for 18 months before we got together officially, we would swear off each other, go NC (didn't know it was an official thing back then), and then one of us would break it with sweet, and deep messages. I think it's hard coming to terms with that just not happening this time.

 

Has anyone got any advice on how to move forward from here? The thought of her being with somebody else one day absolutely KILLS me more than anything else for some reason. Anybody got any rational response to that thought?

Edited by Neil123
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Neil, I know exactly how you feel. I'm almost 4 months post BU, and feel that my ex is way ahead of me. I also pushed my ex away, even though she actually pulled the trigger. I hated my ex too, in fact, I even told her that one time (about 10 days after BU). She hasn't responded to me since.

 

I think your talk about change may have some truth. What if she doesn't want to change? What if she's happy with herself? If she's happy, then what are you going to do? You can't make her change. It sounds like you're not accepting the fact that she is who she is. If that doesn't make you happy, then she's probably not the girl for you. I know that it's a hard thought to accept, I'm trying to do that myself, but if you can accept that, you'll start to feel better.

 

Honestly, I have hope that my ex and I get together again one day too, but we both need time to explore ourselves and other people. We both need time to forget.

Edited by GrowingUp85
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End of Day 5.

 

I've been busy the past two days with work, so that's helped. Haven't thought about you as much. I'm scared for this Saturday. There's a big event in town, and I'm guessing there's a good chance that you and/or some of your friends will be there. Hopefully the event is big enough that we don't run into each other. I feel like I'm actually making progress this time and don't want a set back.

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X777, I've seen a lot of posts tonight relating to ex's contacting/seeing us etc. It's really annoyed me. I don't believe they can all be so ignorant about the pain they cause. What do they get from it? I just don't understand.

 

Tonight I've got another activity which she wrote she's attending on facebook. Why the heck? She doesn't want me she said so why?

I'll end up not going because of her. If she changed her mind (would be a real miracle) she should let me know properly I think..

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I know in a weeks time he's taking miss fat arse rebound to Menorca.

?????why, you little sht, why?????

 

Love this! just hang in there. I the beginning of NC you worry about the distance that grows between you two with every day of NC. One day you'll reach a point where every day of NC is a winner cause it's like a diet.. every extra day without contact you become more powerfull. The distance you were first afraid of is now transforming into strenght. You show him he's not important and it's like you are dumping him in return and he WILL wonder. I've reached 2 months of NC by now and I WANT the days to pass. The more days/weeks of NC the more I make it clear to him, to the world: I DO NOT NEED YOU/HIM. People will respect you for that. So that's way every extra day is a plus! I can't wait to add an extra week cause it only makes me look stronger and independent. You can do this!!

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Awwww, thanks mbb I know NC is the direction to take, just so damn hard to ignore him when he texts/calls. I guess blocking his number is my next move, but I'm not ready yet.

 

Four months post bu and I was up until 5.30 this morning fretting and cyber stalking. It's as if this has become an obsession and its not even about wanting him back anymore.

Edited by Chinafish
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So... will distance myself again today - yesterday I distanced myself from her even though she came to my activity.

Today, she's going where I was going to go, so I won't go.

So she will think I'm not chasing her. I'm not. If she wants me she should let me know.

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Day 13

 

Wow, another not so good day. I spent last night accepting that she was moving on and just accepting that i'm gonna have to hate her for the time being. I actually slept pretty well.

My brother came into my room this morning and said she has text him at 4am saying she's not actually doing as well as she said. Later on I asked to see the text and he refused as i wasn't allowed to see the other texts, and then he finally let me and covered half of it up. My mind started to wonder what he/she was hiding and I freaked out and we had an argument and he deleted them. After a heated argument where I said he's made it all 100x worse by being so secretive, he told me it said......She's not doing as well as she thought, she backtracked last night and is miserable again. Although she's been asked out loads of times (she's a gorgeous 'it' girl, i'm not surprised) and she's considering going as she hates being depressed.

 

That tore me up, everyones been saying she wouldn't even consider it for months. I was her first love, and it's only been 3 weeks since we split. It hasn't even got past her birthday yet, or the date where we had a holiday booked for (in a couple of weeks, cancelled!) and she's already considering seeing somebody else.

 

It's gone from breaking up, to me thinking there was still a chance, to her moving on better and to now her considering dating...in 3 weeks! To me, it' still so fresh, I couldn't even consider dating until all these dates were out the way. This is all cutting pretty deep.

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I've failed to keep up no contact. I broke it on day 18. Here's the email I sent her yesterday after I found out she blocked me. Are all hopes for a future friendship blown because I sent this? I feel like a total bonehead for letting her know my feelings and how it was affecting me, making me look unhealed and weak. As expected, me putting this out there has left me looking for an email response for the past 24 hours, and I know she checks her email often.

 

"Hey (name),

 

My apologies for contacting you sooner than our agreed-upon time later this month, but I feel like I should clear any confusion about facebook, more specifically, being blocked. I actually mentioned that to (mutual friend) today and she told me how you had asked her yesterday if I had deleted you. I didn't, but I recently deactivated my page a few days ago because it was making it hard for me to heal from our break up. Yeah, maybe not the best move.

 

Now, I may come accross as weak or slightly creeper-ish for saying this, but I found myself checking your profile, and the reminders of your activity on my news feed effectively kept me from healing on my own. Every time I saw your name come up I would feel paralyzed and have palpitations (nothing against you, it's just how my body deals with loss). I think staying friends on facebook up until now sort of contradicted our no-talk agreement because FB is a form of contact. But I didn't want to unfriend or block you because I thought it might hurt you, so I simply deactivated it. I hope you didn't take it personally, that's not what I want for you. I had to log back on yesterday to message a friend, but I had a weak moment and tried looking for you and that's when I noticed you weren't there.

 

I just wanted to let you know about this, that I was never angry nor do I use something silly like facebook to get back at people. I think continuing no contact will be good for the time being. You can leave me blocked for now because honestly it's better for me. Maybe we can start over for this month and talk again the first week of September and see where we are. Does that sound alright to you? I'm glad we were able to leave things on a positive note, and I hope we can keep it that way.

 

Hope you're doing well,

(me)"

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Day 14 - morning

 

Wow this is getting strange. It's all hitting me and i'm starting to understand that it's over. Not just for a few weeks or months but OVER. It's dawning on me that I might actually never see her again (my choice). NEVER see her again. Wow that is crazy. In the past, she's struggled to form meaningful relationships so I know she'll be back in a few years but will I be interested then? Probably not.

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